Elastic Heart
by Bye Felicia
Summary: Ravi can't remember when his life started to feel like a big empty room with dark walls and no windows. Like he's sitting in the middle of the room searching for a way out or for any sign of life, and screaming at the top of his lungs only to be greeted with silence. The room feels like it's compressing him from all sides, willing him to explode. TRIGGER ALERT!
1. Chapter 1: Fallen Apart

_**UDATE: We made a slight change to the ending. Nothing big, just a change that would make sense.**_

 _ **Hi people.**_

 _ **So it's been a few months since I last wrote a story because I've been working on some new things to better this page and your reading experience. So first thing, I am no longer the lone owner of this account. I am sharing my**_ _Bye Felicia_ _ **account with a user who was previously known as**_ _mFabulous_ _ **(her alias name is Alexis btw)**_ _._ _ **We are combining our ideas and writing abilities, and we are going to be a mega account.**_

 _ **This whole thing is really big for us. It will probably be sorta hard because I live in Arizona, and she lives in New York, and we have to work over phone, Skype, and email. But we're gonna make it work just for you guys.**_

 _ **So now with this new story. This was originally Alexis' idea, and when she pitched it to me I loved it right off the bat and wrote legit half of it at 3 in the morning. A lot of time and thought has gone into it so far because we want this to be really good. Alright. Now I'm done talking. Please sit back and enjoy the story.**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **We do not own Jessie.**_

 **TRIGGER ALERT! TRIGGER ALERT! TRIGGER ALERT! THIS STORY CONTAINS SUICIDE THOUGHTS, SELF HARM, AND LOT'S OF TRIGGERS!**

 _ **Chapter 1: Fallen Apart**_

Ravi can't remember when his life started to feel like a big empty room with dark walls and no windows. Like he's sitting in the middle of the room searching for a way out or for any sign of life, and screaming at the top of his lungs only to be greeted with silence. The room feels like it's compressing him from all sides, willing him to explode. Every day that goes by, the walls get darker and the screams lessen as Ravi accepts the darkness as it grows stronger and stronger. He knows that one day he will happily give into the darkness completely and finally be rid of the room that mirrors the hell that's called his life.

Ravi didn't always feel this way. He didn't always feel like he was drowning in his own thoughts and mental wounds. He didn't always feel like his heart was an over stretched rubber band, ready to snap at any moment. He can faintly remember a time when positivity filled his veins like the cold rush of heroine. He used to have this bright smile that filled even the darkest of days with hope and optimism. He used to be a naïve child filled with wonder and joy, sending love in all directions for everyone to receive, and only seeing the good in everything. There wasn't a lick of darkness in him.

That person seems like a stranger to Ravi now, someone far out of his reach. That person has probably disappeared, and vanished completely from existence, leaving behind a corpse of what he used to be.

Ravi takes his blade and drags it across his forearm, in the middle of both old and new scares. The scars decorate his arm like a billion tattoos, carelessly craved into his skin. He used to cry as he did this, not because of the pain caused by the cuts but because of the pain that pushed him to that point. Now, Ravi feels nothing as he vandalizes his arm with the bloody lines. He allows himself to go numb, void of all feeling.

At school Ravi is everyone's personal punching bag. Ravi can't think of a soul in his school who hasn't bullied and belittled him at least once. As soon as he would walk through the school doors, he would be in danger of various forms of pain and humiliation. He would be shoved to the floor and stepped on like a chewed up piece of gum. He would get beat up by the jocks that roamed the halls, hungry for prey. He would get called names and get teased about every aspect of his being.

Ravi can hear their voices echoing in his head.

 _You're so ugly! You make my eyes burn!_

 _Shouldn't you be working in Dunkin' Donuts?_

 _Look at the little faggot!_

 _Get out of the way shithead!_

 _Everyone move out the way! There's a terrorist in the room!_

 _Why don't you just hope on a plane and fly back to India where you belong?_

 _Oh wait, he can't because he's not allowed to board planes!_

 _Even your own parents didn't love you!_

Their voices ring through his head like the echoes of lost souls.

The bullying didn't bother him when he first started Walden Academy. He was able to brush it off because of how much confidence he held on to. But it doesn't take long for that confidence to be crushed, leaving you raw to what you really are.

He barely escapes the ridicule when he gets home. When he first arrived in with the Ross', he felt utterly blessed to have been adopted by such a loving family and to have such wonderful siblings. They were all so warm and welcoming, and immediately treated him like family. He felt happier than he had ever been. Lately, he's felt less welcome in the family, and more like an outsider living with strangers. His siblings treat him like a second class citizen most of the time, making fun of his social status, his love for reptiles, his accent, and his every move whenever they got the chance. Emma completely ignores him except for when she rubs in his face how much of a nobody he is, with nobody to spend time with. Zuri abuses him whenever she pleases, and laughs as she does so. And Luke, who is supposed to be a role model as Ravi's big brother, constantly reminds him of his lack of friends and how pathetic it must be to sit at lunch by himself. Luke takes pride in demeaning Ravi about how weak he is, and how sad it is to only have a lizard to keep you company.

He feels like a speck of dirt compared to three gorgeous diamonds.

Ravi stares at the many cuts on his arm as the slight sting of pain traveled through his nerves. That sting was nothing compared to the thundering pain he felt inside. He turns at the sound of Mrs. Kipling hissing and nudging at her food bowl, a clear sign that she's hungry. Ravi hides the blade in a small hole at the bottom of his bathtub (the hiding spot he made himself) and rolls down the sleeves of his hoodie. The sleeves conceal his arms and the cuts fully. Nobody seems to notice that he only ever wears hoodies now, in an attempt to keep his burdens hidden.

He leaves his room and slowly descends the stairs and makes his way into the kitchen. He hopes that Bertram remembered to pick up the frog legs he requested for Mrs. Kipling's dinner.

He stops his journey to the kitchen as he hears hushed giggles on the other side of the door, along with something that sounded like some sort of television show. It sounds like his siblings are laughing at something, but don't want to be caught laughing. He furrows his brows as he pushes the door to the kitchen open.

As soon as Ravi enters the kitchen, he sees his siblings huddled around what looks to be Luke's iPad. They all immediately stop laughing when Ravi enters, visibly trying to control their laughter. It's as if they're trying to hide some sort of practical joke that he's not supposed to know about as their demeanor change when they see him. He eyes them as he slowly walks towards them.

"What were you guys laughing at?" He asks cautiously.

"Nothing!" Zuri replies quickly, failing to look casual. She has a look on her faces that says 'as soon as you leave the room I am gonna die of laughter.'

"Why did you guys stop laughing when I walked in?" Ravi says, crossing his arms, not being fooled by their act.

Luke looks between Emma and Zuri a few times before bursting out in excitement. "Okay you have _got_ to come see this!" He energetically motions Ravi over to his iPad. Ravi moves into the space between Luke and Emma to see what was so hilarious to his siblings. The whole time he has a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach, a feeling telling him to get out while he still can. But he stays, as curiosity got the best of him.

Luke taps the tablet and a video starts playing. The beginning title pops up say, **The Walden Academy Basketball Team presents: The Nerd Chronicles.** It opens up to what looks like a cartoon version of their school with background music, and fades to a cartoon version of the school hall. Students are seen walking through the hall in a horribly animated manner (like seriously! Who made this crap? It looks like a worse version of Angela Anaconda!).

The camera zooms to focus on a small male cartoon character dressed in what looks to be an ugly Indian sari, draped across the small boy in all the wrong ways. The character has hair much like how Ravi used to style his hair when he was younger, and walks with a huge stack of books in his hands. Ravi furrows his brows, not completely understanding what's going on, or where the video is going.

Then the character speaks. "Look at me!" It says in a very high pitch, mock Indian accent. "I'm Ravi Ross. I'm the biggest loser this world has ever seen and I can talk to lizards!" What looked like a small dinosaur type of thing appears next to the characters feet. Ravi's eyes widened as he felt a pang to his heart, suddenly realizing the sole purpose of the video. "Who needs real friends when you have lizards to keep you company!" Emma, Zuri, and Luke start laughing at the ridiculous outburst of the character. Ravi's breathing starts to quicken in fear of the rest of the video.

The animated Ravi continues to speak with a huge smile on his face. "I hope nothing happens today to ruin my life." The character suddenly gasps as he trips over nothing. The character screams as he tumbles dramatically into a garbage can. The scene shows other students laughing as the Ravi character pops his head out of the garbage with a banana peel on his head. His siblings burst into hysterics at this, as if the sudden downfall of their brother is the funniest thing in the word.

Another character, what looks to be a basketball player, suddenly appears next to the garbage can. "Why don't you just leave America and go back to where you came from you little freak?"

The Ravi character looks angry as he hopes out of the garbage can. "You know what? I think I will! And I'm gonna take my lizard friends with me!" More laughter. Ravi grasps at his hoodie covered arms, the pain from the cuts he made slightly numbing his senses. He can feel himself moving further into that dark room with every second of the cartoon. But he doesn't look away. He feels frozen in his spot, forced to take in the humiliation.

The scene moves to an airport (typical) where the same Ravi character approaches the airport with what looks like a boarding pass in his hands. "One way flight to India please." He says to the guy at the desk.

The guy looks at the character before gasping and yell, "Security! We have a terrorist on the loose trying to board a plane! Get him before he blows up this whole joint!"

The cartoon Ravi is suddenly tackled by what seems to be fifty different security guards. The character screams as he is dragged away from the scene in handcuffs. "No! Tell my lizards that I love them!" The scene fades away to closing credits followed by the words **The End**.

Ravi looks up from the screen, visibly looking hurt. He clenches his arms harder, the embarrassment pounding into him like a jackhammer. His siblings laugh hysterically, wiping away tears to exaggerate the situation. How could they be laughing at something that was created to offend him? "You guys think that was funny?!" He yells at them. "That was humiliating!"

Their laughing begins to die down. "Relax Ravi." Emma giggles. "It's not that serious. It was just a little joke."

"It was more than a little joke!" Luke adds. He begins laughing harder.

Ravi shakes his head. "How could you guys laugh at something as ridiculing and demeaning as that?!" Ravi exclaims. He knows that they would never stick up for him since they never really have, but it still pains him that they wouldn't even try to spare his feelings. They would rather laugh right in his face.

"Calm down bro." Ravi wants to wipe the smirk right off of Luke's face, and try to make him see things the way he does. But Ravi stands still. "It was just a stupid video." Luke gets up and pushes the iPad towards Ravi. "Come on. Let's watch it again so we can see how stupid it is."

Ravi shakes his head. Why on Earth would he want to watch something like that every again? "No Luke. I don't want to see it."

"No, come on. I wanna show you it's not that serious."

Ravi tries to shove Luke away. "Stop it Luke! I said no."

Luke tries to give the tablet to Ravi, only for Ravi to continue to push him away, trying his best not to shove to hard. They start to bicker over the video, Luke going on about how dumb the video was and how watching it again would lessen the effect it had on Ravi (how does that even make sense?).

Something in Ravi bursts, like a fire in his veins, and he suddenly feels the need to lash out at something. He's not sure what it is, but he suddenly feels a flash of utter rage erupt in him. He's not thinking straight when he pushes Luke's arm so hard that the iPad flies out of Luke's hand and lands on the floor. Glass shatters all over the kitchen tiles as the iPad breaks into a billion tiny pieces.

Everything seems to pause as the Ross kids watch this happen. Ravi's eyes widen in disbelief of what he's done. He doesn't know what came over him to make him do such a thing. He's never lashed out at other people before. He's only ever done it to himself. He looks from the shattered tablet to Luke, who stands in complete shock. Realization probably hits him when he turns to look at Ravi with complete fury in his eyes.

"Look. At. What. You. _Did!_ " He seethes, pointing at the mess on the floor.

Emma and Zuri look to each other in a panic and scurry out of the room, pretending to have been called by Jessie and leaving the two boys alone to deal with the problem.

Ravi feels at a loss for words. He clears his throat as he tries to speak. "Oh my gosh—"

"That tablet," Luke interrupts him, stepping closer to him, "had my whole _life_ in it!" His eyes are filled with complete murder as he advances onto Ravi. He would probably murder Ravi if he could. "Apps, pictures, contacts, files! I had information on that that I could've used to help me get in contact with my birth mom!" He doesn't realize that he divulged more information than he ever wanted to. He looks to the floor at the mess that used to be his iPad. "And now it's all gone."

Ravi starts to breathe heavily. "Luke I am so sorry! I—"

"What is _wrong_ with you?!" Luke exclaims, causing Ravi to jump back. "Do you understand how expensive and priceless that thing was?!" He is completely livid, pacing the kitchen floor in an angry rage. "Do you understand how important that was to me?! You ruined it!"

"Luke it was an accident—"

"Why do you have to ruin _everything_?" Luke is practically screaming at this point, shouting loud enough for Canada to hear him clearly. "You ruin my iPad. You ruin my confidence. You ruin my reputation with all your loser ways." Luke isn't saying much, but his words hit Ravi like cold, hard bullets. They confuse him slightly because he doesn't know where it's all coming from, but he can't focus on any of that. "You ruined this whole family! Life was so much easier and _better_ before you arrived!"

Ravi shakes his head, as he feels himself breaking on the inside. He tries to pull himself together enough to speak. "You don't mean that." His voice hitches in his throat.

Luke kicks a piece of the tablet and it slides across the kitchen floor. "Honestly, everything was fine until you came along and ruined our whole family dynamic. Our lives were completely normal until mom and dad brought home the weirdo from India and forced us to be friendly to him." Luke's is what snaps his already over stretched heart, damaging it's elasticity. "I wish you were never adopted!"

Ravi stares at Luke. He stares at the anger in his brothers eyes that he caused. He stares at Luke's balled up fists, knuckles turning white from being clenched so hard. He stares at the shattered pieces on the floor, and he can't help but to see it as the mess he caused in the family, and as the mess he feels he is.

His chest feels heavy, as if an anchor is weighing him down into the floor. He is barely aware of Jessie bursting into the kitchen in response to the chaos that went on. He is only aware of his feet caring him as fast as possible to his room.

"What is going on?!" Jessie exclaims as Ravi leaves the kitchen. "Can't I leave you kids alone for more than five minutes without a war happening?!" She suddenly becomes aware of the glass pieces on the floor and an angry, yet slightly terrified, looking Luke. Her nanny instincts kick in and she places her hands on her hips and arches an eyebrow at Luke. "Luke what did you do?"

Luke lifts his hands up in a 'don't look at me' manner. "I didn't do anything! Ravi pushed me and made me drop my iPad!" He is still furious at his annoying little brother. Luke never told anyone, but he was able to secretly collect some information that he could use to help him find his birth family. He thought he had buried that hatch the first time he went searching for his mom, but at some point after that, curiosity got the best of him. He knew he couldn't rely on his family to help him since it didn't really work out to well the last time and it seemed to hurt his mom so much, so he decided he would have to do the research himself.

Surprisingly, Luke had done a lot of work and had gotten a ton of information. And now it was all gone.

Jessie sighs. "Luke that is only a material thing. I thought I told you kids—"

"Jessie this time is different!" Luke says, a helpless look finding its way to his face as he falls into one of the empty seats. "I had a lot of important things on my iPad that I needed! It had my whole life on it." He runs a hand through his hair. "And now it's gone. Forever."

Jessie rolls her eyes. "Luke I make sure that all of you kids' information is backed up, so you can legit get all that information back."

Luke visibly pricks up at this information, sitting up in his seat. "Seriously?"

Jessie nods. "Yeah. You can access it from any tablet, phone or computer for that matter. That's how technology works."

A smile takes over Luke's face. He had been so angry at the thought of everything on his iPad being gone, only to find out that it was still saved somewhere else. "That's great! That's _amazing_! Thanks Jessie!"

He gets up to walk away from the scene when Jessie stops him. "Not so fast." She places her hands on her hips again, in full nanny mode. "I heard what you said to Ravi, and none of that was okay to say. How could you say things like that? He's your brother."

Luke sighs, guiltily. "I'm sorry Jessie. I never meant any of it. I guess I just overreacted." He knew what he said to Ravi was wrong as soon as it left his mouth, but he was too blinded by his own rage to stop himself from saying it.

"That's no excuse for being so mean to him." Jessie scolds him. "You really hurt his feelings Luke. He looks up to you, and saying things like that could really damage your relationship with him."

Luke looks down at his shoes as he bites his bottom lip **(We had to add this little tidbit for you ladies crushing on Cameron Boyce. Go ahead. Imagine it)**. "I know. I'm really sorry."

Jessie shakes her head. "I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. You need to go upstairs and apologize to your brother." Luke nods at Jessie, knowing that that was the right thing to do. Jessie likes at the watch on her wrist. "Now, I have a dentist appointment soon and I have to go to Staten Island to pick up a package from your parents. Bertram is in charge while I'm gone. I'll be back soon, but in the meantime, go apologize to Ravi." She turns to leave, but stops and points at the mess on the floor. "And clean this up while you're at it."

She leaves the kitchen, leaving a guilty Luke standing there, contemplating what he's gonna say to his brother and how he's gonna say it. He knows what he has to do, but he feels so embarrassed. He got out of control and said so many terrible and untrue things to Ravi. How is he supposed to face him after his outburst?

Luke sighs. He'll have to just suck it up and face whatever comes his way. He deserves it anyway. He begins to walk out of the kitchen when a reminder goes off on his phone, causing him to stop. He looks at it and gasp. He completely forgot that today was _The Walking Dead_ marathon he had been waiting for all month! Forgetting completely about his saddened brother, Luke dashes to the theater room, and hops onto one of the seats. He grabs one of the remotes and turns the T.V. on, ready to fill his mind with the living dead.

Ravi can't remember the last time he cried so much. He didn't even realize that his body could contain so much fluid. He was aware off a few break downs back at the orphanage in India, and could remember the few times he cried while in America (mainly over minor things), but never was it so bad. As soon as Ravi got to his room, the tears release from his eyes like a heavy flood after a rain storm. He presses his back against his closed door and slides to the floor, gripping his hair as he sobs violently. He bangs his head against the door, the pain from the impact barely phasing him as it was nothing compared to how damaged he felt.

Over the past few years, he heard many harsh things, and each comment cut him deep. Each pulled at his heart, stretching it wider and wider. But nothing hurt more than hearing the words spoken by his brother. Nothing hurt more than having Luke look him in the eyes and basically tell him of worthless he really was. His words were like sharp knives, sticking into him, waiting for him to bleed until there was nothing left. They cause his elastic heart to snap, unable to handle any more tension.

He never belonged in a place like this, with such a perfect family. He sticks out like a sore thumb, ready to be amputated. He doesn't deserve to be with this family. He doesn't deserve to be with any family.

To tell the truth, Ravi feels like he doesn't belong in the world anymore. He doesn't belong in this world that hates him for being able to live and breathe. He doesn't feel the need to exist, or that he deserves to exist anymore. How can he? Nobody would care if he was gone. The world would probably dance on his grave. He's nothing more than an insignificant scrap.

No wonder his mother gave him up when she did. She was able to see the abomination he was, even when he was just a baby. She didn't want him. For 10 years, nobody wanted him. And although he was miraculously adopted and was met with an illusion of love, he was still the unwanted abomination that arrived at the orphanage 15 years ago.

Another burst of rage courses through Ravi's veins as he gets up and wreaks havoc in his neat room. He can't control himself as he starts tearing things apart. The pillows and blankets on his well-made bed end up thrown all around the room. The books and papers on his desk are flung about, hitting the ceiling and the wall and scattering the floor. Random items end up flung in all directions until Ravi can barely hold himself up. He falls to his knees, clutching his stomach as heavy sobs ripe through his body.

He lies on the floor, sobbing for God knows how long. He ignores the hissing coming from Mrs. Kipling's cage. He tries to think of his next move, even though thinking seems to be impossible at this point.

Truthfully, Ravi is done. He's done feeling so vulnerable to everyone. He's done being the joke of the school, and having everyone treat him like the worthless being he is. He's done being in a family that despised him so much. He's done feeling like he has no right to exist. He's done choking under the suffocating feeling of loneliness and despair, and drowning in the mockery of others. He's done sitting in that dark room, searching for a light that would never be there.

He is done with everything.

And he knows what he has to do.

Ravi sits up. The tears are still pouring out of him faster than the speed of light. He pulls his hoodie off and carelessly drops it on the floor. He takes a look at his arms, decorated with over a years worth of self-inflicted scars. He's become invincible to the pain of the, which makes what he's going to do so much easier.

He's slightly aware that a couple of hours have passed. And during that time, nobody bothered to come and check on him to see if he was okay. This thought, along with many others, push him further and further.

Ravi makes his way into his bathroom. He locks the door behind him, fighting the urge to break the door knob. He clenches the door knob tightly as a few sobs erupt from his body. He takes short breaths as he releases the door knob. It has to be done. He has to be done.

He slowly crouches down to the little hole in his bathtub and retrieves his razor. One small stroke of the blade, and all the pain and suffering would go away. One stroke, and the world would be rid of him forever.

It's the only way out. The only way for him to escape the dark room.

Ravi doesn't close his eyes as he does it. He wants to see everything as it happens. He watches as he makes one, long vertical line down his arm. The pain is unbearable. He bites his lip and suppresses a hiss in response to the pain. It's like the pain of stepping on hot lava rocks continuously. But seeing the blood gush from the wound has already started to make him feel lighter, and more disconnected from everything.

He could've stopped there and allowed nature to take its course, but he feels like his hand is on autopilot as he makes small horizontal lines across the vertical ones. They're just as deep, causing the same effect as the first. He doesn't react to these new cuts. He merely stares at them, as salty tears fall from his face and land in the bloody wound.

At some point, he knows it's working. He feels himself becoming weaker and weaker. It's the lightest feeling he's ever felt in his life. It's as if he's starting to float into another realm. He stops, staring at the huge gashes on his arm, the tears streaming down his face. _It's okay_ , he tells himself. _It's almost over_.

Ravi doesn't remember when, but he somehow ends up lying on the floor, barely holding onto his consciousness. He watches the ceiling as his vision starts to darken, his eyelids growing heavy. He can feel himself slowly lifting away, leaving behind the broken boy who was never loved, and never cared for.

Finally, he closes his eyes as he gives in completely, welcoming the darkness with open arms.

Luke's eyes burn from the three hours of television he just ingested. He is practically bouncing in his seat with excitement from the nerve wrecking show. The many plot twists of the show plague his mind, as every episode unloads a bunch of twist and turns he never saw coming. It's so mind blowing how one show could contain so much awesomeness. His mind is so full of _The Walking Dead_ that he can barely make out the voice of Jessie calling his name repeatedly. He doesn't even notice when she bursts into the theater room, annoyance written all over her face.

"Luke!" She says agitatedly, earning no response from him. His eyes are fixated on the T.V. screen, pay no attention to his surroundings. She rolls her eyes at the expression on his face. There could've been a fire, and he wouldn't have noticed because of how engrossed he was into a stupid show. Jessie groans as she reaches for one of the many remotes and abruptly turns the T.V. off.

Luke blinks a couple of times as the screen goes completely black before jumping out of his seat. "Hey!" He exclaims to an annoyed Jessie. "I was watching that! And it was almost at the good part!"

"Luke did you apologize to Ravi like I told you to?" Jessie asks in a knowing voice, crossing her arms. She already knows that Luke spent all day watching T.V. instead of doing what she told him to do (no surprise there). She just enjoyed the look on his face when he realizes he forgot to do something important.

Luke's jaw drops. He completely forgot about how he insulted his brother, and how he was supposed to apologize. He had been so busy watching the show that it completely slipped his mind. He bites his lip. "Oh. Uhh…"

Jessie shakes her head. "I knew it." She points out of the theater room in the general direction of the stairs. "March your little butt upstairs right now and apologize to him."

Now it's Lukes turn to groan. Of course he wants to go and make things right with Ravi, even though he doubts they're all that messed up. But he was almost up to the season finale! And he had been waiting for _ever_ to watch it. Sure he knows that T.V. isn't more important than his brother. He isn't that shallow. But couldn't it just wait a little longer?

Luke opens his mouth to protest but Jessie barks, "Now!" which causes Luke to scurry out of the room faster than roaches when the lights turn on.

He takes the stairs two at a time, easily skipping the steps. He's barely out of breath (perks of being a dancer) when he approaches Ravi's door. He knocks before speaking through it. "Ravi?" He calls. "Listen, I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier. I know you didn't mean to knock over my iPad. I know it was an accident." Luke waits, but his words are met with no response. "I shouldn't have said those things to you. I didn't mean them and I'm really sorry." Still no response. Luke furrows his eyebrows in confusion. Is it possible that Ravi is mad enough to ignore him for the rest of the night? He knocks again. "Come on Ravi! Please open up." He pleads, hoping to earn a response from his younger brother. Only silence fills the air. "If you don't open up, I'm coming in!" He waits barely a second before throwing Ravi's room door open.

And he is left speechless to what he sees on the other side.

Luke has never seen Ravi's room in such chaos before. It resembles his room, but less filthy and more overturned. Bed sheets were thrown everywhere. Books and papers were scattered across the floor. Picture frames were broken into pieces. Clothes were thrown about. It looks like a tornado ripped through Ravi's room, probably taking the small Indian boy with it.

Something is definitely wrong. Ravi would _never_ leave his room in such a mess, under no circumstances. The boy prides himself in keeping his room spotless.

He starts to cautiously walk around the room, looking under blankets and heaps of clothes to see if his brother was buried under it. He calls the boy's name as he looks around. The whole charade reminds him of the hide-and-seek games he used to play with Emma when they were little kids. He looks through Ravi's many closets, and even checks Mrs. Kipling's cage, only to come up empty handed.

He arrives at Ravi's bathroom last. He jiggles the handle in an attempt to open it, only for the door not to budge. It must be locked. Which must mean that there's someone on the other side who locked it! "A-ha!" Luke exclaims in victory. "I know you're in there Ravi!" He continues to jiggle the handle, attempting to open the door. "And if you don't open up, I'm gonna bust open the door! And you know I can do it too!" After more unsuccessful jiggling, Luke steps back and kicks the door to the bathroom. It flies open, banging the wall on the inside.

He's not sure what he expected to see on the other side of the door. Maybe he expected to see Ravi sitting in a corner, unwilling to talk to Luke. Maybe he was expecting to find Ravi getting ready to take a shower, which would explain the locked door. Maybe he expected Ravi to be brushing his teeth, or even taking a crap.

Anything would have been better than what he saw when the door flew open.

Luke's initial reaction is to jump back. One doesn't just see a blood body and stand their unaffected. He places his hand on his fast beating heart. The scene resembles something out of one of the horror movies Jessie forbade him from watching. Something that would usually give him, Ravi, and Zuri nightmares.

But then Luke realizes who exactly is on the floor lying in a fresh pool of blood.

He feels his breath quicken and his eyes dilate as realization hits him. Something drops in the pit of his stomach as everything sets in his mind. "No." He whispers. He's whole body is shaking as he goes to Ravi, examining him. "Oh my God." He whispers as his eyes fall on Ravi's left arm. Blood gushes out of the open wound that runs deep down Ravi's forearm. His eyes jump to a razor, resting on the floor next to Ravi. It looks like something ripped out of the razor blade used for shaving. Luke picks up the rusty metal and stares at it, stained with blood. He can't seem to steady himself as he puts two and two together. He feels like he might just pass out.

It really does feel like something out of a horror movie.

He throws the blade aside as moves closer to his brother. "Ravi?" He whispers, as if his brother is merely sleeping and he's afraid to wake him. Luke shakes his arm, speaking a little louder. "Ravi?" He sniffs as he grabs the limp boy by the shoulders. "Ravi?" He whimpers out. His vision is blurry and his cheeks are wet. Everything feels like it's crumbling away as he sits on that bathroom pleading for his brothers' life. Luke grabs at his hair as a sob escapes him.

"Jessie!" He calls at the top of his lungs. "Jessie!" His whole body trembles as he shakes his unconscious brother, earning no response from him. He pats Ravi's face, looking for any possible sign of life. He finds none. "No." His voice cracks. "Come on man! Please don't do this!" He pleads. Luke can't remember the last time he felt so helpless in his life. It's like he desperately wants do something, _anything_ to make the situation disappear. But there's nothing he can do. He can only be a bystander and watch as his brother slips away.

Luke can almost hear his heart completely crack as he loses it. He grabs Ravi's face as a gasp sounds beside him. "Don't do this Ravi! Please!" He can see out of the corner of his eye Jessie's blurry figure leaning over Ravi with a hand over her mouth and a cell phone.

"Please Ravi!" His voice catches as he hiccups loudly. "Just stay with me _please_!" He's yelling now. Guilt overcomes him as he remembers the last thing Ravi heard him say. He can't think of anything except how horribly he treated his brother. He had told Ravi that he ruined Luke's life. He told Ravi that he wished he was never adopted. He made Ravi feel worthless. And over what? A broken object that could always be replaced?

Ravi tried to kill himself under the notion that Luke didn't love him.

Luke can't take it. He can't bear to think of what he's done to someone he's held dear to his heart ever since he walked into his life. He grips his head as he falls into Ravi's chest, sobbing loudly. He can barely hear Jessie on the phone with what must be the police over his cries.

"Hi! One of my kids just tried to commit suicide! H-h-he cut open his arm!" Jessie stutters out their address as she checks Ravi's neck and wrist for a pulse. "It's barely there and inconsistent. Yes I have other kids with me. No, I'm the nanny, but I'm responsible for them when their parents aren't here."

Luke feels multiple pairs of arms grab him and try to pull him away from Ravi, but he's got such a strong, death grip on his brother. Finally, he is yanked hard enough and unclenches Ravi. He yells out uncontrollably, but suddenly feels too weak to fight. He collapses in what he assumes to be Emma's arms, who holds him tight as his sobs increase.

Through his watery vision, Luke can see Jessie moving around quickly, leaving the phone on speaker. She finds one of Ravi's towels and presses it against the open wound, trying her best to suppress the flow of blood. She starts to perform CPR on him, pumping at his chest frantically as she blows air into his lungs.

How could this even be real life? It feels like some sort of jacked up nightmare.

At some point, the paramedics find their way into the bathroom, with gurneys and a bunch of medical equipment following them, making the room feel crowded. They hook Ravi up to machines and tubes, and quickly place gauze and bandages on Ravi's arm, all soaking through almost immediately. They place him on the gurney and quickly roll him out of the room, into the elevator. Luke follows, half walking and half being dragged by Emma and Zuri.

They all somehow manage to fit into the elevator despite the close proximity and are out the building doors in minutes. The family follows closely behind the paramedics. The ambulance is parked outside of their building, lights flashing brightly. The paramedics spend all of two seconds arguing with Jessie over who's allowed to ride in the ambulance to the hospital (since she wants everyone to be able to go) until she takes one look at how demolished Luke appeared to be and thrusts him into the ambulance. She orders Bertram to take Emma and Zuri in the limo before climbing into the ambulance behind Luke. The ambulance wastes no time driving at what must be 100 miles an hour, lights blinking spastically. The paramedics surround Ravi, working like bees on his unconscious body. And on this whole journey, Luke can only think one thing to himself.

 _What have I done?_

 _ *****_ **wipes sweat from forehead*** _ **Whew! That was a handful to write.**_

 _ **I hope you guys enjoyed it (or cried a little). Alexis thought of the name after listen to Elastic Heart By Sia on repeat. It sorta kinda fits the theme, but we're going to take the concept of an elastic heart and give it our own meaning in a way. Well we'll try anyways.**_

 _ **Thank for reading. If you want to read more of my work, you can just click on my name all the way up at the top of the screen and check out my other story**_ _Wish I Was Dreaming_ _ **(don't check out the other one. It needs a lot of editing). And if you want to see Alexis' work, well just stay tuned for all of that!.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading!**_

 _ **If you like it review. If you like it review. It you like it, review!**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia**_


	2. Chapter 2: What We Caused

_**Hello everyone. Alexis here. I'm so happy to be collaborating with Mark on this account. It feels like the start of something really great. This chapter wasn't supposed to take so long, but we both had this really bad writers block and kept changing things and editing and hating the chapter and deleting things and hating each other. #writersproblems**_

 _ **Alright, well, not much for me to say. Enjoy the chapter.**_

 _ **Disclaimer**_ _ **: We do not own Jessie.**_

* * *

 _ **Chapter 2: What We Caused**_

Jessie plops down into the seat next to Luke in the waiting room after speaking with one of the nurses about Ravi's condition and filling out the necessary paper work. She doesn't think that she's been under so much stress in her life, and she can practically feel the gray hairs growing on her scalp. She runs a hand through her now messy hair as she lets out the breath she wasn't aware she was holding. Never in her five years of working with the Ross family did she ever contemplate a situation like this ever happening. But then again, who would've? Nobody is ever fully aware of the kind of turmoil going through someone else's mind. It's not something that you can identify on the outside. But then again, she should know the kids well enough to detect at least a slight change in the demeanor of the Indian teen.

She tries to remember any signs of change in Ravi's personality that would hint at depression or suicidal thoughts. A change in appearance, lack of interest, isolation, or even a simple word. She can't think of anything that has seemed different about Ravi, except for maybe the change of hair style, but that can't possibly lead to suicide.

Bertram disappeared to the hospital cafeteria as soon as they arrived at the hospital, which doesn't surprise Jessie because he eats the most during stressful situations, much like this one. She looks over to Emma and Zuri's spot in the waiting room. It didn't take long for the girls to fall asleep after the nurse explained the procedures Ravi would need to go through. They are basically clinging to each other for dear life as they sleep. Jessie doesn't blame them for sleeping at a time like this. The whole situation is mentally and physically exhausting, and it's taking every ounce of strength in Jessie not to collapse into the deepest sleep she's ever had. At least the girls get to sleep with slightly eased minds.

One of the nurses told the Ross family that Ravi's cut nearly punctured a vein, and he lost almost 3 pints of blood. He went into surgery immediately for a blood transfusion, and the process would take a few hours. They can't guarantee the condition he will be in after the surgery, but the doctors will try their absolute best to do what they can, and they would let the family know when the surgery is over.

Jessie isn't a doctor or anything, but receiving a blood transfusion must be somewhat of a good sign. It means that Ravi isn't absolutely dead, and there is still hope that he will survive. Jessie spent about an hour after hearing the news filling out a ton of paperwork, and informing Christina and Morgan on what happened, who had already heard about the situation from the paparazzi, who seem to be _everywhere_ (they're even outside of the hospital trying to get past security). Morgan and Christina said that they would be catching the next flight out of Berlin and would be there as soon as possible, which really meant that they probably wouldn't be there until the next morning because of how far away Berlin is.

So Jessie has to handle everything for the next few hours.

Jessie sighs and leans forward, placing her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. She does the breathing exercises her dad taught her a few times to hold back the tears that have been threatening to fall ever since she saw Ravi's condition on his bathroom floor. She can't afford to break apart now, when the people around her needed her, even though all she desperately wants to do was curl up into a ball and sob until she can't breathe. Everything that happened was so emotionally draining on the whole family, especially her. She could almost hear her heart break when she saw Ravi's body on the floor, realizing what he had done. It was the scariest thing she has ever seen in her life, but she knew that that wasn't the moment to cave into her emotions. She had to let her nanny instincts kick in and be the responsible adult in the situation, even though she's two seconds away from an anxiety attack. She did all she knew and was told to do, and did all she could to keep her emotions at bay.

But all she feels like doing is bursting into a fit of tears.

She knows that she can't. She can't fall apart. Someone has to keep everything and everyone together and under control. Somebody has to be there for the kids, and provide them comfort. Someone has to be the rock and stay strong for everyone else's sake.

When Jessie feels her nerves steadying again, the urge to cry temporarily dissipating, she sits back up. She has approximately 5 hours until Ravi's surgery is finished, and 8 hours until Christina and Morgan's plane lands. It might be a good idea to take a nap so she can be refreshed and alert in the next few hours. She's about to lean back in her seat and shut her eyes when she becomes aware of Luke sitting next to her. The look on his face is distant, as if he's lost himself in some far off place, and he has no sense of reality. He hasn't moved much since they got here. He sits in the same position clutching his legs close to his chest for the past hour. He looks as though he's in a trauma induced trance.

 _Poor Luke_ , she thinks as she forgets about any idea of falling asleep. The poor teen must be going through utter hell after finding Ravi's unconscious body. The moment Jessie heard him screaming her name back in the penthouse, she knew that something was terribly wrong. His voice didn't sound how it usually did when he called her for some minor reason. His voice sounded so distressed and scared, as if he was calling for an actual life or death issue (which he was). At first Jessie thought he was being dramatic as she ran upstairs to see what the problem is. To her dismay, it truly was a life or death situation. She's never seen Luke cry so much. She's only seen him cry twice (maybe three times). The tears stopped flowing down his face only a while ago, but she's sure that he is still crying on the inside.

He looks so exhausted. The crying made his face a little puffy and his eyes bloodshot, and the stress makes him look overly tired. Jessie wraps her arm around his shoulders and squeezes. He jumps at the sudden contact, taking his eyes off the wall and looking at Jessie's hand on his shoulder. He looks like he was abruptly woken from a dream. "You should try to get some sleep Luke." Jessie says softly. "We might be here for a while."

Luke says nothing. He takes his eyes off of Jessie's hand and likes down at his lap as he shakes his head no. The lump in his throat grows as he swallows hard.

Jessie sighs. She can't believe how vulnerable Luke has become. She's never seen him like this. Not even during that time he was trying to find his birth mom. "I know you're scared Luke." She turns in her seat so she's facing him. "We all are. But staying up all night isn't going to help anyone."

"I can't," Luke's voices cracks, and he clears his throat and takes a deep breath before continuing, "I can't go to sleep." He doesn't move his eyes from his lap. Jessie moves her arm from around him. She watches him intently, wondering if he's going to continue speaking. He does. "I-I, I just can't." His voice is shaky now as he runs a hand through his hair. "I can't." He mumbles.

Jessie nods. "Do you want me to stay up with you and keep you company?"

Luke finds it increasingly hard to swallow back his tears as the lump in his throat grows. He can feel himself trembling, his fingers shaking uncontrollably in their tight grasp around his legs. He doesn't want Jessie to keep him company. He doesn't want anyone to keep him company. He just wants to disappear from exist, and seclude himself from everything. From the shame and guilt and self-loathing he feels. His lower lip trembles. He can feel Jessie staring at him, waiting for an answer. "It's my fault." He mumbles.

Jessie is taken aback. _His fault?_ she thinks to herself. "What?"

Luke does his best but his throat feels so constricted. His voice comes out like a squeak as the first tear falls. He doesn't move to dry it though. He lets it roll down his face and fall into the fabric of his shirt. He watches as it soaks into the small fibers in his shirt, fading to a mere silhouette.

Jessie tries to speak again. "Luke—"

"This whole thing is my fault." Luke blurts out, causing Jessie to shut her mouth. He looks in Jessie's direction without meeting her eye. He decides to stare off into space. He wipes away at the second tear that falls down his cheek as he sniffs. "H-he did this because of me." He stutters. "I caused all of this."

Jessie shakes her head. Now she understands what's been eating at him so much. "No, Luke—"

"It's because of me!" Luke collapses into a fit of tears, losing the strength to fight them back. Jessie feels her suppressed emotions rising as she watches Luke burst into a fit of sobs, letting out everything he has been holding back. "I told him all these things that I didn't even mean and that aren't even true," Luke continues, hiccupping after every other word, "and I told him that he ruins everything and that I wish we didn't adopt him and—" he lets out a sob so vicious that he can't continue his sentence. "And I've been treating him like crap for so long and making him feel worthless!" Luke's whole body was visibly shaking. He feels like he's bursting into a million pieces with every word he says, hating himself even more for what he's done.

"Luke stop it!" Jessie says. "Stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault at all."

"I made him think that he wasn't loved! I made him think I hate him!" He ignores Jessie and continues rambling. "Ravi tried killed himself thinking that I hate him! He tried to commit suicide because he thought I hated him!" Luke's voice rises louder with every word he says, and after every sob. Jessie doesn't have the heart to shush him while he was going through this much turmoil. She's shatters her to see Luke in such a fragile state. "What kind of brother am I?" He continues. "What kind of _person_ am I?" He shakes his head and covers his face with his hands. "I'm such a horrible person." He mumbles that last sentence over and over again to himself as he sobs into his hands. How could he do such a thing to his own family? He's the one that's worthless. Not Ravi.

Jessie wraps her arms around Luke, pulling him into a tight, comforting embrace. Luke leans into the hug, sobbing into Jessie's chest. He wraps his arms around her and clings to her for dear life. He feels so weak, and so numb. Jessie rubs his back, whispering soothing words to him as he cries in her arms. She rests her chin on top of his head as she tries to get her messy thoughts together. "Luke," her voice breaks and she clears her throat, "Luke, you can't blame yourself for any of this. None of us know the true reason why Ravi felt the need to do this."

Luke bites his quivering lip before he speaks. "But I had to have caused it. All those things I said and did to him…" he trails off.

Jessie sniffs, feeling her eyes water. She can't muster up the energy to hold back anymore tears. If they fall, so be it. "I know it might seem like it's because of you, but it's impossible for this to be fully your fault." She runs her fingers through his now messy hair, his breaths becoming steadier with each stroke. She allows one tear to roll down her face as she speaks. "This isn't something that's the result of only today. This is something that has probably been building up in Ravi for a while." She sniffs as she wipes away tears on Luke's cheeks. "Trust me when I say this. It's not just you that pushed him to this point. It's all of us. Everyone that's been a part of Ravi's life in some way caused him to fall into a depression that's so deep, it made him want to die."

She takes a second to dry a new fallen tear before she continues. "I know how much you love Ravi. I see how protective of him you can get, even if you don't notice it. You're an amazing brother Luke. To all of your siblings. And you're not a horrible person. Don't ever let me hear you say those words again. You just made a mistake." She gives him a squeeze. "We all make mistakes. The important thing is that we learn from them and never repeat them."

Luke listens to her words, allowing them to calm him down. He's spent so much time replaying the past few hours over in his head, and blaming himself for Ravi trying to kill himself, that he didn't take the time to step back and look at the big picture. So many other elements could've contributed to the demolishing of his brother. And his behavior has slightly changed within the past year (well, in Luke's eyes it has). Ravi has invested in a lot of long-sleeved shirts and hoodies, completely abandoning the traditional Indian shirts he used to wear. He's not excited about simple things that used to excite him in the past. He smiles less, and spends more time secluded in his room than ever before.

Maybe it really wasn't Luke's entire fault.

Luke let's out another sob. "I'm really scared Jessie." The tears haven't stopped their fall from his eyes. He buries his face deeper into Jessie's chest as she tightens her arms around him. Whether or not this is his fault, Ravi is still having a blood transfusion, fighting for his life. He might not survive. Luke may never see his brother again.

He might never have a brother again.

"I know Luke." Jessie's voice cracks on his name as she rests her head in his hair. She love's Ravi like her own child. He's probably the sweetest, smartest boy she's ever met. He's such an amazing kid, and she feels so attached to him. It's hard not to love someone like him. Thinking of the possibility of Ravi actually dying breaks her heart. "So am I."

* * *

 _ **This seems like a great place to end the chapter.**_

 _ **We didn't want to add too much because we didn't want to make it too long. We've gotta save some of the good stuff for other chapters. Anyways, there might be spelling errors and such because both Mark and I have terrible sight. So if there's a lot, just let us know. We hope you enjoy this installment of Elastic Heart, and we'll see you soon.**_

 _ **If you like it review. If you like it review. If you like it, then seriously. Review.**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia**_


	3. Chapter 3: Break To Pieces

_**Yes I know we are the worst.**_

 _ **Hi people. Mark here. Me and Alexis are deeply sorry for the wait on this chapter, but life got in the way of everything. While we were writing this chapter I went through a pretty bad break up which led to me not being in the right mind to write this story. Plus a little while after that I got appendicitis and I have been in and out of the hospital since the end of September, so writing has been difficult. And my partner for this story Alexis has had some rough family drama on her end (she'll talk about it in the next chapter) so writing wasn't the easiest for either of us. But we're here. We're not dead. We can upload.**_

 _ **Okay let's get on with this story.**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **We do not own Jessie.**_

* * *

 _ **Chapter 3: Break to Pieces**_

Luke is slowly brought out of his deep, dreamless sleep when someone shakes his shoulder softly. He blinks a few times as his eyes come into focus. Everything in his memory seems foggy and distant, and he finds himself struggling to remember where he is and why he's there. All he is fully aware of is his current exhausted state and the feeling of warmth and comfort surrounding his entire body. He looks around him, trying to make sense of everything. He notices the multicolored hospital chairs surrounding him, some empty and some occupied. The walls around him are white with subtle paintings and posters placed in a delicate fashion. He can hear the sounds of people walking from place to place, discussing what must be important details to each other. He can hear small and distant hospital sounds; beeping, buzzing, wiring, groaning, moaning.

The events from the night before suddenly hit Luke, and the blurry feeling he has turns into sudden panic, anxiety, guilt, and depression. Everything that happened flashes into his memory like a quick slide show.

He tries to sit up but feels something weighing on him, preventing him from moving from the comfortable position he's in. He looks around himself, spotting a pair of arms wrapped around his body in a protective manner. He looks to the body the arms belong to and suddenly remember the last thing that happened before he fell asleep. He remembers pouring his heart to Jessie and crying into her loving embrace while she soothed him until he fell asleep.

Luke fell asleep in the exact same position with Jessie's arms hugging him close to her and his head resting comfortably on her chest, and his arms clinging to her.

He rubs the sleep out of his eye before sitting up fully, breaking the hold Jessie had around him and waking her up as well. He yawns and stretches his limps, popping a few joints in the process. Sleeping in a hospital waiting room chair was _not_ the best place to sleep at all. Luke rubs at the stiffness in his neck, caused by leaning over for so long.

When he looks over to the cause of his waking, he sees a sleepy looking Emma standing next to him, a near blank expression on her face. She's wearing the same clothes from yesterday (which is surprising because this is Emma we're talking about) with her hair tied into a messy bun and her makeup smudged and rubbed off. He's never seen her in such a messy look in all his 16 years of living with her. She's always been neatly put together, and always poised. Now she looks like she's falling apart.

Ironic.

"The doctors want to talk to us Jessie." Emma's voice is soft and shallow, lacking its usual lightness and charm. She nods her head in the direction of the waiting room entrance, where two doctors and a nurse stand, watching the family expectantly. Jessie doesn't allow herself more time to fully wake up. She's out of her seat in seconds and making her way to the patiently waiting doctors. Luke, Emma, and Zuri (Bertram still MIA apparently) follow suit, stagger behind her. The thickness of the tension in the air can easily be cut by a knife. They each want to say something to each other. Something to break the tension and ease their minds. But somehow, they know that speaking is hopeless at a time like this.

Luke can barely feel his fingertips because he's shaking so much. He wanted so bad to know what was going on with his brother, yet now that it is time to deliver the news, he's reluctant to find out. What would he do with himself if Ravi's state was fatal?

Luke pushes his reluctant thoughts to the back of his mind as the family approach the two doctors awaiting them. The one standing closer to them, a middle aged Asian woman, greets them with half a smile. "Good you're all awake. We didn't want to deliver any news without all of you conscious, or without an adult present." She sounds way too chipper to be delivering news on Ravi's condition after his attempted suicide. She starts flipping through the folder in her hands. "I'm Dr. Sato and this is Dr. Lauder. You're all here for Ravi Ross, correct?"

Jessie nods. "Right."

The doctor nods. "Alrighty then." She continues to flip through the folder, taking longer than necessary to deliver the news on their brother as if she knows the anticipation has been killing them. Luke can feel beads of sweat roll down his back as he watches the doctor flip through the folder, wondering what it says in there. She reads through her files and mumbles a serious of unintelligible things under her breathe before finally addressing the family. "So we had to perform a blood transfusion on him, which wasn't easy because he lost a dangerous amount of blood." She's gives them a wide, reassuring smile. "Thankfully, I had a good team of doctors in the operating room."

The group collectively let's out the breath they weren't aware they were holding. They had been prepared to hear the worst news (and scared of hearing it too), but judging by the doctors words and the tone of her voice, Ravi is going to be somewhat okay.

The second doctor, Dr. Lauder, began to speak, sounding less soft and cherry than Dr. Sato. "We thought that we would have a harder time with the transfusion actually. However, Mr. Ross's blood type is AB negative, the universal recipient." He takes his glasses off and puts them in his lab coat. "The operation went well enough, and Mr. Ross is in stable condition at the moment."

Jessie places a hand on her fast beating heart and lets out a shaky breath. She had been so scared that they weren't successful and that they had lost Ravi. She can't imagine how much life would literally fall apart if that happened. Ravi is such a huge part of the family. Losing him would leave an unfillable hole in the family, and would completely damage each family member.

"Thank you so much!" Jessie says to the doctors gratefully. They nod in return. "Are we allowed to see him?"

"We can only allow one family member at a time to be with him." Dr. Sato explains.

The family nods and Jessie turns to the kids. She wants to be the one to go in and see Ravi, but she knows it's only far for the kids to be able to decide who gets to see him. They shouldn't be excluded because she's an adult and they're not. "Okay guys. Do you want to discuss amongst yourselves who gets to see Ravi first?"

She looks between the three Rossi kids, taking in how much damage the situation has done on them. Emma for one does not look like herself at _all_. Her hair is in a messy bun (and not the kind of messy bun that looks good and stylish. The kind that looks like a birds nest). She must have washed her face or something, because her makeup is smudged, running, and rubbed off. Her eyes are bloodshot (probably from lack of sleep) and her face is puffy from crying. Her hoodie is hanging off one shoulder with the sleeves damp (probably from crying into them). She looks like she aged a couple years overnight.

Zuri isn't doing too well either. Throughout the night she ran her hand through her hair maybe a thousand times, messing up the curly pattern and causing it to frizz. She has dried tear marks on her cheeks from crying in her sleep. The nail polish was scratched off her nails, and she had bitten her nails to a nub. The bags under her eyes seem out of place on her 12 year old face, and her dark skin is unusually pale.

Luke is probably in the worst condition out of all of them. His whole body seems deflated, as if all the life was sucked out of him. His hair has flattened on the side he was sleeping on. His eyes are downcast, staring hard into the floor and not making eye contact with anyone. He is still drowning in fear, guilt, self-loathing, and anxiety. He is practically shivering in fear, trying his best to calm himself by controlling his breathing. He looks on the verge of a panic attack.

The kids have never been this distorted before and it tears Jessie apart.

The kids look at each other, nobody really wanting to say anything. "Guys it's okay." Jessie says. "Just don't start to argue over who gets to—"

"I think Luke should go." Emma says, shocking both Luke and Jessie. His head shoots up and he looks at Emma wide eyed as if he was just woken up.

"Me too." Zuri nods in agreement. She turns to Luke. "I think you need to see him more than anyone."

Luke just stares at his sisters in disbelief. After the way he treated Ravi and how he played a major part in driving Ravi to suicide, why do they think Luke even deserves to see Ravi? They should be putting him down, and blaming him for causing Ravi to try to kill himself. They should be banning him from even being near Ravi. Why are they allowing him to be the first to see their brother after the surgery?

"Are you guys sure?" Jessie asks. It's pretty strange for them to be so selfless, especially to each other. But seeing the circumstances, she's not all that surprised that the girls are being kind.

Zuri nods with a sad smile. "Yeah. We'll be alright. We'll just go make sure Bertram isn't in a food coma somewhere."

Jessie chuckles. "That's really nice of you two." She can't agree with their decision more. After her heart to heart with Luke the night before, Luke needs to be the first to see Ravi. He needs to be there when Ravi wakes up so he can see that none of this is his fault and that Ravi knows Luke doesn't hate him.

Jessie is almost certain that Luke wants to be the first to see Ravi. After the night they've had, Luke probably won't ever leave Ravi's side ever again. So she doesn't understand why Luke is frozen in his spot with a scared, hesitant look on his face. He looks like he's too afraid of going to see Ravi, or as if he doesn't feel he deserves to be with his brother. Jessie stands beside him and wraps her arm around his shoulder, giving him a squeeze.

"It's okay Luke." She whispers to him with a small smile. He glances over to her for only a second before staring into the floor again. "You should go see your brother. There's nothing to be afraid of." Jessie tells him with as much reassurance as she can muster. Luke looks over to Dr. Sato who gestures for him to follow her with a kind smile. With shaky steps, he begins to follow her out of the waiting room. Before he walks out, he looks over his shoulder at his family, tears stinging his eyes. They all look completely wrecked, broken, and disheveled. They look sad and tired and worn out. He caused all those things to happen. He triggered their pain.

Yet here they are, being so kind and selfless towards Luke. They aren't angry with him like he thought they would be. They aren't making him feel worse about himself than he already does. It baffles him how they don't hate him for causing this, but at the same time he's relieved that they are showing as much sympathy as possible.

He doubts that Ravi even wants to see him. Ravi will probably become upset when he sees Luke. But Luke follows Dr. Sato out of the room anyway because he knows that if he doesn't go now, he might not have the courage to go ever again.

Once Luke and Dr. Sato are gone, Dr. Lauder turns to Jessie, his expression less pleasant. "If you don't mind Ms. Prescott, I'd like to speak with you about the next steps in Ravi's recovery."

Emma and Zuri look at each other and leave the room after declare they would search for Bertram, leaving Jessie and Dr. Lauder alone. Once they are left alone, the doctor leads Jessie over to a set of chairs where they sit. "You understand the severity of the situation, right?"

Jessie nods and clears her throat. "Right."

Dr. Lauder nods. "Right. Now certain procedures will need to be taken once Ravi wakes up." Dr. Lauder starts. "First we will need to run tests on him to check his mental and emotional state, and he will be placed under 24 hour watch until we are certain he isn't at risk."

"Wait what are you saying?" Jessie furrows her eyebrows in confusion. Everything he is saying sounds like something done to a patient in a mental institution. "Are you saying that Ravi is mentally unstable?"

"No, no!" The doctor says quickly, realizing the misconception. "Not at all. This is just something we are required to do with every suicidal patient to make sure they aren't at risk of harming themselves or attempting at suicide again." The doctor explains. "Right now it is essential that this procedure is done with Ravi because he is higher at risk."

Jessie nods, understanding a bit more. All they will be doing is making sure Ravi doesn't try to kill himself again. She doesn't want to think about the possibility of Ravi trying to commit again, but she doesn't want to take any chances. "But why is he higher at risk?" She asks. He hasn't tried to committee more than once. This has been the only time he has ever attempted.

"Well, we had to take into account a few other factors that we found." The doctor continued to explain. "For instance, there are a number of scars scattered all over Ravi's arms, some faded and some fresh, and we're almost 100% sure that they were self inflicted." Jessie's heart sinks as Dr. Lauder speaks. She pictures a distort Ravi slicing away at his arms with the same razor he used to cut open his arm. She almost instantly feels dizziness take over her at the thought of him doing something like that to himself. She wishes she noticed a change in Ravi before all of this. But he concealed everything so well. Even the scars.

"We're assuming that although there has never been an attempt other than last night, suicide has been a thought to cross Ravi's mind more than once." Dr. Lauder continues. "And there's a high chance that he might be suffering from depression.

"Most hospitals would place someone in Ravi's condition on heavy drugs to secure his mental state. However I don' believe that will be necessary in Ravi's case." Jessie sighs, glad to hear the somewhat good news. She would hate to see Ravi become a zombie to those types of pills that are said to sedate your mood. It would completely change Ravi into something he's not.

"Now, what we can offer is therapeutic treatment." Dr. Lauder opens his folder and starts writing something down. His pen moves quickly across the page as he speaks. "I recommend Ravi see a therapist a few times a week, and attend group therapy once a week. Anything that might cause Ravi stress or discomfort should be removed from his surroundings. Maybe an extracurricular activity to distract him from his burdens." He hands Jessie the paper he was writing. She takes it and looks over it, taking in the neat loops of his cursive handwriting. She's unable to imagine Ravi having to go through any of this, and is still in disbelief that he even attempted to end his life in the first place.

"Do you have any questions for me Ms. Prescott?" The doctor ask.

Jessie stares at the papers in her hands for a moment before clearing her throat and responding. "Uhh, no. I think you covered everything." She gives him a weak smile.

He nods. His eyes are filled with sympathy for Jessie. He feels bad for the whole family. Having to deal with something like this is never easy to do. He's had to take care of many suicide patients in the past, someone making it and some not, and never has he felt so much sorrow for the family experiencing this. He has the urge to pull Jessie into a hug and soothe her until all of this is over, but he knows he can't do that. He has to keep everything as professional as possible. All he does is give her shoulder a squeeze. "Hang in there Ms. Prescott." He says before standing up and leaving her.

His words echo through her head. _Hang in there Ms. Prescott_.

Would she be able to hang in there? Or would she just break into pieces?

* * *

 _ **So this was originally supposed to be longer but since we were already super late on updating we decided this would be where we would leave things.**_

 _ **Okay I'm late for work so I need to rush things. Thank you guys for reading and being patient with us!**_

 _ **If you like it review. If you like it review! If you like it reviewwwwww!**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia**_


	4. Chapter 4: What Is Love

_**Hello everyone! Alexis here! Sorry for the wait. But as previously stated, Mark and I are going through some stuff. He was in a long-term relationship that ended pretty badly, and he had appendicitis. As for me, I my grandfather passed away and I was really close to him so it was pretty hard to do anything. But, I'm learning to deal with my grief and move on.**_

 _ **Before we begin, Mark and I just want to let you know that we have a poll up regarding this story that we would like for you all to vote on. We were thinking of making this a slash story with Ravi being in a relationship with another guy. We sorta hinted at him being gay in the first chapter (go back and read it and let us know when you find it) but we're not sure if we should turn the story into that. We're not sure if you guys would want us to do something like that. We have a pretty good idea to back it up, but it's really up to you guys if you want it. So go vote on the poll or leave a review with what you prefer.**_

 _ **Alright I'll let you guys read now.**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **We do not own Jessie.**_

* * *

 _ **Chapter 4: What Is Love**_

The walls in Ravi's hospital room are an off-white color, making the room slightly darker than the hospital hallways with it's whitewashed walls. The floor is a mix of white, blue, and green tiles, with a warm looking teal colored rug under Ravi's bed. His bed is placed next to a large window whose light gray curtains are closed, blocking the impending sunrise from shining through. A flat screen television is on the wall opposite Ravi's bed, accompanied by surround sound speakers, a DVD player, and an Xbox. Ravi obviously doesn't need the excess electronics, but when you're admitted to a five star hospital, you get spoiled and pampered to the max.

On the walk to Ravi's room, Dr. Sato explained some things about Ravi's condition, what to expect, and so on, that Luke hadn't paid one bit of attention to. Instead his mind produced clips of the previous night from the time Luke walked into Ravi's bedroom to when they arrived at the hospital. Over and over again his mind replayed the haunting events, sending graphic and gruesome images to him. Each time he replayed the incident the scenario became worse. Ravi's room would appear messier. More blood would be present. Ravi's body would look hallow and decayed. As his legs moved him forward, Luke felt trapped in a horror film that his mind created, and that it would never end.

Luke was so lost in the maze of his thoughts that he didn't realize they arrived at Ravi's hospital room. Luke had to mentally slap himself before he walked head first into the room door. He honestly can't even recall the walk to the room. He has no idea whether it was a short or long walk, whether there were a lot of turns and twist or whether they went straight, and whether they had to go up or downstairs or if they were on the same floor.

When the doctor let Luke in the room, Luke wasn't sure what he was expecting really. He had been preparing himself to see Ravi in the worst possible condition he could be in with tubes, machines, and bandages everywhere. He was slightly shocked, however, when he all he saw was a pale Ravi laying unconsciously with a cast wrapped around his left arm. He had an IV in his arm and was hooked up to the heart monitor, but that was it. This slightly put his mind at ease.

To Luke's relief, Dr. Sato didn't stay in the room with him. She left only a minute after arriving. At first, Luke didn't know what to do. He kinda just stood in the middle of the room staring at his brothers chest rise and fall. Maybe it's because he was so relieved to see Ravi breathing again. Maybe it's because his mind had gone so numb that his body couldn't move. Maybe it's because his legs had felt so weak that if he moved them he might collapse. Something eventually clicked in Luke and he found himself seated in the comfy chair next to Ravi's bed.

So Luke was able to get past step one. He was able to actually get himself to Ravi without breaking down and hyperventilating. Now he just has to get past step two: actually talking to Ravi when he wakes up.

The thought of having to actually speak to Ravi makes Luke way more anxious than he's ever been. It makes him more anxious than when he gets before talking to a pretty girl or giving an unprepared speech to his class. It makes him more anxious than literally anything he has ever had to do, and it's really ridiculous. Luke shouldn't feel nervous about talking to his own brother. It's his _brother_ for crying out loud! Luke and his three siblings never shut up when they're together, not to mention him and Ravi. Luke has never had any problem talking to Ravi for the past six years and now suddenly when Ravi is about to regain consciousness after almost killing himself, it's hard to think of what to say.

 _Because you triggered this you idiot._

Luke nearly slaps himself silly when it suddenly dawns on him why he feels like throwing up while simultaneously passing out when he thinks about talking to Ravi. The very last thing he said to Ravi started this mess. And yes, Jessie had a point when she said that Ravi didn't try to kill himself only because of Luke, but because of other issues that he never knew about. But Luke isn't dumb (not entirely anyway). He knows that had he not been so mean to Ravi, they would not be in this situation. Had he not said the wrong thing to Ravi, he wouldn't have slit his wrist. The result of Luke saying the wrong thing caused all of this. What if Luke says the wrong thing again and makes everything even worse?

Luke sighs and rubs his face with his hands. He can't believe he's actually stressing over the ability to speak. This might actually be the lamest thing he has ever experienced _ever_. And to make matters worse he is by himself. Jessie, Emma, and Zuri aren't with him to make him feel less alone and to lessen the stress. He doesn't have anyone with him to help him say what he's thinking without sounding like a douche.

Maybe if Luke tries to plan out exactly what he wants to tell Ravi he won't feel as nervous. Yeah! That should work. Luke stands up and paces the room as he tries to gather his thoughts into some kind of organized mental outline.

He takes a deep breath. "Okay Luke." He mumbles to himself. "Let's see how this sounds." (He's really lucky he's by himself and that Ravi is unconscious because if anyone heard him talking to himself he would get judged so bad.) Luke rolls his shoulders back. "Ravi, I'm sorry for what I said to you. I honestly didn't mean it and—" Luke stops and groans. That sounds too impersonal, and to robotic. He tries again. "I'm sorry about all of this Ravi. I never wanted to hurt you like this and I've been beating myself up about it all night. Like this is literally my fault—" No, that's not right either. It sounds like he's making it about himself. _Let's try again._ "Ravi man, I love you. You're the best brother in the world and I could ask for anyone better to be my brother—" That doesn't sound right either. It sounds too emotional and forced. Luke grabs at his hair in frustration. This isn't working out right at _all_. He might as well tell Dr. Sato to get Jessie, or someone else who can handle this kind of pressure, because he sure as hell can't.

Luke isn't sure how much time has passed because before he knows it, he sees Ravi shift slightly in his bed and his eyes start to flutter. Luke is sitting back in his chair faster than lightening as Ravi begins to wake up. Luke can feel his heart race as all the anxiety he's felt for the past eight or so hours multiplies. He has the sudden urge for the Earth to open up underneath him and swallow him live, possibly killing him in the process. If someone could throw a brick through the window and have the brick hit Luke in his temple knocking him out, he would be grateful. Honestly, anything that could help him avoid this moment would be helpful.

Ravi's eyes finally open. Luke freezes as Ravi blinks a few times, looking around in confusion. He has absolutely no idea where he is and why he feels like drugs have replaced the blood in his veins. As he looks around and sees the heart monitor he is hooked up to, he realizes that he's in… a hospital room? What the hell? Why is he in a hospital room? Why does he feel like he was hit by a bus? Why can't he remember anything?

Luke takes a minute to find his voice. He summons up some kind of courage and decides to clear up Ravi's confusions. "R-Ravi?" He stutters.

Ravi turns his head in Luke's direction, his already half lidded eyelids squinting at his brother. "Luke?" he whispers hoarsely. He suddenly starts coughing. Realizing that Ravi's throat is probably extremely dry, Luke grabs the bottle of water on the little hospital table, opens it, and helps Ravi sip it. When he's done he recaps the bottle as Ravi clears his throat. "Thanks." He says weakly.

"H-how are you feeling?" Luke's voice is soft and shaky as he studies Ravi.

"Like someone is inside my skull with a jackhammer." Ravi mutters as a headache starts pounding in his brain. He starts to lift his hand to place on his forehead in some sort of soothing attempt, but realizes he can't move it much because his arm is hooked to the IV. He tries to use his other hand but falls sort when he sees his forearm covered in heavy bandages. Ravi is hit with a wave of confusion at his casted arm. He looks up at Luke, his eyes begging for answers. "What's going on? What happened to my arm?"

Luke's heart pounds against his ribcage when he thinks of having to explain to Ravi the events of the previous night. He doesn't even want to think about it, much less talk about it. "You don't remember?" Luke stupidly asks (of course Ravi doesn't remember! He just got out of surgery after almost dying!) Ravi shakes his head. "Well what do you remember?"

Ravi bites his bottom lip as he thinks about this. "Umm, I remember coming home from school and going to my room." He doesn't include the part where he added to the numerous amounts of cuts on his arm. He remembers that vividly. "And then after that it gets kind of foggy." He explains. He tries hard to think of what happens after that, but it turns into a blurry, confused mess the more he thinks about it.

"D-do you remember anything about the kitchen?" Luke asks. He's hands are shaking so much they've almost gone numb. He feels like he's on the verge of an anxiety attack and his heart is ten seconds away from jumping right out of his throat.

Ravi thinks about it before he nods. "Yeah, I kind of do remember going to the kitchen for some reason." Ravi digs through his thoughts until he can picture himself going into the kitchen and seeing his siblings laughing at something. Some picture or song or video. Yes! It was a video that they were watching on Luke's iPad. Ravi remembers them completely cracking up over the video. He remembers them showing him what was so funny that had them in hysterics.

Then Ravi goes from slowly clearing up the fog that is his memory to having everything crash down on him all at once. He remembers the video, and how it made fun of and demeaned him. He remembers accidentally breaking Luke's iPad and how angry Luke was because of it. He remembers what Luke said, how it pierced his heart. He remembers tearing through his room before locking himself in his bathroom and slitting his arm open, deciding that he was done being a disgrace to his family, and to life in general.

And somehow, he ended up here. In this hospital bed. Alive. After all that, he's still alive.

Luke can see from Ravi's facial expressions that he remembers everything. He can see it in Ravi's eyes. "D-do you remember now?"

All Ravi can do is close his eyes and nod. Yes. He remembers. He remembers every painful memory.

He can feel the walls of his dark room closing in on him, ready to suffocate him with his own agony. The dark room he thought he escaped when he tried to kill himself. The dark room he thought he was free off. He is still trapped in it.

Luke opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying his best to choose his words properly. "Ravi I… I'm really sorry about everything I said. I didn't mean it at all. I only said it because I was mad. None of it was true."

Ravi just shakes his head at Luke's apology. "You don't need to apologize. This isn't your fault." Under his breath he mumbles, "Not completely anyway."

"Then why did you do it?" Luke asks, gesturing to Ravi's arm.

Ravi shrugs and looks away. His pain is so much deeper than Luke would be able to understand. He's had to live so long in that dark, empty room with no one there to help him find his way out. He was just sick of only seeing darkness. "I guess I was tired of living in my own personal hell, and tired of being a complete waste of space." He mutters. He doesn't look at Luke as he speaks, afraid of the expression that will be on his face. "I was tired of waking up every morning feeling like my life wasn't meant to be and like I was a mistake that didn't get erased early enough. I was tired of forcefully putting a smile on my face every single day to mask the numbness and self-loathing I truly felt. I was tired of feeling like I was living my life in a dark room with no way of getting out."

Ravi swallows past the lump in his throat, not allowing himself to stop. "I was tired of going to a school and being around people who hate my guts and take pride in treating me like shit. I was tired of being bullied and tormented and fearing of every single day. I was tired of dealing with so much hatred and abuse, and feeling like I'm screaming for help but nobody is listening." He uses his shoulder to wipe a stray tear. "I was just tired of feeling like nobody cares about me, and feeling like my existence is a burden."

Luke is in disbelief at what his brother is telling him. He can't believe that this whole time his brother was feeling so miserable, and so lonely. It hurts to hear him speak like this, to hear his voice laced with so much pain and sadness. "Ravi, I-I…" Luke's voice cracks as he tries to speak. He doesn't even know what it is he should be telling Ravi after hearing all of this.

Ravi just sniffs before he continues. "You guys should've just let me die."

A tear runs down Luke's face after Ravi says this. "Why would we do that? Why would we let you die?"

"Because it would just be easier." Ravi speaks with a shaky voice. "It would just be easier for everyone if I were dead." The tears spill out of Ravi's eyes like a heavy summer rain after days of sun and heat. "My own birth mother didn't even care enough about me to keep me and love me. She just thought it would be easier to put me in an orphanage and get me out of her life. She should have just killed me when she had the chance instead of giving me up and making me suffer." Ravi feels like every cell in his body is breaking as he begins to cry harder, releasing his misery. "I wish I could just die." He sobs. "I wish I were dead."

Luke sits in his seat frozen, staring at his brother cry more than he's ever seen him cry. He doesn't know what snaps in him, but he's suddenly leaning over and embracing Ravi in a comforting and caring hug. Ravi cries into Luke's chest releasing everything he's been feeling for his entire life. He sobs into the arms of his brother, not caring that his headache has gone from jackhammer to wrecking ball, and that he's starting to feel less drugged and more pain. He just lets it all out. 15 years of grief.

Tears are running down Luke's face as he holds his younger brother. He's spent so much time teasing Ravi and worrying about what other people think of him that he didn't even take a minute to realize that maybe these things hurt Ravi.

Luke pulls away from Ravi and looks him in his eye so he can fully take in everything Luke is about to say. "I'm sorry Ravi." Luke rubs a hand across his face, wiping away the salty tears streaming from his eyes. "I'm sorry that you went through all of this and I'm sorry that we made you feel like we didn't. But we _do_ care Ravi." Ravi stares at Luke, eyes wide and watery. "You mean so much to us. You have no idea how completely broken our whole family would be if you were dead.'

"But why?" Ravi asks, not fully believing that he is so important to his family.

Luke sighs. "Ravi I don't care what you might believe but our family needs you. Hell, _I_ need you! Okay? I need you in my life! I don't care how much you think you're not important or that nobody cares! Because you're important to me! And I care! I care about you more than anything else in the world!

"I don't even want to _think_ about the possibility of you being dead Ravi." Luke is crying almost as heard as Ravi was moments ago. "Because dammit you're my brother. You have no idea how much you scared the living shit out of me when I found you unconscious on your bathroom floor. Everything in me completely broke because I thought I lost my one and only brother forever. I thought I hurt you so much and mad you feel so bad that you wanted to die. I thought that I was never going to get the chance to tease you, or annoy you, or have bro time with you, or, or," Luke takes a deep breath, steadying his voice, "or tell you that I love you."

Ravi can feel his heart swelling with a feeling he hasn't felt in a long time when he hears the word "love." He can't recall the last time someone other than his mother and father told him that they loved him. He forgot how it felt for someone to show so much love and affection to him. And now that he is suddenly receiving it, he doesn't know what to do.

"I don't want to have to go through that." Luke continues after steadying his voice. "And I don't want you to go through any of this alone. I'm not gonna let you go through this alone anymore. I'm sorry I didn't show you this before, but I'm here for you Ravi." He can see something change in Ravi's eyes as he says this. "I love you."

Ravi doesn't know how to take this at first. For so long he believed himself to be insignificant and disposable to everyone around him, and now suddenly someone was telling him that all he's ever believed isn't true? How is he supposed to react to this?

He does the only thing he can think of. "I love you too." And with that they embrace in the most loving and comforting hug Ravi has ever received. He meant what he says too. Even though he felt like the feeling wasn't reciprocated, he has always loved his siblings. He loves them with all his heart.

Luke and Ravi stay there hugging for a while before breaking apart, drying their tears. "I've never been so emotional in front of someone before." Luke chuckles. "Well except last night."

Ravi laughs. "Me either." It feels good to genuinely laugh after faking it for so long. It's strange. This feeling is strange. This feeling that he might actually be wrong about a lot of things he thought to be true. This feeling that there might actually be a door in his dark room that can take him out of there forever.

Ravi is suddenly aware of the piercing pain coming from his left arm. It shoots through him like a chain saw. He reaches to touch his injured arm as he lets out a painful hiss. Whatever medicine the doctors gave has fully worn off and now he can feel the full effects of surgery and slitting his arm open.

Boy does it hurt like a bitch.

Luke watches his brother with concern. "Are you in a lot of pain?"

Ravi nods. "Yeah…"

Luke stands up. "I'll go get the doctor." He walks out of the room and returns a minute later with Dr. Sato and a young nurse. Ravi instantly stiffens at the sight of her (force of habit) but she smiles warmly at him.

"Hello Ravi." She says. "My name is Dr. Sato. My colleague and I headed the team who performed your blood transfusion." She pulls out a paper from the folder in her hands as the nurse starts checking the heart monitor and IV. "I'm just going to ask you some questions for my file. Is that alright with you?"

Ravi looks over at Luke before nodding. "Yes that's fine."

The doctor nods as the nurse begins to take Ravi's blood pressure. "Are you currently in any pain?"

"Yeah in my arm." Ravi nods. "And I have a headache too."

Dr. Sato jots down what he's said. "On a scale of 1-10 how much pain do you feel?"

Ravi thinks about this. His arm is in a fair amount of pain, even though he's not showing it too much. "Probably around a 7 or 8."

"Blood pressure 100/60." The nurse says. Dr. Sato takes not of this as well.

"Are you feeling dizzy, faint, nauseous, or disoriented?" She asks.

The nurse fills Ravi's IV with what he assumes to be pain medicine. Ravi can almost instantly feel it coursing through his blood. "No. Just weak and tired." He answers the doctors question despite the sudden high he was starting to feel from the drugs.

Dr. Sato nods and puts the paper back in her folder. "Alrighty then. We just gave you some pain medicine and it should knock you out in the next minute or so. I'll send a nurse in every hour to check on you. But for now just get some rest." Dr. Sato said as she walked out. "I'll let the rest of your family know that you woke up."

At the mention of his family, Ravi suddenly realizes that Luke is the only one with him. He has no idea where Jessie, Emma, Zuri, and Bertram are. Hell, he doesn't even know if they came to the hospital to begin with. He turns to Luke. "Where is everyone else?"

Luke, sensing Ravi's worry and apprehension, quickly reassures his brother. "They're here. But the doctors only allowed one of us to see you first." Luke shrugs. "I got to see you first. And Bertram is probably somewhere with a food baby."

Ravi laughs as he feels the pain killers pull him into a haze. He struggles to keep his eyes open as his mind starts to fog over. "I guess I better leave and let you rest."

"No!" Ravi exclaims (as much as one can exclaim when under drugs), stopping Luke from getting up. "Please stay here. I don't want to be alone." Ravi pleads with his eyes. The thought of being left alone to his own dark thoughts is starting to scare him more than ever. And for some reason, he feels a newfound attachment to Luke that's never been there before.

Luke nods. "Sure Ravi. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Sigh with relief, Ravi relaxes into his hospital bed and allows the medicine in his blood to pull him into a deep sleep.

* * *

 _ **And there you have it. Not sure how much I personally like it…**_

 _ **I won't bore you with talking. Please review and vote on the poll. We'd really appreciate it.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading and see you in the next chapter!**_

 _ **If you like it review. If you like it review. If you like it, take your sexy self and review!**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia**_


	5. Chapter 5: Family

_**Hi people.**_

 _ **Not much to say here. Just a reminder that we have an open poll and would really appreciate it if you guys voted. Once again, we want to know how you feel about this being a slash story. No, this will not be a Luke/Ravi slash story because even though they're not blood related, they're still brothers. Alexis and I didn't really want this to be an incest story. Depending on where this story goes, we could make it one. But honestly, that's probably not going to happen.**_

 _ **Anywho, please enjoy this chapter!**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **We do not own Jessie.**_

* * *

 _ **Chapter 5: Family**_

Ravi feels at peace.

Something about the empty white space consuming him made him feel calm and relaxed in the weirdest way. Unlike the darkness that left him feeling hollow and detached from the world, this white space gave him a warm, comfortable feeling. It's like he knows he has burdens and demons to face, and he knows that he is struggling with unexplainable inner turmoil. But he feels as though in this white space he is floating in, none of that mattered. None of that could bother him, or even reach him in this quiet place.

He can't remember how he ended up here, nor does he know how he's going to get out. He's not sure whether he wants to or not. Why would he want to leave such a peaceful and tranquil environment, a place where he doesn't have to deal with his many issues? Ravi knows that he won't be able to stay in this warm place forever, but he can't worry about that when he's feeling so serene, and when he's on such an unexplainable high.

Ravi suddenly feels himself being slowly pulled out of his white space due to the feeling of something gently brushing his cheek. He wants to swat away whatever is bringing him back to reality, but his limbs suddenly feel heavy, as if his bones were replaced by hammers.

The white around him is fading. He is now aware of soft voices in his proximity. He wants to quiet the voices so he can descend back into his relaxed state, but he's having trouble opening his mouth and speaking.

The whiteness is almost completely faded now. Whatever fog that caused him to forget his surroundings is lifting as he begins to remember where he is and why he's there. He's asleep in a hospital bed because of his failed attempt at committing suicide. He was given pain medication that knocked him out for God knows how long. He's not sure exactly where his family is, but he knows that his brother is by his side, or at least somewhere in the proximity.

Now the whiteness is completely gone. Ravi is almost fully aware of the sounds around him. He can hear voices alternating between whispers and normal speech. He can hear a distant beeping as well, what he remembers to be a heart monitor. He can now feel the material of the bed he is laying on, along with the blanket wrapped around him. His limbs still feel heavy, but now they're movable. And he can now tell that what continuously brushed against his cheek was someone's finger.

Ravi starts to open his eyes, struggling due to the bright light illuminating the hospital room, the light being much brighter than the comforting white he was previously in. He lets out a soft groan, which seemed to alarm the people in his hospital room as he can feel their presence surrounding him. Finally, he manages to crack open his eyes, finally waking from the deep sleep he had been put in due to the pain medicine. The first thing he sees is both his parents sitting beside his hospital bed, his mother being the one stroking his cheek.

"Mom? Dad?" Ravi whispers, his voice still slightly hoarse from lack of use. He has gone from referring to his parents as 'Mrs. Mommy' and 'Mr. Daddy,' to interchangeably say that and the traditional 'mom and dad.'

Something washes over Christina Ross when she sees Ravi's bright eyes finally open. She had been waiting hours to see those eyes again, fighting sleep and nausea all at once. The sudden feeling of relief and anxiety makes her so lightheaded she nearly faints. _Not today_ , she scolds herself. She's not about to faint and miss out on this moment with her youngest son.

"Ravi!" Christina exclaims softly, so as to not irritate Ravi. "You're awake!" She instantly wraps Ravi into an affectionate yet gentle hug, being careful not to be too rough. Morgan hugs Ravi after his wife.

"I'm so happy you're awake." Christina continues. "You had us worried sick!"

"How are you feeling kiddo?" Morgan asks after releasing Ravi.

Ravi sits himself up a bit, not feeling as weak as before. His headache has subsided from construction site to kids running around a room. He doesn't feel weighed down by antibiotics and sedatives anymore, and is fully awake now. His arm still hurts, but that's a given. Overall, Ravi feels much better than before. "Much better, but I'm still a little sore." He replies. "But what are you guys doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Berlin?"

"Oh honey," Christina brushes Ravi's hair (once spiked up but now deflated and limp) off his forehead. "As soon as we got the call that you were hurt, we hoped on the first flight here. We needed to be here with you, and make sure you were okay."

Ravi gives them a small smile. He can't believe they dropped everything and came here in less than a day. "Thanks, but you guys didn't have to do that. I would have been fine with Jessie. You didn't have to go through so much trouble." There goes that overwhelming feeling that he was being a burden to his family, causing them more trouble than necessary. He tries his best to suppress that feeling.

Ross takes Ravi's good hand in reassurance, rubbing his thumb on the back of Ravi's hand. "Ravi it was no trouble at all." Ross says. "We'd rather be here by your side than all the way in Germany where we can't get to you."

"We love you so much Ravi." Christina gives him another hug, accompanied by a quick squeeze. "We were so worried about you. I don't know what I would do if I lost one of my babies."

Ravi feels himself melting in his mother's arms. He didn't realize how much he missed the feeling of being embraced like this until now. He doesn't always get to be around his parents, let alone hug them due to their line of work. He understands completely that they don't always get to be around, but _God_ does he wish he gets to feel this kind of love more often.

"I love you guys too." Ravi mutters into his mother's hair. She releases him, but still keeps him close to her. "I'm sorry for causing all of this distress. It wasn't really my intention." He says with remorse in his voice.

Christina sighs. "No Ravi. There's no reason for you to be apologizing."

"Though we do want to know what drove you to this." Morgan says. Christina instantly glares at him, shooting him sharp daggers. She mentally curses at him for being so insensitive to their fragile son. The look on Morgan's face is a mixture of pure fear and confusion, not yet realizing his mistake.

"What your father means is," Christina starts before turning back to Ravi, "we want you to be open with us, and tell us what you're feeling. We never want you to feel helpless or alone. I know we're not always here, but we're only one phone call away if you ever need us." Christina takes a deep breath, the subject of Ravi trying to kill himself still too much for her to handle. "You don't have to tell us everything now since we know it's still an open wound. You can tell us whenever you're ready. But just remember that no matter how far away we are, we're here for you."

Ravi's heart warms up as he feels tears prick at the back of his eyes. His parents are being so loving, and so understanding. He doesn't feel like venturing into the depths of his troubles, but he knows that his parents deserve some sort of explanation.

Slowly, he unfolds some of his burdens to his parents. He tells them about how he's felt like he didn't belong, and how he felt like his existence was a mistake. He tells them how everyday he's mocked and demeaned at school, and how although it didn't bother him much when he was younger, the constant ridicule made him feel like less of a person. He tells them that he thought it would be easier to end it all instead of live every day hating himself. He tries to sum everything up without making himself and his parents cry, which he failed at doing.

Once Ravi finishes explaining everything, he watches the heartbroken expression on his parents faces and feels instant guilt. He never meant to cause so much grief when he tried to kill himself. He thought he would be doing everyone a favor by being dead and gone. But instead, he just caused worry and stress. He never wanted to do that.

Christina uses every acting technique she has to stop herself from breaking down. She musters up enough strength to allow herself to speak without choking on her words and sobbing hysterically. "Listen to me Ravi," she starts, drying her face, "I don't want you to ever feel like you're a burden to us. I don't want you to ever bottle all of this up again, okay? There are a total of 6 of us who love and care for you. Sometimes 7 when Bertram occasionally tries to care." Ravi chuckles at this through his tears. "Whenever you're feeling this way, I want you to tell one of us. Don't keep it in to yourself. Find someone, anyone in the family to talk to. Do you understand me?"

Ravi nods. He understands. It's hard for him to talk about how he's feeling, how he's hurting. But he knows he has to try. If not for himself, then for his family.

"Good." Christina and Morgan give him another hug, fully reassuring Ravi that he'll be okay, and that his family is always there for him.

"So," Morgan starts once they release Ravi, "you hungry? The nurses brought in some food a few minutes before you woke up." He gestures towards the table with a tray of food placed on it. It doesn't look like normal hospital food that was always equivalent to public school lunch. It actually looks decent enough for someone to causally eat.

Ravi is suddenly aware of how hungry he actually is. The last time he remembers eating was when he got home from school the previous day. And all he ate was a large cookie. So his last full meal was at lunch at around 12. He glances at the time on the small digital clock next to him and sees that it's nearly **5:00 p.m.** _Damn!_ He thinks to himself. He's gone a full 24 hours without eating anything. He's not just hungry. He's famished to the tenth power.

Morgan moves the table above Ravi, and Ravi uses the bed controls so he's sitting up instead of laying down. He winces, the change of position causing his head to pound, but settles into the new position. His mouth instantly salivates when he sees the meal prepared to him. It's nothing special. Just some spaghetti with vegetables, a small piece of chicken, and a fruit cup. But it might as well be lobster. Ravi doesn't waste any time. He digs in instantly.

"Hey," Ravi says in between mouthfuls of spaghetti, "where is everyone else?" Luke said he would be by Ravi's side while he slept, but now he's not. Did Luke already get fed up with Ravi and leave him alone? Did he realize that Ravi wasn't worth all the stress?

"Well Luke fell asleep about an hour ago." Christina nods towards the other side of the room. Ravi turns his head to see his brother comfortably sleeping on one of the couches in his large hospital room. It was a fairly large couch, big enough for Luke to lie on without his feet dangling off the edge. He was fast asleep lying on his stomach with his head facing the back of the couch, away from Ravi. Ravi sighs, relieved that his brother didn't leave him alone.

"He refused to leave when we got here. He was sitting right next to you fighting sleep before we made him go lie down." Morgan says, absentmindedly taking the fruit cup from Ravi's tray. Christina grabs it from him and places it back in its spot. Morgan sighs as he continues. "Jessie, Emma, Zuri, and Bertram were here too, but we sent them home to eat, shower, and do whatever else they need to do. They should be back any minute now."

As if on cue, Jessie, Emma, Zuri, and Bertram walk into the room, looking somewhat refreshed and refurbished. The still have anxious expressions and are dripping with worry, but at least now they look human.

They're eyes instantly light up when they saw Ravi awake. "Ravi!" Emma and Zuri exclaim as they run to him, giving him a warm hug. Ravi smiles as he returns the hug with his good arm. The two instantly ramble on about how scared they were, and how relieved they are that he's okay, and how he better not try something like that ever again.

"Guys keep it down." Jessie hushes the two, eyeing Luke's sleeping figure. "Luke's sleeping. You're gonna wake him up."

Zuri instantly dismisses the idea of Luke waking due to their loudness. "Nothing can wake him up. He could sleep through an earthquake."

Jessie and Bertram make their hugs short yet just as warm and reassuring. Ravi can't remember the last time he felt so much love and affection from his family. He's gone so long feeling unloved and ignored. Having all this attention all at once is slightly overwhelming. But he's grateful for it.

* * *

Ravi is released from the hospital after a couple of days. They had kept him for observation, but he was soon cleared to go home. Ravi is both excited to leave and nervous. He's excited to go back to the comfort of his own home and get away from the claustrophobic feeling of the hospital, but he's also nervous to be released back into the world, back into a place that has the potential to pull him so deep into his dark room he may suffocate.

He's not just nervous. He's terrified.

But nonetheless, his family does a great job of reassuring him, and letting him know that everything will be alright. Having his family with him eases his worries slightly, but he still has that pit feeling that he's all alone. It still lingers within him.

Before being discharged, Ravi had to have a quick session with a therapist recommended by Dr. Sato and Dr. Lauder. The therapist claimed that he "just wanted to talk," but it felt more like an interrogation session. Ravi honestly hated every second of it. He hated the questions the therapist asked and how he asked them. He hated having to tell a total stranger things about himself, things that he was barely comfortable telling his family. He hated how the whole episode made him feel like some sort of mentally challenged patient, who was at high risk of doing some inhumane thing.

Most of all, he hates that he has to meet with this stupid therapist at least once a week.

The therapist is a middle aged man who goes by the name Dr. Phillips. He seems nice in a way. But Ravi dreads being forced to see this guy. How is some stranger supposed to help him anyway?

Not only was Ravi assigned therapy sessions, but he's also being forced to go to group therapy with "other troubled teens like himself." The anxiety the idea of this gave Ravi was enough for 20 people. Ravi already doesn't do too well around other people, especially other kids his age. He is probably the definition of introvert, and has terrible social skills. He's already paranoid beyond belief to go to his school every day and face everyone who hates him. Lord knows what this group of kids will think of Ravi, let alone do to him once he walks into therapy.

He honestly just wants to crawl into a hole and stay there.

It's this same feeling of anxiety that keeps Ravi awake the night he gets home, tossing and turning in bed for what feels like hours. His mind races with involuntary thoughts and worries, making him feel like banging his head against glass. He thinks about what everyone at school will think of him, or how they'll treat him when he's allowed to go back. They'll probably terrorize him even more than before, and make him feel like some sort of freak show. Every time he closes his eyes, he gets flashes of the night he tried to commit, and when he opens them, his mind rears to dark thoughts, and an angry voice tells him he should try again and again until he finally succeeds and rids the world of himself. The madness goes on and on until Ravi finally sits up, clenching his head in his hand. Sweat soaks his t-shirt and he's taking quick breaths, trying hard not to hyperventilate. He can feel a panic attack slowly creeping through him. Or maybe it's an anxiety attack. Or maybe even both.

Ravi suddenly remembers something the therapist told him to do whenever he felt like this. Dr. Phillips told him to count backwards from 10, focusing on each number, how it sounds, and what it means.

Reluctantly, Ravi closes his eyes and starts to count backwards from 10. He tries his best to focus on the numbers he's counting, and not on the dark thoughts invading his head. He honestly feels kind of stupid doing this, but whatever works works. The technique becomes easier to do as he descends from 10 to 1, as the thoughts become less prominent.

Finally, he reaches 1. He sighs a he realizes the therapist's instructions were accurate. The technique eased his mind, subsiding the anxiety attack he was about to have. His heart stopped racing, and he starts to feel much more relaxed. He runs his hand through his messy hair before getting out of bed and heading to his door. He doesn't want to spend another second by himself in his room, with the chance of being attacked by his own subconscious, or having an anxiety attack. He doesn't want to be alone.

Ravi leaves his room, and goes over to the next best place he can think of at this time of night. He picks up his hand and softly knocks on the bedroom door of his brother. Normally Ravi would never go to his brother in the middle of the night because he can't sleep. But under the current circumstances, Luke is the only person who might understand.

He tries his best not to focus on the darkness of the long hallway, afraid of how that might affect him mentally. A few seconds later, Luke opens his door with a slightly annoyed look on his face. Upon seeing his brother, his expression goes from annoyed to confused and concerned.

"Ravi?" He says as his brother gives him a sheepish smile. Luke stifles a yawn. "What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

Ravi shrugs, not really knowing what he should tell Luke. He doesn't really want to talk about the almost anxiety attack. He doesn't even know what that was about anyway. "Yeah, but I, uhh, I can't sleep. Can I come in?"

Luke instantly nods, opening his door wider to let Ravi in. Ravi is surprised to see Luke's room much cleaner than it used to be. It looks as though Luke actually took some time to tidy up his room, or at least enough for the floor to be visible. Ravi tells Luke this and he just chuckles, returning to his spot on his bed and grabbing the laptop he was using before Ravi came.

Ravi climbs into Luke's bed, taking up the empty spot next to him. He leans over, curiously trying to take a peek at what Luke is doing on his laptop. "What are you doing?" he asks.

Luke bites his bottom lip. He has yet to tell his family what his recent favorite thing to do is. "It's uhh, it's nothing really." He looks over at Ravi who's eyebrow is cocked up, waiting for a better explanation than that. Luke sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. If there's anyone he can trust, it's definitely Ravi. "Well, I haven't really told anyone this but," he pauses, "I've been trying to find my birth mom."

Ravi raises his eyebrows in slight shock. "Really?" He remembers how adamant Luke was about finding his birth mom a couple years ago. He figured that Luke was satisfied with how that went, but he guesses he was wrong. Luke hasn't let the subject go.

Luke laughs nervously. "Yeah. It's kinda the reason why I snapped at you the other day after my iPad broke." Luke says softly, regretfully. "I had a lot of information about my mom stored on it and I thought it would be lost forever." Luke looks down, feeling ashamed of how he acted that day, and how he treated Ravi. He'll probably never forgive himself for that.

Ravi nods in understanding. Now it makes slightly more sense why Luke reacted the way he did. "Sorry about that. I didn't know."

Luke shakes his head. "It's fine." He says, completely dismissing the apology as unnecessary. Luke should be the one apologizing continuously for his actions. Not Ravi.

"Well what have you found so far?" Ravi scoots over to get a better look at Lukes laptop. He sees what looks like a webpage for a foster home in Detroit, along with countless other tabs.

"Not much really." Luke clicks on the next tab, which is some sort of people search web page. The next tab is the homepage for a High School in Detroit. Ravi watches intently as Luke goes through each website. "I've found a few things under the name 'Vanessa Olsen,' but it's a lot of dead ends. There are apparently a lot of people in the United States with that same name." Luke chuckles. "Who would've thought…"

"Can I see?" Ravi asks. Luke nods, handing his laptop to Ravi, being careful not to hurt his arm. Ravi places the laptop in his lap and begins going through each website. He can see that Luke has done a lot of work already, and has put a lot of effort into his search. Ravi clicks on the Microsoft Word tab on the taskbar and finds what looks to be notes Luke took on his mom. Ravi is completely shocked by this. Never has he seen Luke put so much effort into something. Luke was the epitome of lazy, and rarely did anything that required a lot of work. So to see that Luke was putting actual work into this was pretty admirable.

"Wow." Ravi says. He looks at Luke. "You've done a lot by yourself."

Luke just nods as Ravi continuous to go through the web browsers. "You know," Ravi starts, an idea popping in his head, "I can help you if you want."

"Really?" Luke's face lights up at Ravi's offer. "You'd help me find my mom?"

Ravi nods. He has a fair amount of knowledge about computers to know how he can track down Luke's birth mother. Plus, he could use the distraction. "Yeah. I'll help you out."

The smile on Luke's face warms Ravi's heart as Luke claps him on the shoulder. "Thanks man. This makes me feel so much better about this whole thing."

Ravi smiles back. The two work intently on the search, looking through various websites and going through phone numbers, addresses, and other form of information until they fall asleep.

* * *

 _ **This is more of a filler chapter. We didn't want to end it here but the writer's block is strong right now.**_

 _ **Anyway, don't forget to vote on the poll. If we end up doing slash and you didn't want slash, don't get mad because you didn't vote! (Said with love)**_

 _ **Thanks for reading! Reviews are kindly appreciated!**_

 _ **If you like it review. If you like it review. If you like it, then take your little fingers and write a review. Don't be lazy now!**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia**_


	6. Chapter 6: Night After

_**Yooooooo…..**_

 _ **Let's just ignore the fact that it's been months.**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **We do not own Jessie.**_

* * *

 _ **Chapter 6: Night After**_

The Ross house is quiet, which would be expected at 6 a.m.

The darkness that consumed the penthouse due to the night begin to fade as hints of sunlight start to peek over the horizon, painting the once black sky with beautiful shades of pink, orange, yellow, and red. The pre-sunrise light slightly illuminates the penthouse, peeking through the balcony and the windows surrounding the home. Soon, the sun will fully ascend, casting endless light throughout the house. When this happens, it will be the official start of a new day.

As light begins to shine into the house, everything remains quiet, peaceful, and still.

Until Ravi abruptly sits up in bed.

Ravi is suddenly jolted out of his sleep. He's breathing heavily, gasping loudly every time he inhales. His eyes bulge out of their sockets as if he were frightened. He's shaking, and can actually see his whole arm vibrating, from his shoulder to the tips of his fingers. His heart is racing a million miles a minute and he's drenched in cold sweat.

And he has no idea why.

Ravi can't remember a single detail about the dream (or more likely nightmare) that scared him out of his sleep. He closes his eyes tight trying to grasp on anything that could help him remember, but he came up with nothing. He's not even sure if he really dreamed of anything. All he remembers is becoming drowsy while browsing the internet, and then nothing.

Maybe it was another panic/anxiety attack that woke him up.

Ravi closes his eyes. He takes a deep breath in and slowly lets it out. He does this a few times until his heart stops pounding and his not shaking anymore. It takes about a minute for him to fully calm down, but he finally does. _Whatever it was, it's over,_ he thinks to himself.

As he runs a hand through his now wet and messy hair, Ravi glances at the clock next to him. **5:58 a.m**. He doesn't have to wake up until **7:00** , but he's almost certain he won't be able to go back to sleep now.

He shifts himself so he can get out of bed, but stops when he realizes the bed sheets his on aren't his. He furrows his brows in confusion. _Since when did I like basketball?_ He thinks to himself as he runs his hand over the soft fabric of the sheet. His eyes follow his hand as it moves across the material until the land on Luke's sleeping body next to him. _Oh yeah,_ he thinks to himself as he begins to remember where he was.

He spots Luke's laptop lying wide open on the bed, the screen black. He quickly closes the lid, remembering how focused he and Luke were the night before, searching the internet long and hard and taking notes as they go along. They had been working so hard that they lost track of time and probably knocked out at around 2 or 3 o'clock. And during that whole time, Ravi didn't think once about therapy or anxiety attacks or being misplaced in the world or cutting himself or suicide. For once, he seemed to have a slight escape from himself, and put all of his focus into something he enjoyed doing.

But now it's hours later. The concentration Ravi had while he was working with Luke is long gone, leaving his mind empty and just waiting to embrace the coldness of his dark room with open arms. He could almost physically feel how cold and hallow it is in there. It made him shiver.

Shaking his head in an attempt to rid his mind of any thinking, Ravi slides out of Luke's bed and tip tops as quickly as possible out of Luke's room. He closes the door to Luke's room behind him, the door making a soft click. He stands there in the darkness of the hallway for a minute. Though the sun has started to rise, there isn't a window in this hallway to chase away the darkness. So despite the current dawn, the hallway was consumed in darkness.

So Ravi stands in the dark hall. The darkness is so intense and so uninviting that Ravi can almost feel it starting to envelop him in its' sharp cold claws, and pulling him further in. He can feel it jabbing at him, taunting him, reminding him of who he knows he is and how he will never change; reminding him of how he'll always remain that useless boy lying in a pool of his own blood who nobody wanted. Who nobody cared about. It's as though he can feel every inch of darkness pinching and pulling at his skin, gripping him in a tight, unbreakable hold. It's as if the dark room in his mind has somehow magically found its' way out of his thoughts and virtualized itself right in front of him. He wonders to himself if this is what his dark room would physically feel like if it were real. It seems pretty accurate, right down to the feeling of him wanting to scream until his lungs bleed out, until he can't feel anything else and he's finally released from this hell.

The sound of someone's loud alarm clock snaps Ravi out of it. He closes his eyes and inhales before making his way to his room.

Once inside, he leans his back against the closed door and slides down to the floor. He cradles his bandaged arm, passing his fingers over the rough feeling of the gauze. It amazes Ravi how under these bandages are stitches keeping his torn skin in place, holding it closed until it can heal and hold itself closed. Until it is fixed.

It also amazes him how a few strokes of a blade against his skin could mean the difference between life and death; how that was all it took for him to cross that fine line between this world and whatever lay ahead in the next life; and how it almost ridded him of the harsh world around him. A world that constantly pushed him out, and begged for him to be gone.

Yet, that same incision could be fixed, and made into something stronger.

Ravi mechanically picks himself up off the floor and drags himself to the bathroom for a shower. The hot water from the shower head soothes this skin, relaxing his tensed and trembling muscles and causing him to lose himself in the mist and fog of the bathroom. He wonders if he can just stay in the shower all day, hiding away from the rest of the world in this foggy relaxation. He has to return to school today, and he's almost definitely certain that he's not ready to go back. He's not ready to face the rest of the world after what he did to himself, let alone his school. The news that Ravi Ross had been in the hospital after a failed suicide attempt must have circled the school three times by now. News like that didn't just go unnoticed. There is probably a line of people ready to make his life even more of a living hell, only now with more bait to use against him. Truth be told, he is legitimately scared. He's scared of what he will have to face at school.

Regardless of how scared he is, he can't tell anyone. Jessie and his parents have already been tremendously stressed over him, taking time out of the day to check on him, making sure he's okay, and reminding him that he's loved. They've been worrying about him so much. He doesn't want to add more to the worry and stress. Well, more than he already has anyway.

Ravi isn't sure how much time he's spent in the shower, but he knows he's wasted enough time mentally debating with himself when he stared at his shriveled up fingers and realized he still hasn't washed himself yet. He quickly grabs the soap and shampoo and get to work. He's extra careful when dealing with his left arm. Although the bandages are waterproof and will protect his arm while it heals, it hurts way more than he's letting anybody know. Even the slightest touch causes him immense pain.

The whole bathroom is fogged over by the time Ravi gets out of the shower. He grabs a towel, dries himself off a bit, and wraps it around his waist as he walks out of the heated bathroom. Once back in his room. He glances at his clock and realizes it's already **7:00**. He's not sure how it could have possibly taken Ravi a whole hour to go from Luke's bed to his shower. But it did.

He must've spent like half an hour in that shower or something.

It doesn't really matter. He could spend all day in the shower and be content with that.

Ravi finishes drying himself and his hair before rolling on some deodorant and putting on clean clothes. He opts for some dark wash jeans and a black t-shirt, which was much different from his normal long sleeved shirts and hoodies. If it were up to him, he would go right back to wearing long sleeves, but the doctors told him it was best he give his wound a little breathing space (which was ironic since the whole thing was completely bandaged). He doesn't feel like being defiant and gives in to the doctor's orders.

Plus he's pretty sure someone in his family will tell on him if disobeys the doctor.

Once his shoes are tied and he's dressed, he quietly makes his way out of his room, shutting his bedroom door behind him. The light in the hallway had been turned on, finally giving light to the windowless space. He can hear his siblings bustling around in their rooms, rushing to get ready for the day. It seems as though he'll be the first one ready for breakfast. He wonders for a minute whether he should go back in his room and wait a few minutes for the rest of his family to get ready when the door to Luke's room opens and Luke appears, freshly showered and dressed. He almost jumps when he sees Ravi standing there, but then instantly smiles.

"Hey Ravi." Luke says, seeming oddly cheery for seven in the morning.

"Hey." Ravi breathes, stepping forward. "I didn't think you'd be ready so soon." Luke isn't one to wake up on time, or get ready on time, or be on time for school. So seeing him already up and going is pretty strange behavior for the teenage boy.

Luke shrugs and he steps away from his room door. "I kinda woke up thirty minutes early and couldn't fall asleep." He doesn't include the small detail that he woke up because a nightmare that probably could've caused his heart to stop. Or caused it to explode. Either one worked. "What about you? Why are you up so early?"

Ravi smirked. "I kinda woke up an hour early." Ravi also fails to tell Luke how a dream he doesn't even remember shocked him out of his sleep. Wouldn't the therapist just _love_ to hear that.

Luke snorts. "Guess we're on the same boat, huh?" Ravi let's out a chuckle in agreement. The two stand there in an awkward silence, neither one willing to say anything to break it. Neither one knows what to say either.

Finally, Luke thinks of something to say. "You ready to go back to school?" He knows the question is risk and Ravi may shut him out and not answer, but he has to at _least_ try to reach out to him.

Ravi shoves his hands into his back pockets as he contemplates how to answer Luke's question. No, he does not want to let his brother know that he's absolutely terrified of what he'll face, and that he's definitely not ready. So he just nods his head as he says, "Yeah, I'm ready." Ravi instantly feels guilty for lying to his brother about this. He feels so guilty that his nods turn into head shakes as he speaks. "No, I'm not. I'm honestly a little scared." An understatement but at least it isn't a full on lie.

"I understand." Luke says as he walks over to Ravi, wrapping his arm around the younger boys shoulders. "But you have Emma, Zuri, and I to help you out and keep away any idiot who tries to mess with you. Okay?" He squeezes Ravi's shoulder and gives him a hopeful look.

What Luke said doesn't do much to ease his mind or his building anxiety. But all Ravi can do is put on a brave face. He smiles and nods at his brother. "Yeah. Okay."

* * *

 _ **Think of this as a filler chapter.**_

 _ **Chapter 7 is already in the works. Should be uploaded before the end of the week. I hope people still read this even though it's been forever.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading.**_

 _ **If you like it review. If you like it review. If you like it, please review even though it's been a while.**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia.**_


	7. Chapter 7: Unspoken Promises

**Yes we know. We took long to update. It's been a while, yada yada.**

 **Here's the next chapter. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer:** **We do not own Jessie.**

* * *

 _Chapter 7: Unspoken Promises_

Ravi can feel the hush that falls on the halls of Walden Academy as the Ross family walks through the main entrance. The difference in the noise level before and after the family enters the school is almost disturbing. Prior to their entry, the students of Walden Academy buzzed with life, running from one section of the school to the next in hopes of catching up with their friends after the long weekend. Chatter filled the building from wall to wall as the children talked and laughed and gossiped. But once they caught sight of Ravi, Luke, Emma, and Zuri, they all quieted down as if an off switch was hit. It's almost eerie, as though it were out of a horror film. It's as though a silent demon sweeps among the students, taking away their ability to converse with their peers and forcing them to stare down the Ross'. All eyes land on the Ross siblings, and more specifically, on Ravi.

It would be a lie if Ravi said that this isn't creeping him out. It is more than creeping him out. All those eyes watching him as he walks down the hall, eyeing his arm. It feels like their eyes are seeing straight through him, staring right through his soul, revealing his secrets. It makes him feel naked and vulnerable. More vulnerable than he already is. He can almost hear their thoughts starting to judge him and mentally devour him as he walks by. He can just imagine what they must be thinking about him.

Luke instantly senses Ravi's discomfort as they enter the school. Eyeing the rest of the students irately, he snarls, "What is everyone looking at? Just mind your own business!" This seems to snap everyone out of their trances as they start to busy themselves with something other than the Ross family. The chatter slowly begins to fill the hallways again.

Ravi signs in relief as he turns to Luke. "Thanks for that." Luke, who seems oddly angered, could only nod in response as he looks around him.

The family had already known how the school would react to Ravi's return. Emma, Zuri, and Luke had discussed it amongst themselves prior to Ravi's release from the hospital. The night before Ravi was scheduled to return home, the three Ross siblings gathered in Luke's bedroom. None of them had agreed to meet with each other, yet something caused Emma and Zuri to leave their rooms at midnight and head to Luke's room. It was like an unspoken promise had passed between them, calling them to each other.

They sat in the Lukes room, somewhat feeling comforted by being near each other. It took a while before they started to address the elephant in the room. For a while, they just sat in the silent darkness of Luke's room, enjoying each other's company.

After a few moments, Luke finally broke the silence. "You guys know nothing will be the same, right?" He looked at his sisters who couldn't bring themselves to look him in the eyes without feeling ashamed. "Ravi. Us. Our whole family. It will never be the same."

Emma shook her head. "I'm not even sure how I should act around him now." She confessed as she pulled her blanket tighter around her. "I'm afraid I might say or do something wrong and it will trigger him to hurt himself again and…" she trailed off, unable to finish.

"What are we gonna do?" Zuri asked her two older siblings, chewing her bottom lip. Usually Zuri is one to hold her own. She has grown to become a very independent person who didn't need a hand to hold and guide her all the time. She's taken pride in being able to fend for herself and take care of herself. Yet in this situation, she felt completely clueless, and longed for a hand to hold her and to help her figure out what to do.

Luke sighed. "One thing we can't do is act weird around Ravi. We can't make it seem obvious that we're scared of upsetting him or that we feel awkward around him because that might make things worse." He knew that Ravi wouldn't want them to be uncomfortable around him. He would want his siblings to go back to being their happy selves and to not worry about him (which is impossible at this point).

"I agree." Zuri added as she picked the lint off of Luke's comforter. "The last thing we need is for him to feel guilty because we're idiots."

"Yeah. And we have to you know be there for him, and make sure he doesn't feel alone." Luke chewed his bottom lip as he thought. "Like walking him to class."

Emma shrugged. "Or making sure that nobody at school bothers him."

Luke nodded. "Yeah definitely." He was honestly prepared to do whatever it would take to protect his brother from whatever outer demons he would face. "We need to do everything we can to show him we care. We need to make sure we don't screw up again."

That last thing Luke said seemed to trigger something in them as they thought about everything they might have said or done to Ravi that would make him so depressed. Almost every day has been spent belittling him because of his size, style, nerdiness, accent. And for what? What was the point of it all anyway? Just because he seemed like an easy target? Because it didn't directly affect them when they were tormenting him? They almost lost their brother because of their selfish, stupid ways. Why had it not occurred to them before that maybe, just maybe Ravi was hurting on the inside?

"We really messed up, didn't we?" Emma whispered, hugging her knees. "We've failed as siblings."

"I can't stop replaying what happened in my head." Zuri stared out the window into the darkness of the night. "I just keeps playing over and over like some terrible nightmare I can't wake up from." She felt a lump form in her throat as she thinks about Ravi's near dead body splayed out on his bathroom floor. It was the most traumatizing thing she's ever seen in her life. She couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe had she considered his feelings more and been less of a bully to him, none of this would have happened. She sighed as she crossed her arms and stared into her lap. "I just want to take back everything I've done to him so this would've never happened."

Luke swallowed back an identical lump in his throat before he speaks. "It's not your fault Zuri. Had I not been such an ass to him in the first place he would have never tried to kill himself." He scoffed as he ran a hand through his curly tresses. "All because of a stupid tablet."

"Luke stop placing all the blame on yourself!" Zuri exclaimed, catching Luke off guard. She's had just about enough of his pity party. He wasn't the only Ross sibling involved in this. "It's not only unfair to you, but to me and Emma. And Ravi too.

"We are each responsible for this. The three of us have done many things to Ravi for him to believe we don't care. Not just you." She stared down Luke, making sure the point got across to him. He stared back at her wide eyed, looking like a little boy being reprimanded. "Blaming yourself doesn't do anything to help us. It just makes yourself feel guiltier."

A tear rolled down Luke's cheek. He hadn't even realized his eyes started tearing up. He quickly reached to wipe his face with the back of his hand and looked away from his sisters.

"Can we just all agree to do better?" Emma suggested after a moment of silence. "The least we can do is treat him better, and make things easier for him."

So they all agreed. The three of them agreed to take better care of Ravi and to treat him more like a sibling. They agreed to protect him from any others who would torment him or make him feel unwanted. Just because they failed once doesn't mean they have to fail again.

Needless to say, Emma, Zuri, and Luke were more than prepared to deal with the entire judgmental Walden Academy student body. It was almost no surprise to them when the whole school became quiet upon their arrival, but it was still infuriating as hell.

After Ravi got his necessary books from his locker, the four of them walk to Ravi's first period class, making sure to barricade him from the rest of the school. Though a little strange, Ravi is thankful for them being so close to him. It's helping to lessen the anxiety of being among so many people at once and so soon.

"You sure you're okay to go in there?" Emma askes once they're in front of his first period door. "You don't have to go to class if you don't feel up to it."

"Yeah. It's not too late to change your mind." Luke adds, seemingly hovering over Ravi.

Ravi steps back and forces a small smile. "Guys I'll be fine. You don't have to worry about me." It feels like he's trying to convince himself of that more than he's trying to convince them. But he doesn't want them to worry about him too much. Or maybe he does but he doesn't want to seem like he's begging for attention. He's not too sure yet.

"Well, I've got to get to class." Zuri states, leaving out the fact that her class is on the other side of the school and she's already going to be late because of their little detour. _Whatever it takes to help Ravi,_ she keeps reminding herself internally. "I'll see you guys later."

They wave bye to her as she heads off in the opposite direction. "I gotta go too." Emma says. She can't be late to English or Mr. Fredricks will give her a detention. Normally she wouldn't stress it, but she's already had four tardys'. She can't afford a fifth one. "I'll see you guys at lunch?" The boys nod as she walks away.

Once Emma is out of site, Luke turns to Ravi placing a hand on his shoulder. "You know if you want I can skip class and stay here with you." Skipping class is nothing new to Luke. He does it on an everyday bases for his own amusement. This would be the first time he would ever skip class to attend a different class. It made absolutely no sense. But, he is willing to do it for Ravi.

However, being the always-follow-the-rules person he is, Ravi declines Luke's offer. "Thanks Luke but I think it's best if you go to class. I'll be fine." He will be fine. He knows he will. He has to be fine. He swallows hard and tries to fight against the anxious thoughts bubbling at the back of his mind.

He might throw up. Or pass out. Or explode. Or combust. Or maybe all of the above.

Ravi does his best to show Luke that he can handle first period on his own. Luke eyes him uncertainly. "Are you sure?" Ravi nods quickly. Luke sighs. He's definitely not convinced that Ravi can be without his family for the next forty-five minutes, but he doesn't want to overwhelm him by attaching himself to Ravi's hip. He has to give him some space too. Protect him, but also give him space.

There has to be some balance to that.

"Alright bro. If you say so. But I'll meet you out here when class is done." Ravi nods an 'okay' to Luke before he heads down the hall to his class. Luke is out of Ravi's site way too soon, and he's suddenly alone in the hallway. Although he's around hundreds of students, he's alone.

Ravi stands there unmoved. He watches as students walk past him. Some are staring back at him. What could they be thinking? Do they know that he tried to kill himself? That's a stupid question. Of course they know. The whole freaking school knows. They're all probably talking about it right now. It must be the number one topic of interest in the boy's locker room. The jocks must be getting a real kick out of Ravi's misery like they usually do.

Ravi can practically hear them all laughing at him as they walk past him in the hall. He can see them point their fingers at him in amusement as if he were the world's best clown in some ridiculous circus. They're unsaid tormenting words swarm around him, deafening and blinding him, suffocating him. He suddenly can't breathe. He can't think. His mind is crowded. Overflowing with darkness. There's no escaping it. It follows him everywhere he goes. It won't leave him alone. _There's only one way out,_ a voice keeps telling him. Is it the darkness? Is something in the dark room telling him this? _There's only one escape._ He can't take it. He wants out. He wants the voice to leave him alone. He wants everyone to leave him alone. Every one of them.

The sudden sound of the warning bell breaks Ravi out of his panic attack. Or anxiety attack. He can't differentiate between the two. He feels cold sweat trickling down his spine, causing him to shiver. No wait. He was already shaking before. His hands are trembling as goosebumps overtake his body, making every inch of hair on him stand up. His heart races and his breaths are shallow.

Ravi grips his hair in his hands and closes his eyes as he starts to count backwards from 10. He takes deep breath in and out with each number. He's still shaken when he gets to 1, but at least his breathing is slowing down.

With every little bit of strength he has in him, Ravi collects himself, turns around, and walks into the class, praying that he can make it through the next 45 minutes without any trouble.

The odds however are not in his favor.


	8. Chapter 8: Pools of Topaz

_**Yooooooo.**_

 _ **Yes we're here. Yes we're alive. Will we tell you why we were gone for so long? Maybe later. Just read the chapter! Thanks.**_

 _ **Disclaimer:**_ _ **We do not own Jessie**_

* * *

 _ **Chapter 8: Pools of Topaz**_

Alright, so far he hasn't combusted yet.

Ravi has been seated in his first period Advanced Geometry class for a whole ten minutes without him having an anxiety/panic attack, without him drawing negative attention to himself (or any attention at all), and without him completely embarrassing himself. All he has to do is make it through the next 30 minutes without anything bad happening.

Ravi isn't going to lie. He drew a bit of attention to himself when he walked through the door. It would probably be impossible for people to just completely ignore him at this point. But the less attention the better. Before he stepped into the classroom, the other students were scattered around talking, laughing, catching up on homework, or sleeping on their desk. But once Ravi walked in a noticeable silence filled the room for a moment as all eyes suddenly landed on him.

It was _very_ uncomfortable, and nearly caused Ravi to turn around and run out of the room. But just as quickly as the silence came, it was gone, and the students went back to doing whatever they were doing before. At this, Ravi sighed in relief. He took a seat towards the back of the room as the bell rang and his teacher walked in.

And he can successfully say that he was able to go ten minutes without any issues.

But of course, all good things must come to an end.

"Alright," Mrs. Palmer, Ravi's 50 something year old Math teacher, addresses the class once she finishes her short lesson. "For the remainder of class I want you to work on the questions at the end of this chapter with the person next to you." Her words are met with a couple of grunts and plenty of smirking faces. "This will be graded so don't try slacking off on this." A chorus of groans fills the air as Mrs. Palmer smirks, feeling like she won a battle.

A battle that Ravi seemingly lost.

Ravi looks around in panic as each student pairs up with the person sitting next to them, getting to work on the assignment. He didn't even consider the possibility of group work amongst his peers. He was hoping he would be able to get through the school day with as little human interaction as possible.

He sinks into his seat as reality of the situation dawns on him.

He's not sure how much time passes. Seconds, minutes, _years_. But the longer Ravi sits there while all the other students busy themselves with the assignment, the faster Ravi's heart beat seems to get and the hotter the temperature in the room seems to be. His eyes widen, as the familiarity of a panic/anxiety attack builds up in him. He looks to the front of the room. Two girls are laughing at something as they work. Are they laughing at him and his inability to socialize with anyone? _Of course they're laughing at you!_ a voice in his head yells. He looks around. Someone else glances at him but goes back to solving the geometry equations. What is she thinking? Is she mentally judging him? _She probably thinks you're pathetic for sitting there alone like a waste of space._ The voice! There it is again! When did Ravi start hearing these voices?

A thought dawns on Ravi. What if he's unable to find someone to do the assignment with? What if nobody bothers to pair up with him, or what if his inability to do _anything_ right cause him to sit for the next 30 minutes with nothing to do but succumb to the inner darkness within him? What if he's never able to do group work for the rest of the year? What if he's unable to participate in school at all? In society in fact? His body starts to shake and he feels his throat closing like he's suffocating. His mind is spinning and he suddenly starts to see small black dots in his vision. He feels lightheaded, like he might pass out. The walls feel like they're closing in—

"Hey."

As if a switch was flipped to _Off_ , everything stops. Ravi's heartbeat slows to a manageable pace. He stops shaking and the black dots dancing in his vision disappear. The walls snap back to their original position and the temperature in the room goes back to normal.

It's as though the voice that spoke served as a distraction from Ravi's panic/anxiety.

Ravi suddenly remembers his motor skills as he turns his head to look at the source of the voice. It's the girl sitting next to him. Dana Ramon. He recognizes her from some other classes they had together. They've basically been in some of the same classes since 7th grade. Ravi's never had the chance to talk to her, nor the incitement or the willpower. They're barely in the same league anyway.

Dana is one of those people who get stereotyped as the rebel, or wild-child, or in some circles, emo. And this is all strictly from appearance. She has the left side of her hair shaved off, and has died her long brown hair purple. Not a bright purple, but a deep, muted type of purple, a type of purple that this generation would consider aesthetically pleasing. It's a really nice color, Ravi decides. It suits her. She has about seven or eight piercings in each of her ears (which must be fun at airport security), a nose piercing, and the snake-eye piercing on her tongue. Her eyeliner isn't too heavy, but it's there, black, and prominent. She wears a black ripped _Metallica_ t-shirt, and red and black checkered pants. Her black vans look like they have been through hell and back. She sports a variety of bracelets, including ones that says _Panic! At the Disco_ , and _Black Lives Matter_ , a _Pride_ bracelet, a beaded bracelet that says _Colombia_ , and a few more that Ravi can't really see. It is rumored that she has a tattoo somewhere on her body, but nobody really knows for sure.

Her appearance nearly _screams_ delinquent, but Ravi knows that she's as far away from a delinquent as China is from the United States. She's been in the top 10% rank in their class since she started school here. She gets straight A's, and is actively involved in school activities. She's in the Yearbook club, Glee club, Latino Heritage Club, Humanitarian Club, Robotics, _and_ she's one of the fastest runners on the Track team. And Ravi is pretty sure that there's plenty more school activities she's involved in.

Not to mention she's notorious for being one of the nicest people at Walden Academy.

So yeah, she and Ravi definitely are not in the same league. She's cool, smart, friendly, mysterious, and loved by everyone. And he, well we already know what he thinks of himself.

Ravi barely responds to her. He just blinks a few times, his mouth agape.

"Do you want to work together?" She points her pencil at her math textbook, open to the page they need to work on. Ravi takes note of her red fingernails.

Ravi looks back up into her brown eyes. They're kind, he can tell. They're unlike the cruel eyes that have judged and mocked him in the past. These eyes seem warm and welcoming. Soft and friendly. Still, Ravi is cautious because even sugar sometimes looks like salt.

Ravi once again remembers his motor skills and nods. "S-sure." He stutters. Dana gestures for him to scoot over and he does, his hands shaking as he does so but this time not because of panic/anxiety.

"Geometry isn't my strongest subject this semester so please bear with me." Dana apologizes. She pushes her book over so Ravi can see.

He leans over to get a better look at the book. "Uum, I-I'm not too good at this either…" he mutters. He fidgets with his hands that sit in his lap, waiting for this first set of human interaction to blow up in his face.

To his surprise, Dana waves him off. "Oh please. I saw your grade on the last test. You got every single question correct, plus the extra credit." His weary eyes look into hers as she smiles at him. "It's pretty impressive, especially in advanced geometry." Ravi's heart skips a beat at the compliment. When was the last time he's received a compliment like this, or at all? Never. That's the correct answer.

Ravi's lip twitches into a weak smile (well, more like a grimace). "T-thanks." He forces his hands to stop fidgeting, and he picks up his pencil to start working.

They finish the assignment in ten minutes, way before anyone else finishes. For someone who isn't strong in geometry, Dana know how to do just about every problem, and got everything correct. She must be one really humble person if she thinks geometry is her worst subject because she's pretty darn good.

Dana closes her textbook and sits back in her chair. "This is what happens when two kids in the top ten percentile of their class work on an assignment together." She smirks.

The start of a new conversations startles Ravi, as he was prepared to go back to being antisocial, but he's not complaining. He didn't expect anything more from Dana, especially after the compliment. It makes him feel slightly better that someone is taking time to talk to him without demeaning him. "Yeah. I guess it is." He chuckles, unsure of what else to say and how to say it.

Dana doesn't notice how he struggles to converse. Or maybe she does notice but doesn't mention it. "I feel like we probably should have done introductions prior to starting the assignment, but I guess I'm kind of a backwards person." She holds out her hand for Ravi to shake. "I'm Dana. Dana Ramon."

Ravi pauses, staring at her hand. He doesn't want to take too long in fear that she might withdraw or think of him as weird, so he takes her hand and shakes. "I er, I know." He states. "We've been in the same classes since 7th grade."

Dana nods. "I figured you would notice that. Kinda hard to miss a girl with purple hair, yah know?" Ravi concludes that he likes talking to this girl. She hasn't mentioned his awkwardness yet and makes him feel as comfortable as someone in his position can feel.

"I'm er, Ravi Ross." He mumbles. Surely she knows about his suicide attempt. The whole school knows. Will she mention it?

"I know," she says and for a second, he fears that Dana, this nice girl who seems so friendly towards him, will say something about his absence, "since, you know, we've been in the same classes since the 7th grade." She repeats his words with a knowing smirk.

Ravi breathes out a short laugh. "Yeah. Right." He nervously says. She didn't mention his absence thank _God._ The relief that washes over him from her statement was refreshing, because for the first time in a long time, he doesn't have this uneasy feeling in the pity of his stomach that made him feel like running to the far end of the earth.

"What class do you have next?" She runs a hand through her hair nonchalantly.

"English."

"With Ms. Stone?"

"Uhh, no with Mr. Fraizer."

"You mean Mr. Edgar-Allan-Poe-reincarnation?"

Ravi laughs again to his surprise. It catches him off guard how much this girl is making him laugh. "Well yeah him." Mr. Fraizer is well known for his wackiness, ridiculous antics, and his notorious love for Edgar Allan Poe. His room is filled with posters, quotes, and paintings of the poet. Yet despite all of that, he's arguably the best teacher at Walden Academy. Every student that has his class looks forward to that period of the day, and every student who is not that fortunate drips with envy. His classes are always vibrant and lively, and he has a way of engaging you in the lesson, and making you want to learn more about sonnets and hyperboles. Nobody that takes his class ever fails.

Even Luke manages to pass his class.

Dana nods as she mindlessly doodles in the corner of her notebook. "I have him last period. Something to look forward to I guess. Did you read those poems he assigned for homework?" She doesn't seem to realize what she asked and who she's asking. Ravi almost instantly freezes, at a loss of what to say.

"No because I spent all of last week in a hospital bed after failing at taking my own life" is what Ravi wants to say, and what someone with more confidence than Ravi would say. Instead, he looks at his hands which are once again fidgeting in his lap. "Umm, I, err…"

Dana's head snaps up. She stops doodling as she realizes her mistake. _You idiot! Of course he didn't. He almost died_ , she internally scolds and mentally slaps herself as she glances down at his left arm. She's tried her damned best to ignore it and not make Ravi feel self conscious about it. She's knows for a fact that the reaction of the rest of the student body isn't too pleasant or subtle, and the last thing he needs is one more person pointing out the obvious.

Dana does what she does best, and makes a potentially awkward situation seem casual. "Riiight, well don't worry because I'm not sure if anyone really read those. They kind of just go on and on about things that nobody really understands…" She quickly goes back to doodling, but it's an ill attempt at looking causal, at least to her.

Ravi looks at his left arm. He's wearing his favorite hoodie and the sleeves are hidden his bandaged arm, but everyone knows it's there. For a split second, he wonders to himself why he should hide his bandage, his scars? Why should he console this from everyone else? Who's feelings where he trying to protect? His or everyone else's? "Thanks, but you don't have to do that." Before he knows what he's doing, he's rolling up his sleeves, revealing his casted arm and the old scars scattered on his right one. "You don't have to ignore this or anything." He gestures toward his arm. _What the hell are you doing?!_ The inner voice yells at him. He ignores it.

He sees the sympathy behind Dana's eyes as she looks down at his arms. "There's more." She murmurs, her eyes dancing over the slice marks on Ravi's arm.

Ravi shrugs. "Y-yeah. I guess I'm pretty damaged, huh?" It's the first time he's said it out loud.

Dana shakes he head as she reaches for his right arm, picking it up to better view the cuts. "Not damage." She states. "Battle scars." She looks into his eyes.

He's never thought of it that way. "Battle scars." He nods in agreement. And it's all weird because he woke up this morning fearing this school, fearing his return to the one place he felt he did not belong, fearing the reaction and treatment of other people, and here was this girl who he never once spoke to, who was treating him like someone with thoughts and feelings, and simply calling his damage 'battle scars'.

As if to say he's been at war with himself and finally, _finally_ he's won with the scars to prove it.

But did he really win though? Did he really?

* * *

The rest of the school day passed without too much happening to Ravi. Dana and Ravi talked a little for the remainder of class until the bell rang and it was time to separate. To his surprise, Luke was already standing outside of the classroom door waiting for Ravi. He wondered if Luke sprinted to the room to get there before Ravi got out. The thought warmed his heart that Luke's top priority was being with Ravi and making sure Ravi was comfortable.

For the first half of the day, he had an escort to each one of his classes, alternating between Luke and Emma, Luke and Zuri, or just Luke. But no matter what, Luke was always standing right outside of his class once the bell rang.

Ravi had maybe one or two panic/anxiety episodes after Geometry, but they were short lived and quickly dissipated after only a few seconds. Ravi wonders if that means they're starting to go away. A couple of his teachers ask him how he's doing and remind him that if he needs anyone to talk to they are there for him. He nods and thanks them, and finds somewhere to sit every time. Some students also took the time to greet him or say a simple 'hey'. Someone even stopped to help him pick up his books after they were knocked down by some students rushing to their next class.

Nobody every helped him before. Everyone used to take pride in knocking him over.

Lunch finally came, and Ravi nearly had another panic/anxiety attack when he realized he had nowhere to sit and would have to sit by himself, alone with just him and the darkness of his room. But then he saw Luke, Emma, and Zuri sitting together, waving him over. They never usually sit together, each Ross sibling having their own social groups they sat with. But they seemingly ditched their peers to have lunch with Ravi.

The thought of him having people to eat lunch with for once was so overwhelming it nearly brought Ravi to tears.

He rushed over to the table his siblings reserved and nearly slipped on a puddle of grape soda in the process. His siblings greeted him with smiles, and seemed genuinely happy to have lunch with him. Ravi ate most of his lunch, and listened to his siblings talk about various things, occasionally joining the conversation. They seemed relieved that he was okay, or was okay on the surface. Was he truly okay on the inside?

Maybe not at the moment, but Ravi doesn't doubt that eventually, he'll truly be okay.

The rest of the school day went like the first half. Luke and one of his sisters would walk him to his classes, his teachers would approach him, he would sit in the back and do his best to ignore the not so sly glances of his classmates, and the cycle would repeat. This continues until the end of the school day after Ravi's last class. After Ravi packs up his belongings and swings his back onto his back, he walks out of the classroom expecting to see Luke's freckled face, but instead meeting the smiling faces of Emma and Zuri. He furrows his eyebrows at the absence of his brother.

Neither Emma nor Zuri notice. "You ready to go?" Emma asks him as they begin walking down the hall.

"Uhh, yeah," Ravi looks around, expecting Luke to pop out of some obscured place, "but where's Luke?"

"He was sent to the principals office before last period." Zuri informs him as they approach Ravi's locker. "I think he has detention."

Ravi opens his locker and starts putting away his books. "Detention? Why?"

"He got into a fight before last period."

Ravi nearly drops the books he was taking out onto his toes as he jumped back in shock. He quickly gathers himself and stuffs the books into his bag. Luke? In a fight? Luke was known to cause some ludicrous trouble around the school, and has gotten detention for many reasons, but _never_ was he involved in a fight. It's not like him to fight other people. He's never been a violent person. At least not really.

"A fight?!" The shock and astonishment is evident in Ravi's voice. Zuri and Emma slightly flinch at his reaction. Ravi all but slams his locker shut. "Why on earth would he get involved in a fight? And with who?"

Emma gives Zuri a knowing look. She knew Ravi wouldn't react well to the news since he's never been an advocate of violence. She contemplated on telling him, but she and Zuri didn't think lying to Ravi would do anything to help him. It would only aid in harming him. "We don't know. We weren't there. We just heard about it through the rumor mill."

Ravi groans and starts walking, Zuri and Emma following behind him. He notices the few stares he gets as he walks and subconsciously holds his bad arm close to him as if protecting it. This makes him remember earlier that morning when Luke snapped at everyone for staring at Ravi when he and his siblings walked in. It makes him wish Luke was around.

He shakes his head. "How long is detention for?" Ravi asks the girls. He's never had detention before so he wouldn't know from experience. He believes it's 45 minutes to an hour or so.

"An hour and a half." Zuri responds. "Sometimes less if there's good behavior."

Ravi sighs. Good behavior isn't in Luke's vocabulary. It's safe to say that he won't be getting out of detention any time soon.

They continue walking towards the exit of the school. Ravi considers waiting for Luke until detention is over, but doesn't voice his opinion because they never usually wait for Luke when he has detention. Why would they decide against it just because he wants to stay behind? Emma and Zuri probably have a ton of important things to do anyway. Things more important than waiting with Ravi for Luke to get out of detention. He pushes the idea to the farthest corner of his mind.

As they walk, Ravi takes note of the different groups of cliques and social groups hanging out in the hall. Girls stand by their lockers laughing, gossiping, and fixing their makeup. Some students walk down the hall laughing and joking with each other, playfully shoving each other as they go along. Ravi envies them, and how easy acting like a normal teenager came to them. He envies how they don't struggle like him, and how they don't struggle to keep from an anxiety/panic attack when overwhelmed by the thoughts swarming in their heads; how they don't have to worry about someone adding on to the already heavy baggage that brings hell into their lives; how they don't walk around feeling hollowed and numb, and mentally living in a dark room with no doors or windows, with no escape, with voices telling them that they don't deserve existence.

He wonders what it would feel like to not struggle like he has been.

Ravi's train of thought comes to a halt as a group passes by him. The group is made up of about 5 very tall guys wearing varsity letterman jackets in the school colors. They're laughing, fist bumping, and practically clearing the hallway as if it was the red sea being parted by Moses. It's as though they're some sort of royal court, and everyone must make way for them and bow down to them.

Well, as the varsity basketball team, they are pretty much kings.

Ravi's breath quickens as they walk past him. All he can currently think about is that video. That video that was created _by_ the basketball team, meant to hurt and destroy Ravi. That same video that caused everything to spiral out of control. Ravi remembers it vividly. He remembers the way the cartoon character was drawn, how they mocked his Indian accent and heritage, how they called him a terrorist, and how his siblings laughed along with it. He remembers it all, and how he furiously broke Luke's iPad in a darkened rage he didn't know he had. He remembers how that was like the icing on the cake, the one thing that sealed the deal on what he had to do.

The memories are unbearable. Ravi wants to confront them and figure out who's responsible. At the same time, he wants to run and hide and cry and never resurface. At the same time, he just wants an anxiety/panic attack to over take him. By the looks of it the last one might be coming true.

They continue to laugh amongst themselves, not for a second acknowledging Ravi's existence. They must know what their video did to him. Hell, everybody knows what that video did to him. Yet none of them glance his way if even for a second. None of them look at all sorry for the pain, for the hell.

It's as if they're happy with what happened.

Ravi suddenly feels the chill one gets when being intensely stared at. His eyes single in on the origin of the chill. His brown eyes meet a pair of hazel ones. No, hazel isn't the word to describe them. They are like pools of gold, like topaz gems. Yes, that's it. They resemble two topaz gems that capture and reflect the sunlight back to you. Flecks of brown and green dance around the topaz, adding warmth and comfort to the already glorious gems. The flecks remind Ravi of something sweet, like candy or chocolate.

The topaz eyes are surrounded by the longest eyelashes Ravi has ever seen on anyone in his entire life. They are exactly what girls would be envious of, and it looks as though the lashes help to capture the sunlight into the luminous topaz. It's like staring into the sun, or staring at two bright stars, that succeed in shining in the night sky despite the city lights.

And it's the same eyes that leaves the warmest feeling in Ravi's core.

Ravi has to force himself to look beyond the eyes and to the person they belong to. Grayson Sinclair, co-captain of the varsity basketball team. He isn't as tall as his other teammates who tower over the student body at 6'0 and up, but he is tall enough at a solid 5'8 or 5'9. Ravi remembers how everyone underestimated his talent because he isn't as tall as the rest of the team, but Grayson plays even better than most of the basketball players in New York City high schools (he was ranked in the top 5 percentile in some sports news thing that Ravi can't remember the name of).

His hair is the exact color of milk chocolate, and he wears it in a high fade with the long hair on top of his head tied into a man bun. His olive skin looks smoother than butter, and all Ravi really wants to do is run his hands down Grayson's cheeks, and traces the skin around his high and defined cheek bones. His full lips are stretched out, revealing a pearly white smile and one crooked bottom tooth. The dimples on his cheeks are so dangerously deep it doesn't seem humanly possible.

But once Ravi meets his eyes, he notices that they brilliant smile has disappeared. He thinks it started to disappear before Ravi looked at him. Ravi doesn't recognize the expression on Grayson's face. He can't decipher the emotions running across Grayson's face as they stare deep into each other's souls. His hazel/topaz eyes seem to be yelling with sadness, but they're also whispering uncertainty. His eyebrows furrow, then relax, then furrow again. His lips are downturned, and he bites them rhythmically, as if he wants to say something, or do something. For a moment, he opens his mouth, leaving it agape. Ravi thinks he's going to speak, but one of the taller players wraps an arm around Grayson's shoulders and leads him away, laughing about something that probably isn't that funny to begin with.

Ravi's eyes follow Grayson as he walks away, his head turning too. He watches as the group of basketball players turns a corner, leading Grayson away as they do. As they walk away, Ravi can't help but wonder what Grayson was going to say to him.

"… _Ravi!_ "

Ravi jumps and snaps his head back to his sisters who unbeknownst to him witnessed the whole encounter (or lack there of). "Umm, are you okay?" The concern is high in Emma's voice, alond with the confusion. "You just zoned out for a moment."

Ravi blinks. He didn't realize how long he had been staring at the team, along with Grayson Sinclair. He can't even come up with a plausible reason as to why he locked his eyes on the him to begin with. He hopes they don't ask him about it because he doesn't feel like explaining. "Uhh yeah I'm okay." He's really not sure whether he's okay or not, but this time it's for a completely different reason. "We should just go."

And with that, Ravi speeds off towards the main entrance, his sisters doing their best to keep up with him.

* * *

Luke has been doing his goddamned best to protect Ravi from anything that might upset him or trigger him or make him feel uncomfortable all day. He's made sure that Ravi had someone to accompany him to his classes (Luke had to beg all his teachers to let him leave class a few minutes early so he would be the first thing Ravi sees when he walks out). He's kept Ravi away from the mountain of questions and comments that everyone had, and used his eyes to send the deadliest of glares to anyone who crossed him. He's created somewhat of a barrier around Ravi to keep the negative out, and each time Ravi started to panic, Luke did everything in his power to calm it.

Luke has to give himself props. He's done a damn good job at being there for Ravi for the whole day.

He smiles to himself as he walks to his final class of the day. He loves the warm feeling he gets from helping his brother adjust, and from spending time with him in general. He hates himself for not spending more time with Ravi, but he's vowed to do everything in his power to keep Ravi happy and to treat him the way a brother should treat a brother.

"Hey Ross!"

Luke stops in his tracks at the sound of the ever so familiar booming voice from behind him. He can already feel his muscles tensing up as he turns to face the owner of the voice. Evan Carter. The schools resident fuckboy and asshole, and also one of the star players of the basketball team. He's known not only for his slam dunks, but for the way he sleeps around from girl to girl, promising the world to them only to tear them apart. He's known for being the biggest jerk to almost everyone in everyway possible.

And he has bullied Ravi countless times.

All Luke wants to do is wipe the smirk clean off Evans face. But he stands where he is, waiting for Evan to say what he has to say. "I'm surprised to see your face here so soon."

"What do you want Carter?" Luke's voice is laced with ice as he speaks. He resents Evan Carter, and he would just love to punch him in his nose, but he's not one to rely on physical violence so he keeps all of his steam in for the time being.

Evan shrugs. "Y'know, just thought I'd check up on yah, see how you're holding up." His smirk grows as some students stop to watch the encounter. "It's a shame what happened to your Taliban brother, isn't it?"

Luke clenches his jaw, his hands going into fists. "Why don't you just fuck off Carter?"

Evan laughs at Luke's angry expression. "Now come on. Don't wanna be hostile when we don't need to be." His conniving voice made the hair stand up on the back of Luke's neck. A vein throbs in the center of his forehead. The steam is boiling inside of him. "Just thought I'd giving my condolences."

They stare each other down, fury staring into deceit. Luke hates how much Evan Carter is enjoying this little showdown. It's evident on his face how much he loves messing around with people. It's sickening to think that someone can get such a rise out of other people's distress.

Luke takes a deep breath to calm himself. Carter knows what he's doing. He's saying the things he knows will get a reaction out of Luke, and it honestly isn't worth his time or energy. His jaw unclenches and his muscles start to relax. He turns to leave, but the words Evan Carter says next is what causes him to snap.

"Tell Ravi that next time, he should cut deeper. It's better for everyone if the little shit would have just died anyway."

Red. All Luke can see after this point is red as he spins around and charges at Evan like a bull. Evan doesn't expect it since he's first smiling like an idiot. But when Luke's fist connects firmly with Evan's jaw, the shock on his face is evident. The force of the punch knocks him off balance and he falls onto a few onlookers who merely push him back up.

Evans face has turned a beet red as he punches Luke right in the eye, causing him to fall to the ground. Evan has the upper hand and pins Luke to the ground with his knees and punches him again. It would seem that Evan is winning, but Luke is so enraged that he's practically turning into Hulk because the next thing they know, Luke is pinning Evan down to the ground and throwing punch after punch at his face.

He punches Evan clean in his nose, hearing something crack. He sends another punch to his temple, feeling his own knuckles bruise from contact with the skull but that doesn't phase him. The next punch is aimed at his jaw again, making the already reddening skin turn shades of purple and blue.

Luke elbows Evan in the chest, causing him to cough nastily. He doesn't stop. He's sweating bullets and a cut underneath his eye is bleeding, but he doesn't stop.

"Don't _ever_ talk about Ravi again!" Luke says as a punch lands somewhere on Evans face. He's not paying attention anymore. "Don't! Ever! Fucking! Talk! About! My! Brother! Like! That! Ever! Again!" He lands a punch on Evans face with every word. Blood pours from Evans nose, mouth, and left ear, but Luke doesn't stop. Evan looks just about ready to pass out, but Luke doesn't stop. He won't stop. Because while Evan Carter was being the happy asshole he always is, Ravi was bleeding out on his bathroom floor. So no, Luke won't stop.

Luke is getting ready to land another punch on Evans temple, which would surely knock him unconscious, when school safety pulls him off of the other boy. He withers and wrestles against them, but stops when he realizes he isn't getting anywhere. The principal stands next to him, staring daggers at Luke. Normally Luke would shrink back, but the blood is boiling so hot in his veins that it takes every ounce of self control for Luke to not lounge at the principal.

The principal speaks, but Lukes ears are ringing and he can't focus on anything except for the school safety officer who helps to haul Evan off the floor. He staggers, and looks ready to pass out. _Good_ , Luke thinks to himself. He ignores the disgust building inside of him, as he rationalizes that he did it for Ravi. He beat up Evan Carter for all the hell he put Ravi through.

 _It's for Ravi_ , Luke thinks as he is led away to the principals office.

* * *

 _ ***Casually goes into hibernation for the next year or so* Just kidding!**_

 _ **Please review. Thanks**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia**_


	9. Chapter 9: Repay The Debt

_**Yeah yeah I know it's been a while.**_

 _ **Disclaimer**_ _ **: We do not own Jessie.**_

* * *

 _ **Chapter 9: Repay the Debt**_

Luke has definitely screwed up big time.

And he has the throbbing in his eye and right hand to prove it.

Principal Baker definitely isn't a happy camper either. Not with the way he stares dangerous daggers at Luke, as if wishing for the 16 year old to explode into a million pieces and never to return to the school. He has been sitting behind his very nicely crafted mahogany desk for at least two minutes straight, staring at Luke like a wolf stares at prey.

Yup, Baker is most definitely angry. And Luke is about to be in for the punishment of his life.

Luke wants to speak up, but the glare Principal Baker gives him makes him keep his mouth glued shut. He's afraid that by uttering the smallest of syllables will cause Baker to turn into the mightiest of dragons and breathe fire everywhere.

So, Luke sits silently while placing a bag of ice on his left eye.

"Mr. Ross," Baker finally ends his silent streak and speaks to Luke with frustration dripping from his voice, "I believe I have been very patient when it comes to you and your misdemeanors, pranks, disorderly conduct, and complete disregard for school regulations. I have spoken with your parents and guardian. I have given countless detentions and pleaded with the school board against expelling you because you and your family have been so kind and generous to this school, and I see so much potential in you." His hands land on the desk, making a sound that causes Luke to jump. "But now you're _assaulting_ other students?! You're fighting students as if this is some boxing ring and not a school?!" Luke shrinks in his seat, not liking the angry yet disappointed look his principal is giving him. "This kind of behavior is unacceptable and inexcusable! It is _completely_ outrageous! What do you have to say for yourself?"

What does he have to say for himself? What can he say for himself? Nothing. Luke threw the first punch. Luke started the brawl. No matter what he said, he would still be in the wrong in the eyes of the principal.

Would it be fair? Hell no. Evan has been getting away with bullying students and beating them up ever since Luke can remember. His actions get overlooked every single time because of how valuable he is to the basketball team, and how much his parents have donated to the school. He gets to walk around like a vicious lion scaring the innocent and never face the consequences for it.

So yeah, it really isn't fair.

Luke sits silently. He can't meet the eyes of his principal he impatiently and irately waits for a reply from Luke. "Nothing? You have no explanation for yourself?" Baker has had to deal with difficult teenagers for quite a few years now. He's dealt with disagreements between students, and irrational and unexplainable behavior from students. It's a 50/50 with whether students have an excuse for behavior or not, but no matter what, the students who make excuses when they get in trouble always make excuses, while the students who sit silently and challenge authority are consistent in that matter. The weird thing about this scenario is that Luke Ross always has some explanation for his antics, whether they be legitimate or half-assed. Seeing the teen sit there with nothing to say is throwing Principal Baker off guard since this is not normal for the young Ross boy.

Luke finally looks up into his Principals eyes and for the first time, Principal Baker sees Lukes heart that he has reluctantly displayed on his sleeve. He sees the anger boiling deep on the inside, like a kettle of boiling water. He sees the anguish stored closer to the front, threatening to leak out in large salty puddles. He sees guilt buried somewhere in between, followed by sorrow and fear. And somewhere on top of all that, he sees the spirit of a damaged soul that has seen too much, and been through too much in a short period of time.

It's all there. Every emotion Luke has felt ever since he found his brother bleeding out on his bathroom floor. Ever thought, every fear, everything. He feels the need to cry his eyes out until he's numb, but he does his best to hold it together.

Principal Baker softens his hardened demeanor enough in order to try and get words out of the young boy. "Luke, please tell me why you fought Mr. Carter?"

Luke looks away. He takes an interest in his bloody knuckles. Principal Baker won't understand why he did what he did. Nobody would understand. But the longer he sits there playing mute, the worse it would be for Luke.

"I," Luke rasps, taking in a breath to remove the lump in his throat, "I did it f-for Ravi."

"For... Ravi?" Principal Baker does his best to keep his tone neutral as he sits back with confusions written on his eyebrows.

"He…" the lump is making it hard for Luke to form the words, but he can't find the energy to swallow it down. "He used to bully Ravi," Lukes breath shakes as the hot tears form in his eyes, "a lot.

"Evan…, I…, he," Luke is finding it increasingly difficult to create coherent words as his voice trembles, "he said something." A tear rolls down his cheek, but he doesn't wipe it. "Something about Ravi…"

Principal Baker sits forward with concern. "What did he say?" Of course, he already knew what happened to Ravi Ross, and was supposed to meet with him today, but the principal hadn't arrived to the campus until later into the school day, preventing him from meeting with the younger boy.

Luke feels the anger, but at the same time feels the misery as the tears fall. "H-h-he," the stutter occurs because of his inability to breathe properly, "he said t-that Ravi should have died." His voice cracks on the last word and he fits back the sobs, each one coming out like a cross between a hiccup and a pant. His face feels wet, but he's unable to bring his hand to wipe away the tears. "I g-got angry because Ravi, h-he tried…" He can't finish. He can't speak. He can't breathe because the red hot rage is gone and it left behind heartache and grief.

Principal Baker sighs, his hardened demeanor completely fading away. His intentions had initially been filled with anger, but after seeing the broken boy and hearing his side of the story, any hatred he might have felt melted away. "Luke I understand what you're going through, and I am aware that this is a hard time for your family, but there are better ways to deal with a bully without using violence."

No. Luke shakes his head. "N-no you don't understand…" but he can't say anymore because speaking suddenly exhausts him. He's heard that line countless times, but it has done nothing to help Ravi when he needed it the most.

For the first time in his career, Principal Baker found himself at a loss for words. "You know what?" Luke peers at him through watery eyes. "Why don't you, uhh, wait outside while I figure this out and get in contact with a guardian." Luke nods and trudges out the door.

The principal lets out the loudest breath. Being a principal, he has had to put up with some heavy things in regard to the students. But suicide attempts are a whole different level. Of course, he has done the required trainings to prepare himself for an event like this. He knows the course of action that should be taken with the students and families. And he also knows that a situation like this could have unpredictable outcomes. And a student lashing out at another student is what Baker sees as unpredictable.

What is he to do when the circumstances are as complex with this one?

He rubs his hands over his faces, then through his hair. He can basically feel the balding occurring due to the massive amount of stress.

He shakes his head. He isn't going to falter and fold under pressure. He is going to do exactly what his many years of experience has trained him to do.

But first, he makes a phone call.

* * *

It didn't take long for Ravi, Emma, and Zuri to arrive at their building after school. The Manhattan traffic is relatively light today, and the car ride seemed shorter as Zuri and Emma engaged Ravi in a discussion about his day and the highlights of it. Even though there were no highlights, the sisters seemed happy to hear about the day Ravi had at school, and this reaction gave him a joyous feeling inside.

The first thing (first person rather) they see when they enter the lobby is Tony, seeming happy as always with the epaulettes he's so proud of. His face seems to light up even more upon the site of the Ross siblings. "Hey look! It's my favorite family!" He beams.

Emma and Zuri chuckle while Ravi gives a small and short smile. "Hey Tony." Emma says as they make their way towards the elevator.

Tony's expression changes slightly as his eyes fall upon Ravi who clutches his left arm close to his chest, something he's inadvertently been doing all day. The light in his eyes is replaced with pity and empathy for all but a second before they regain the joy they had before. It's a miniscule change but Ravi sees it as it crosses Tony's face.

Tony doesn't know what to say, or if he should be saying anything to the younger teen. Everything that he comes up with in his mind just does not sound right or feels offensive, and the last thing he wants to do is offend the vulnerable boy. And the last thing he wants to do is not acknowledge him too.

He was there the night it all went down. It was a rather slow night that night, and on slow nights Tony liked to binge-watch some of his favorite shows, as long as his boss wasn't in the vicinity. That night he chose _Prison Break_. He was just getting into the episode he was watching when he heard the sirens coming close. At first he ignored it, figuring it was meant to go somewhere else in the city, but he reluctantly paused the show and looked towards the door when the ambulance stopped in front of the building, flashing red and blue around the vacant lobby. Concern rose in him as the paramedics rushed out of the truck with a gurney and other medical tools that Tony couldn't put a name to. Tony barely remembers asking them where they were going but remembers hearing the words "penthouse" among the chaos. It made Tony's blood run cold in fear of what happened to the Ross family, in fear of something happening to Jessie. The paramedics disappeared through the elevator doors and Tony watched as the little indicator above the elevator dinged on _PH_ for penthouse. He used the intercom to communicate with the penthouse, letting the inhabitants know that medical help was headed to their floor. He didn't receive a response.

Somewhere between two to five minutes (or maybe longer) later, the elevator began to descend back down to the lobby. Tony watched as the indicator went from _PH_ all the way down 40 floors to _Lobby_. Tony held his breath when he heard the ding, praying that the person who was hurt wasn't Jessie (even though he hoped nobody was hurt). As the doors opened, Tony was able to make out a head full of red hair standing next to the paramedics with concern laced across her face. He was relieved for only a second until he made out the raven hair and brown skin of the boy who was strapped to the gurney.

Ravi?

The boy was lying unconsciously on the gurney. He looked pale and limp, which said a lot since he naturally has a darker complexion. But what really drew Tony's attention was the way his left arm had been wrapped and bandaged, and how blood seeped through the fabric like it was simply toilet paper. What drew his attention was the worried and stressed look on Jessie's face as she hurried after him. What drew his attention was the way Emma and Zuri held onto Luke and supported him as he sobbed, basically dragging him behind the gurney. He looked broken and ready to collapse into a heap on the floor. But Emma and Zuri who also had tear streaked faces, dragged him along.

Tony knows he's not the brightest crayon in the box. He's always been pretty slow and it's never bothered him. But for the first time, he was sharp enough to put two and two together.

Tony nearly jumped over the front desk as the family hurried out the front door and into the ambulance. Tony called out for Jessie but received no response seeing with what she was dealing with. He wasn't even sure what he would have told her anyway. Maybe he would have tried to help in someway.

In reality, he knew nothing he did would help.

Tony hasn't seen Ravi since that night. The day after that when Jessie, Emma, and Zuri came home from the hospital to shower and such, Tony approached Jessie instantly, showering her with questions and words of sympathy. She answered most of them, informing him that Ravi underwent a blood transfusion and that he would be alright. He woke up before they left and they were overwhelmingly grateful that he was found before anything worse happened. Tony didn't push her to answer any more questions and allowed the ladies to go to their apartment in piece. He wasn't working the day Ravi returned from the hospital, nor was he present when the kids went to school this morning.

Tony is flabbergasted seeing Ravi up and moving as if he wasn't knocking on deaths door recently. But he does his best to not let it show and greets Ravi with the most neutral thing he can think of. "Hey Ravi. How's it going?"

Ravi doesn't really meet Tony's eyes as he visibly struggles to find the right way to answer Tony's question. He looks uncomfortable and awkward and starts to stutter when Tony realizes his mistake.

 _How do you think it's going you idiot? The kid tried to kill himself!_

Tony mentally face palms himself as he tries to fix his mistake. "Uh, I didn't mean it like that! I mean, I did but, uhh, not in the same way you would ask anyone else. What a dumb question to ask but we all know I'm not the smartest cookie heh." He nervously laughs as he rambles.

Ravi cuts him off with a wave of his hand. "Tony it's okay."

"No but I—"

"Seriously," Ravi cuts him off before he can stick his foot further in his mouth, "it's fine. Don't worry about it." The elevator opens just then and the three siblings step inside before Tony has a chance to respond. He watches as the door shuts and the elevator shoots up to the penthouse, dinging once it reaches the floor.

Tony sighs and let's his head fall back. He _really_ needs to work on his social queues.

* * *

Luke's vision continues to blur as he sits and waits outside of Principal Bakers room. The hot red anger he was feeling before has dissipated, leaving him feeling exhausted. He closes his eyes, squeezing out the final few tears left behind, and takes deep breaths to stop himself from shaking.

He had just been in his first fist fight. He's never fought anyone before, not physically anyway. It's not his style. He likes playing pranks, getting people to laugh (or getting on their nerves), and seeing the veins pop out on his principals neck. Never did he physically hurt anyone. He's never liked the idea of physical abuse, and his always been in favor of the notion that putting your hands on someone else is not okay. Sure he used to mess with Ravi all the time, but he never purposefully tried to physically hurt the other boy.

And yet he had no problem causing pain to Evan Carter.

Of course he kind of blacked out when he started to attack Carter. Not blacked out enough for him to forget what happened, but enough for anger to be in control of his actions. But it's been maybe half an hour or more since the event happened, and he's had yet to feel guilty about it. There is not one ounce of him that feels sorry for the way he pummeled Evan and to be completely honest, he would do it again if he had to.

It scares Luke to think like this. Violence has never been his thing, and he'd much rather defuse a fight than start it. But the cocky look on Evans face, and the way he mocked Ravi with so much malice made Luke feel something he's never felt before.

Luke really shouldn't feel guilty anyway. The bully got what he deserved. He's tortured Ravi countless times without remorse. He _wanted_ Ravi to die, much rather preferring the absence of the boy than having to see him. Luke could _never_ allow someone who said those kinds of things about Ravi walk away scott free.

He takes a minute to examine at the bruised knuckles on his right hand. He's punched things before. Walls, doors, punching bags, lockers, tables. Never has he done so much damage that his knuckles became bruised and bloody. He's not even sure the blood on them are his to be honest. He passes a finger along his knuckles, the pain there but tolerable. His hand feels sore though. He removes the bag of ice from his eye and applies it to his hand, but instantly regrets it as the throbbing on the right side of his head worsens.

 _At least I'm not in Carters positions,_ he thinks to himself as he puts the ice bag on his eye again.

It suddenly occurs to him the amount of damage he actually did to Evan Carter. He was able to get a good look at him through his tunnel vision and could see the immense amounts of bleeding and swelling that had already started. His eye had already swollen shut, and black and purple bruises danced around his face in various spots. Blood was leaking from a cut on his lip, and he was also spitting out blood coming from his mouth. Luke would've done more had he not been stopped.

On the other hand, it's a good thing he was stopped. He's already in enough trouble for the damage he did and would probably get expelled. Who knows how much more trouble he would get in for doing worse damage to the basketball player?

Luke jolts out of his deep train of thought when he hears the final bell of the day ring, signaling the end of the school day. A panic starts in him. He's supposed to meet Ravi outside of his class like he's done all day. He's supposed to accompany him to his locker, and meet Emma and Zuri so they can go home. They probably don't know that he's in the principal's office. Well, maybe they do know since gossip spreads quick in this school.

Luke sighs as he slouches further in the seat. Ravi has probably already heard of the fight and is probably disappointed in Lukes behavior. He can practically hear the Indian boy scolding him for entertaining violence. _Violence is never the answer Luke_ , Ravi would say in his 'disappointed parent' voice. Luke chuckles at the thought and winces when it causes his headache to jolt like a jackhammer.

Luke hears the clicking of heels against the hardwood floor. He doesn't have to look up to know who it is, and what they're here for. "I know, I know," he mumbles, keeping his eyes trained on his shoes. "I'm grounded for life."

"Oh that seems kind of mild, don't you think?" Jessie makes her way over to the chair next to Luke and sits. "Maybe a few more life times will suffice."

Luke sits up straighter and turns to look at Jessie, his eye mostly covered by the ice. "I thought Mom would be coming here."

"She stayed home so she could take Ravi to his therapy session." When Christina first answered the phone and heard Principal Bakers voice, the way the blood drained from her face was alarming. She had been in a stressed frenzy since she came back, bussing around like an overactive bee. You can tell how much the past events have effected her, and caused her to become more uptight and anxious. She looked just about ready to pass out when the Principal told her about Luke's fight, so Jessie took it upon herself to go to the school while she deal with Ravi's therapy session.

Christina was ready to cry with relief, but ultimately kept it together.

Jessie takes a hold of Luke's wrist and slowly pulls it away from his face to get a better look at the bruising. She cringes at the sight of the ugly purple and red bruising around Luke's eye, and the slight swelling that has developed. It's not the worst bruise she's ever seen, but it's still pretty freaking ugly.

"How bad is it?" Luke's voice is barely above a whisper, but it's loud enough for her to hear.

She twists her lips as she thinks about it. "Pretty terrible but you'll survive." Luke's eyes quickly become downturned, but Jessie was still able to see the pain and angst in them. The same pain and angst he's been caring for over a week now. She wants to stay upset with him for fighting, but she can't. He's had a lot happen to him over the past week. She knows Luke well enough to know that he would pull something like this without an explanation.

"Luke why did you do it?" Jessie softly pushes his arm back to his eye. "Why did you beat up that kid?"

Luke runs a hand through his messy hair with nerves. He feels embarrassed having to retell the details to Jessie. He's embarrassed knowing he did them. But Jessie will find out anyway so it's better for her to hear it from him. "He was saying some stuff about Ravi." That's all he manages to get out without choking up.

"Stuff like what?" Jessie can see his discomfort, but ultimately wants him to open up. Keeping everything bottled in will only cause more outburst like fighting. She wants him to open up about what he's feeling, and understand that he's not alone.

Luke bites his trembling lip. He thought he was done crying, but obviously not as his eyes begin to water. He hates thinking about it, the mere idea pulling his heart in different directions. "He said that Ravi should have died…"

And suddenly, Jessie understands.

Jessie wraps her arm around his shoulder and pulls him closer to her. Luke processed to silently sob into her should as she rubs soothing circles into his arm.

"I get it," she says into his hair. He sniffles a few times, but she knows he's listening. "You're upset because of what Ravi's been through and what it's lead to. You feel protective of him because you don't want it to happen again." She tilts his chin upwards so he can look at her. For a second, Jessie doesn't see a 16 year-old anymore. She sees the 11 year-old little boy with huge eyes and a face full of freckles. "But you can't attack everyone who says something awful about him. Ravi wouldn't want that and you know that." She wipes away a tear. "There are other ways to deal with people who say things like that, but none of them include violence."

"I know." Luke sniffles as his sits up. Jessie squeezes his shoulder as he speaks. "But I just think it's so unfair." Jessie looks at him confused. "I mean, he goes around bullying and tormenting people all the time and never gets in trouble. But the minute I do something about it, I get sent to the Principals office."

Jessie blinks. "Luke you destroyed his face." She's not totally understanding where he's coming from, or what he's hinting at.

He nods. "Yeah I know. But what I mean is, I wish he would take responsibility for how much he's bullied Ravi, and everyone else here." He thinks about this for a second, letting that thought ponder in his head. "I wish there was a way for everyone who made fun of Ravi to repay for what they did to him, and how they made him feel." Luke knows for a fact that nobody has come out to Ravi and apologized to him, nor has anyone fessed up about their involvement in his torture. The roam the halls freely, while Ravi has to deal with demons day in and day out.

It's complete shit to be honest.

Jessie has similar thoughts on this. She's pretty sure the school has not done much of anything to put a stop to the bullying going around the school. She's pretty sure they're not involved in the slightest. "You know what Luke? You're right."

The door to Principal Bakers office opens before Luke can reply. Both him and Jessie turn to look at the man you needs some serious meditation or tea or something to relax. Jessie stands quickly to greet him, and the two are ushered into his office.

Luke retakes the seat he had before and Jessie sits beside him. Principal Baker sits in his chair with an _oomph_ , causing his suit to ruffle up a bit. He straightens it out before he speaks. "Ms. Prescott, you understand why I called you in today correct?"

Jessie nods. "Yes I am aware there was an altercation between Luke and another student."

Baker grunts as he flips through the file on his table. "An 'altercation' is too kind of a way to put it. Mr. Ross caused great damage to Mr. Carter, and disrupted the student body. And from my understanding, he's the one who through the first punch."

Both Principal Baker and Jessie turn to Luke, who nods in confirmation.

"Right," Baker continues, "now, we have a very low tolerance policy when it comes to violence and fighting on school property. And although it seems Mr. Ross was provoked, he still engaged in physical violence which is against school rules and violates the hand book." Baker folds his hands on his desk. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to suspend you Luke."

Luke closes eyes his and sucks in a breath. He expected that. It's no surprise to him that his punishment would be suspension. He opens his eyes and nods in understandment.

"One week suspension starting tomorrow, and two weeks detention." Baker finalizes, writing a few things in a file. "That's the standard punishment for a misdemeanor like this, and that is what I have decided to administrate."

"Yes, I completely understand Principal Baker." Jessie replies with her weird _ting_ voice. Luke raises an eyebrow at her change in tone, but immediately knows that somethings about to go down. "I don't appreciate Luke partaking in violence either, and I can assure you that it won't happen again." Baker seems pleased with this response, but by the glint in Jessie's eye, Luke knows that she's getting ready to finesse him.

"Now, what punishment is the other boy receiving?" Jessie asks simply.

Baker is taken aback by the question. "Excuse me?"

"He provoked Luke, correct?" Jessie could see how uncomfortable she was starting to make him, even though it was barely there. "Which means he was saying or doing things that would cause him to lash out, correct?"

Baker clears his throat. "Well, yes. However—"

"And from my understanding, this other boy was purposely saying things about Ravi, Lukes brother. Thinks he knew would get a certain reaction out of Luke." Jessie sounds so nonchalant about the whole thing. It scares Luke but at the same time amazes him. "Does _he_ receive consequences for the things he said, or for bullying Ravi?"

Baker laughs nervously. "Well, you see—"

Jessie leans forward, not finished with him. "I'm sure you know this already, but I think it's best to remind you since the school doesn't seem like the school cares. Ravi tried to commit suicide." She emphasizes the last syllable on 'suicide'. "He slight his arm open and tried to bleed out on his bathroom floor. And why? Because he was fed up with the treatment he's been receiving from the students at this school. He was fed up with being a target for the other students to bully, so fed up that he tried to take his own life and this school has not done a damn thing about it." Jessie doesn't necessarily like using profanity around authoritative figures, but she's furious and can't seem to care. "Every student out there who made Ravi's life hell continues to walk around without repercussion, completely unaware of the damage they've done to Ravi, and that just is not okay."

Principal Baker's mouth hangs agape.

Jessie takes a deep breath before she completely spirals. "I understand that what Luke did is not okay, but for a student to say that Ravi should have died, and for you as a principal to deem it as provoking is beyond me. And if you think for a second that this family is going to sit by after all we've been through because of boy's like 'Mr. Carter' then Principal you have one hell of a storm coming your way."

 _Mic drop._

Jessie is nearly panting when she finishes, feeling like she just threw a 200 pound dumbbell over her head. Principal Baker looks completely shocked, not seeing any of this coming. Luke tries his best to fight off the grin that's creeping onto his face, but it's hard to do when Jessie figuratively mopped the floor with Baker. He looks completely at a loss for words, with no idea how to respond or how to deal with what she said.

Jessie stand up, and Luke follows suit. "Luke will be back in school in a week."

And the two walk out of the room as if walking away from an explosion.

* * *

 _ **Reviews are lovely!**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia**_


	10. Chapter 10: Bond

_**New chapter yayyy!**_

 _ **Before we start, we have a new story posted in the My Babysitter's a Vampire archive. It's titled**_ **1800 273-8255,** _ **and it is very much based on the song by Logic (which I advise everyone watch the music video). If anyone is interested in reading please go check it out (it's rated M so in order to see it you'll have to change the Filter settings. Or you can just go to our profile. Whichever makes you comfortable).**_

 _ **UPDATE! We made a change to some details in the story, and thus we had to make a change in this chapter so it could all make sense. The change is in the beginning and it's sorta important (at least to us). Anyway, proceed.**_

 _ **Anyway, chapter 10!**_

 _ **Disclaimer**_ _ **: We do not own Jessie.**_

* * *

 _Chapter 10: Bond_

Ravi's first therapy session was surprisingly not as horrible as he anticipated. The hour passed faster than expected as well. Dr. Phillips was warm and welcoming, and not stiff and stuffy like Ravi imagined in his head. His office was big, but not too big. It wasn't intimidating, but it was big enough to show people how successful he is in his practice. Ravi felt somewhat comfortable during the session, or at least comfortable enough to disclose to Dr. Phillips some of his internal turmoil. The doctor didn't force him or push him to talk. He allowed Ravi to share at his own pace, however he was comfortable.

Ravi told him about his anxiety/panic attacks, and how prominent they are. He told him how they consume him completely, and the symptoms he gets. Dr. Phillips asked him what he thought was triggering them. Ravi wasn't sure, but he assumed it was stressful situations. But honestly, he couldn't quite name what kept triggering the attacks.

Dr. Phillips gave Ravi a "daily journal" as he called it. Something to write down his thoughts or feelings in if they came up. He had the freedom of writing whatever he wanted in it. He also had the freedom to write nothing in it. It's all up to him what he writes, and if he wants to share what he writes during therapy. Ravi watched as the doctor slid the navy-blue composition notebook over to him. He tried to picture it: writing down his daily thoughts in there like a blonde 16-year-old girl in some teenaged rom-com. It really didn't seem like something he would do.

Yet, he took it anyway.

He was given an appointment to start seeing a psychiatrist for the following week. Something about CBT and testing or whatever (most of the information was giving to Christina. Ravi is just going with the flow to be honest). Dr. Phillips said a few more words to Christina and before Ravi knew it, he was in the limo on his way him.

If he's being honest, it all felt like a blur.

"Yay, you're home!" Jessie enthusiastically greets Ravi and Christina as soon as they walk out of the elevator. She's smiling. Something Ravi hasn't seen her do since… you know. "How was the first session?" The question is directed to Ravi.

He shrugs. "Not entirely terrible." He's still unsure of how to feel about the whole ordeal. Does he like the idea of therapy? No. Even though the session went well, he still felt increasingly awkward upon answering certain questions, especially since he's expected to be vulnerable and talk about everything he's feeling (it's bad enough he has to think about his feelings. Voicing them seems like an unnecessary stress). But he knows that he has to endure it, and that it's possibly supposed to help him get through everything. Plus, it gives his family peace of mind to know he's getting help, or whatever you want to call it. _Whatever it takes,_ he concludes.

Jessie nods. "Great. I'm glad it went well." She wraps an arm around Ravi's shoulders and walks him in the direction of the stairs. "I want to hear all about it, but I need to talk to your mom. Why don't you go upstairs for a while." It isn't really a question. More of a soft command. Ravi nods and heads up to his room.

Once he's gone and out of earshot, Jessie turns to Christina, the once happy expression replaced with a serious one. "We need to have a serious discussion about Luke and what happened at the school today."

Christina reluctantly nods. She almost forgot about the call she received earlier, the one telling her Luke had gotten into some trouble at the school. She cannot even come to describe the extent to her stress, and how overwhelmed she felt upon answering that phone. Her first fear was receiving dreadful news about Ravi again (every time she answers the phone she gets flash backs of that phone call in Berlin. Probably PTSD). Hearing Luke's name instead was both relieving and utterly frightening. Relieving because Ravi was okay and made it through the school day without any serious hitches, and frightening because of the million different scenarios that ran through her mind pertaining to Luke. Christina is honestly not sure how she would be able to handle any of this if Jessie wasn't here. She is remarkably strong, physically and emotionally. She somehow manages to keep a level head despite what's going on. She's been the rock that has been holding everyone together, including Christina. She's broken down several times already, and each time Jessie was the shoulder she cried on. Each time, Jessie allowed her to let out her emotions in thick, ugly tears. And Jessie stayed strong through it all. So, in a way, she was not surprised when Jessie offered to handle Luke's situation at school.

She really needs to pay her more.

The two women sit on the couch. Jessie immediately hands Christina a pink slip of paper which she scans curiously. Her brows furrow at the words she reads, but she eventually gasps when she understands what the slip is telling her. _Luke is suspended?_ She looks to Jessie in alarm. "What is this?! Why did he get suspended?"

Jessie sighs, and for the first time, Christina notices the dark circles under Jessie's eyes that have been poorly covered with cheap, drugstore concealer. "He got into a fight today." Jessie can basically feel Christina's astonishment. "The other boy provoked it, but Luke ultimately throw the first punch."

Christina shakes her head in bewilderment. She reads the pink slip over and over, still trying to make sense of it. "Luke isn't violent. He's not a violent child. Yes, he's done some questionable things in the past, but never has he put his hands on other people."

"That's what I needed to talk to you about." Jessie states, getting Christina to look up. Jessie notices how tired she looks, as if the past few days have aged her significantly. Jessie doesn't blame her. She can barely even sleep at night without images of a dead Ravi plaguing her, so she can only imagine Christina's chaos.

"Luke didn't just get into a fight for the fun of it." Jessie continues. "As I said before, he was provoked. And from what I understand, some kid named Evan Carter was taunting him about Ravi." Christina's heart sinks, and Jessie can see it in her eyes. "And Luke tried to ignore, but…" She takes a deep breath because the next part is hard for her to verbalize without feeling her gut wrench. "He told Luke that it would be better for everyone if Ravi had died." Jessie braces for Christina's reaching.

For one, she looks completely blank, which is probably more frightening than anything. She looks like she's still digesting the information Jessie just gave her. Jessie contemplates saying something to make sure Christina is still coherent, but she suddenly explodes out of her seat, making Jessie jump back.

Christina starts to pace and rant in a heated, haphazard manner. "How dare that ignorant insensitive _brat_ say that about my son?! _My_ Ravi! What kind of school allows students to completely _disrespect_ other kids like that?!" She paces, and goes on to use words Jessie has never heard her use before. Jessie is sure she hears some French in there as well. Finally Jessie jumps up to stop her.

"Christina, Christina!" She abruptly stops once Jessie is suddenly in her path, the anger boiling deep within her core. She is disgusted at the audacity of the students at that school, and she can not _believe_ a person could ever stoop as low as to insult someone who attempted suicide. What kind of heartless _peasant_ …

She continues to fume as Jessie places her hands on her shoulders, attempting to calm her down. And to think that she and Morgan are so generous to Walden Academy in their donations and support. To think that they had been considering funding for a new bigger and better, state of the art gymnasium. _Not from my check book!_

"I swear if that school thinks for a second I'm going to let this fly by without a fight—" Christina stops herself as she feels her face burning hot red. She is more enraged than she's ever been in her life, and she just wants to breathe fire on anyone who has ever hurt her Ravi.

"Christina!" Jessie finally seems to snap her out of her angered trance, and bring her back to the present. Her eyes finally focus on Jessies, which is startling due to the way the screamed _MURDER_. She continues to breathe heavily, the fury still at an all-time high. She does her best to pay attention Jessies next words. "I already started taking care of things."

Christina's anger mixes with confusion, still not focusing fully on Jessie. "W-what?" She breathes. "What are you talking about?"

"I sort of told of Principal Baker for trying to brush off the actions of the other student." Jessie explains, making sure that Christina is paying close attention. "And… I might have also threatened him. But only a little bit!" She quickly adds, seeing that threatening a Principal is not something one wants to see on a resume.

As the seconds pass and Christina clings on to Jessie's every word, her heart rate falls back to a normal human speed, and she slowly calms down enough to have a decent conversation about the matter at hand. Finally, she nods in approval because Jessie did exactly what Christina would have done had she gone to the school instead (except she might have torn open Principal Bakers throat and fed it to him). "Good. I would have down the same thing."

Jessie breathes out a laugh. The two finally sit down again, before Christina shakes her head, finally understanding everything. "You really threatened him?" She asks, more curious than anything.

" _Well,_ " Jessie's voice rises several octaves nervously, "I told him that we're not going to sit around and do nothing during circumstances like this." She explains. "And I said he has one hell of a storm coming his way."

All Christina can do is laugh at Jessies definition of a threat. "Oh Jessie, that's hardly even a threat." She has said and heard far worse in the past. But she still applauds the red head for standing her guard and sticking up for the Ross family.

Jessie doesn't find anything amusing but chuckles along with her nonetheless. "But I really think we need to do something Christina." She turns the conversation back to a serious note, and Christina follows. "There needs to be some sort of consequence for the students who bullied Ravi. It really irks me that the school does nothing about it, and something desperately needs to be done."

"You mean, legally?" Christina questions uncertainly, unsure if she wants the added stress of a lawsuit, even if she's the plaintiff.

"If that's what it takes." Jessie sighs.

* * *

Luke has successfully spent the last hour or so hiding away from everyone; his sisters, Jessie, Bertram, everyone else in the world. He's hidden in the dark confines of his room, a new bag of ice resting against his bruised eye, praying for the throbbing to stop. He's acquired a decent sized headache due to the injury, and the Advil he took has yet to help. The only thing making the pain less prominent is the absence of light and sound in his room. And the ointment Jessie put on the black and blue blemish.

He's spent his time staring at the ceiling fan, his gaze firmly fixated on it's slow oscillation. He's disappointed in himself for losing control like that. The anger he felt because of Carters words is something he's never experienced before. Luke is generally a happy person, preferring to smile and laugh rather than be angry all the time. It's in his character. Everyone knows it. He's more so surprised that he's even capable of anger like that. Of course, he's human so he's been upset before, but never to the point where he blacks out. He's never full on attacked someone to the point where he almost breaks his hand.

He examines his right knuckles which have been cleaned and bandaged. He's gotta say, for someone as small as him, he's got a hell of a lot of force behind his punch. It shocks Luke. He's not one to work out or anything like that. He maybe does some push-ups here and there, and sit-ups to keep his body lean, but nothing over the top. He didn't realize how strong he really was until he saw Carters face after the pummeling.

Not to seem narcissistic, but Luke's impressed with himself.

As if on cue, he felt a _pang_ in his head, his headache suddenly worsening. He winces at the pain and groans in exasperation. _Right_ , he's supposed to work on not being conceited. And his headache just reminded him of that.

And now he's back to brooding.

Why is he celebrating? So what if he has an impressive right hook? He's suspended for a week! In all honesty, Luke has been trying his hardest to stay out of trouble so he can avoid excess detentions, suspensions, and possible expulsion. It might seem farfetched, but Luke doesn't want to spend his whole life in high school. He has goals and dreams he plans on reaching too! He wants to go to college (even if his grades tell him otherwise). He wants to pursue a career in the professional dance world and one day become a choreography. He wants to have an amazing future, and he can't have that if he spends all his time getting in to trouble in school. He wants to graduate and prove to himself that he's worth it.

He needs to prove to himself that he's worth it, even if his birth mother didn't believe so.

Luke's train of thought is interrupted by the knock at his door. He chooses to ignore it. He doesn't feel like having another talk with Jessie, nor does the idea of recounting the day's events to Emma and Zuri sound appealing. He doesn't move from his position on his bed, but the second round of knocks causes him to growl in annoyance before finally getting off his bed. He flings his door open, ready to tell whoever the intruder is to get lost.

But he sees Ravi standing in front of him, and his whole demeanor softens.

"H-hey Ravi." He stutters in the most anxious and awkward way.

Ravi responds with a small smile. "Can I come in?"

Luke opens the door wider for the smaller boy to enter his room. Ravi flicks on the light, making Luke squint a bit so his eyes can adjust to the light. Luke closes the door behind him, shutting out the rest of the world (i.e. the rest of his apartment). "I didn't hear you and mom come home."

"We just came." Ravi sits on Luke's bed, making himself comfortable. "She's talking to Jessie about something right about now." Luke knows exactly what Jessie is talking to his mom about. He also knows exactly why Ravi is in his room. And it's not because Luke's room is pretty.

Luke does his best to keep the conversation far away from the fight he had. "How, uh, how was the therapy session?" He asks in hope the Ravi takes the bait. He presses the ice against his eye harder attempting to conceal his eye.

Ravi doesn't take the bait. "You do know why I'm in here, right?" He crosses his arm and raises an eyebrow.

Welp, there's no way around it now.

Luke rubs the back of his neck in defeat. "Yeah. Yeah I know why." He mumbles sheepishly.

Ravi gets up and walks toward Luke who's been standing the whole time. "Let me see." He nods his head towards Luke's eye. It's not a question.

Luke suddenly feels anxious. Something about showing Ravi his black eye makes a pit grow in his stomach. He knows exactly how Ravi is going to react, and he's not looking forward to the disappointment Ravi is going to have in him. Of all the things Ravi has had to go through, the last thing he needs is to feel disappointed in his brother.

"Um, I really don't think you want to." Luke pleads, wishing that Ravi will change his mind and decide he doesn't care about the fight or Luke's eye anymore.

No such luck.

Without hesitation, Ravi grabs Luke's left wrist and lowers his hand from his eye, taking the ice with it. Luke doesn't resist. There's no use anyway. Ravi's going to want an explanation, and he deserves one.

Ravi's eyes grow wide in shock and he gasps once he sees the ugly bruise that now takes over Luke's eye. It's a mix of colors: black, blue, red, and purple. His eyelid is swollen, and Ravi can see a small cut mixed in the bruising that seems to be in the process of healing. Over all, it looks bad, and Ravi can only imagine what Luke's knuckles look like underneath the bandages.

"Jesus _Christ_ Luke!" Luke can hear the alarm in Ravi's voice, and flinches in shame. "What the hell?! How did this happened?!"

"I-It's not as bad as it looks!" Luke quickly tries to explain, tries to make Ravi less concerned. Ravi scuffs at that. His face screams _that's complete bullshit_. "I took some Advil and Jessie put some 'thing' on it. Bengay I think. And now, y'know, I can barely feel it!" He's lying throw his teeth.

Ravi's upcoming rant is paused when he finally gets to see the look in Luke's eyes. He wills himself to relax. It didn't occur to him how Luke might feel after the fight; he just assumed that Luke was getting into trouble for doing stupid things like he normally does. But the way Luke's dark orbs resemble shame and misery, Ravi starts to reevaluate his whole approach to this.

His tone is now gentler when he speaks. "Luke, please tell me what happened."

Luke places the ice bag on his dresser (it really wasn't helping anyway) and trudges over to his bed where he flops onto his previous spot with an _oomph_. "It's a long story bro…"

Ravi sits next to him. "I'm listening." His persistence annoys Luke, but he can't blame the 15-year-old for caring.

Luke exhales heavily as he sits up. He's not going to enjoy explaining this, especially since living it wasn't great. "Evan Carter was just being annoying." Luke notices Ravi's slight flinch at the name, but continues. "He started saying a bunch of crap and, I don't know. I kind of just lost it."

Ravi all too well knows of Evan Carter. Evan Carter is one of those guys with a notorious reputation of sleeping with multiple girls, bullying other innocent, weaker souls, always getting his way, and being a complete meathead. Ravi especially knows him for his bullying and torment. He used to spend his school days afraid of running into Carter, afraid of what he'll do or say to humiliate him. And without a doubt, every time they crossed paths in the halls, Carter didn't hesitate to say something cruel, or put his hands' on Ravi. He left school with a bruised abdomen on one too many occasions, and he can only imagine the pain Luke's in.

"Well, what kind of crap did he say?" Ravi's curiosity got the best of him, even though he is completely dreading the answer.

"Trust me," Luke shakes his head and looks at Ravi, "you don't want to know."

"Luke whatever it is he said, you can tell me." Ravi pleads. "Whatever it is, I can handle it."

Luke opens and closes his month, trying to decide on what to say and how to say it. How is he supposed to tell his brother what Carter said? The same brother who was almost dead a little over a week ago. How was he supposed to repeat Carters words? _It's better for everyone if the little shit would have just died anyway…_

"He… was just saying some stuff about you." Luke says hoping Ravi will be satisfied with the very vague answer. He can tell by the look on his face that he's not, and Luke dreads having to recite the words again. He can already feel the golf ball sized lump forming in his throat. "He, he told me that—" he has to pause to clear his throat when his voice cracks. "He said that it would be better for everyone… it would be better for everyone if you had died." Luke squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head away so Ravi doesn't see the tears rolling down his cheeks.

 _Oh…_

Ravi feels a pang at his heart. He's heard a truck load of harsh things about himself, and they've all did their damage. But _this_ was probably the worst of them all.

People have told him that he should die before. Nothing new really. They've suggested he jump of a bridge, swallow some pills, throw himself in front of oncoming traffic, etc. He's heard all the unpleasant, graphic scenarios. But the fact that Evan Carter can make a mockery out of suicide, no matter the person, is despicable and sickening.

And yet, surprisingly, the comment has no effect on him. It hurts to know someone would say something like that, but the comment doesn't seem to feed the seemingly infinite darkness Ravi has been attached to. It doesn't make him feel anything but sorry. Sorry for Luke who didn't deserve to go through that. Sorry for Evan who obviously has some inner issues to work out if he's low enough to say something like that. Just sorry in general. He supposes he's heard it so many times that it simply sounds like wind to him, or maybe he's learned to ignore it. No, it can't be that simple. It doesn't matter. Nevertheless, he's less concerned about Carters words, and more concerned about his intentions, and what it made Luke do.

The last time Luke stood up for Ravi was when he first started American school when he was around 10 years old, and Ravi was getting bullied by Finch. Ravi was grateful for his brother's chivalry at the time, but it hasn't happened since then. This time around, Luke put his hands on the bully, most likely shutting him up for good.

It warms his heart that Luke cares so much, but at the same time, he cannot condone violence despite the reasoning behind it.

"Luke," Ravi starts after a moment, "I appreciate you sticking up for me, and I'm glad you gave Evan Carter what he deserves." He stops when he hears Luke sniff. "But you don't have to beat up everyone who has something mean to say about me. It's going to happen, and it probably won't stop. But all I really want is to know that my siblings are there for me when it does."

"But it's just…" Luke finally faces forward. Ravi can see the tear streaks on his face, but doesn't comment on it. "It's unfair that bastards like Carter can say things like that about you, and he doesn't get shit for it!" The shakiness in his voice is very present, but he finds a way to speak around it.

"He gets to say and do what he wants without ever getting in trouble, and ever facing the consequences, and I'm just sick of it." Luke feels his anger growing the more he thinks about it.

Ravi understands where Luke is coming from. He's already been down that road, wanting desperately for his bullies to be brought to justice. He's wished for so long that someone would catch a bully in the act, or someone would be kind enough to speak up and do something. It's never happened and Ravi has been forced to suffer because of it.

Until now when his brother all but willingly pummeled the bully, giving him a taste of his own medicine.

In a way justice _was_ serviced he supposes.

"You know," Ravi starts with a lightness in his voice, "he _did_ get to face the consequences." Luke looks at him questioningly. "Today. When you beat him up. Showed him what it feels like. Those are consequences too."

Luke smiles at his lap as he plays with the bandage on his knuckles. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right. He got what was coming for him." He finally dries his tears before looking up at Ravi. "You think this," he points at his eye, "is bad? You showed see Carters face. He's pretty much unrecognizable."

Ravi lets out a small laugh at the idea of someone messing up Carters face. "I guess you got him good, huh?" They sit in a comfortable silence for a few seconds, enjoying the lightness in the mood. Finally, Ravi puts a hand on Luke's shoulder, drawing his attention. "You're a good brother, you know?" Luke's face falls slightly in doubt of that. The compliment falls short on his ears because all he can think about is that day when everything went to hell. He still considers himself _far_ from a goof brother, and hearing Ravi say that really does nothing to change his opinion on that.

Ravi already knows what Luke is think about as soon as his expression changes. He squeezes the freckled boys shoulder in comfort. "Despite everything that happened, _I_ still think you're a good brother." Luke turns his head but won't meet Ravi's eye. His indignity won't allow him to. "And I appreciate everything. But _please_ , no more fights. No more fighting people just because they say something about me. That's all I really want."

Luke nods. He definitely was not thinking straight earlier, and was not thinking of what Ravi wants when he let his temper get the best of him. He owes it to Ravi to at least try to stay calm. "Okay. No more fighting."

Ravi smiles an actual, genuine smile. It's still small, but hey, it's genuine. "Thank you." He wraps his arm around Luke's shoulder in a one-armed hug and Luke leans in, resting his head on Ravi's shoulder. It seems backwards. With all that Ravi has gone through, it should be the other way around. Luke should be the one embracing Ravi. Nonetheless, it's comforting and relaxing to know that after everything, Ravi is still a shoulder he can cry on, and vice versa. They rarely ever spent 'bro time' like this (Luke was never will to in the past), but is grateful for this moment they have together. It makes him feel closer to Ravi, more like a brother to him. He feels like they're finally bonding in a positive way. Maybe everything that happened will bring Luke and Ravi closer, and make their relationship stronger.

Maybe.

They enjoy the closeness and comfort for a while. It's not weird or awkward. Would they mention this moment to anyone? Probably not. But still. It's nice.

"Did you really want to know how my therapy session went?" Ravi breaks the silence, suddenly remembering the question Luke initially asked.

"Honestly no." Luke retorts without missing a beat.

"Good, because I wasn't going to tell you."

Luke laughs as he sits up, and Ravi laughs along with him. They stay in Luke's room for another hour or so, talking and laughing and just being two normal teenagers for once. Two normal teenagers who didn't experience the most traumatizing thing only a week ago. Ravi is able to forget about the dark room, and the panic he keeps feeling. Luke is able to forget about how quickly his world came crashing down around him. And once Ravi finally lives (homework is still a priority), they both feel a bit stronger and secure with each other.

 _Maybe_ …

* * *

 _ **We didn't reread the last part because laziness is a thing.**_

 _ **Before anyone asks THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE AN INCEST STORY! RAVI AND LUKE WILL NOT BE A PAIRING BECAUSE NO! THEY ARE JUST 2 BROTHERS WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT AND ARE IN NEED OF A BETTER RELATIONSHIP!**_

 _ **Anyway…**_

 _ **Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews. They are real motivators when it comes to writing this story. It wasn't supposed to end here, but we feel this is a decent place to end. We promise things will start picking up after here, and we're super excited to continue this story and show you guys exactly what we have in store.**_

 _ **Thank you guys so much for reading. Remember if you're interested in MBAV we have a story up and we would love for you all to read it.**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia**_


	11. Chapter 11: Group

_**Alright let's cut to the chase. It's 3 am, I'm tired and sleep deprived, this chapter is way longer than anticipated, and there's probably mistakes galore but I'm too tired to read it over.**_

 _ **BTW, we made a change to chapter 10 towards the beginning. So if you want to reread that part then you know it's cool…**_

 _ **(Read our story 1800 273-8255 in the My Babysitter's a Vampire section!)**_

 _ **Disclaimer**_ _ **: We do not own Jessie.**_

 _ **WARNING! MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS**_

* * *

 _Chapter 11: Group  
_

The next few days went by both quickly and uneventfully, at least on Ravi's part. The days started out at the breakfast table with his whole family, including Christina and Morgan (a very rare sight). Ravi would pick at his eggs or toast or whatever Bertram made while his family talked and moved about as they got ready for the day. Most mornings he wasn't very hunger though. In fact, his appetite in general wasn't necessarily there and his stomach usually churned at the thought of food. But he made himself eat whatever was on his plate to avoid his family from worrying. He's already put them through enough stress to last them for the rest of their lives. He doesn't want them thinking he has an eating disorder too, which he's 90% sure he doesn't have.

He's also tried his best to engage in their morning conversations, but has found it much easier to silently listen and smile when necessary. Much less tiring too.

Luke didn't come to school due to his suspension. Instead, he was being forced to complete random chores Jessie made him do, and run a bunch of errands that seemed pretty unnecessary and insanely annoying. But, he's grounded and has no choice but to oblige if he wants to get out of his sentencing. Plus, without school to go to, what the hell was he supposed to do all day? He would probably drive Jessie crazy.

He felt extremely bad about being suspended, especially since he wanted to be there for Ravi throughout the day just in case something went down. He'd made a promise that he would have Ravi's back and he was already failing at keeping that promise. However, Ravi insisted that he would be fine, and that Emma and Zuri would be there if necessary. And even if they're not available, he would be able to get through the school day without any escorts. It's a little unnerving, but he would handle it. He felt like he was saying it more so to convince himself rather than Luke, but his words got Luke to feel more confident about Ravi being in school without him.

Evan Carter didn't attend school after the fight. Apparently, he got suspended as well after eye witnesses confirmed Luke's side of the story. Ravi could practically see Luke jump for joy when he texted the freckle-faced boy the good news. Principal Baker ended up suspending Carter for a week just like Luke, and rumor has it that he needs to do a written and verbal apology to both Luke and Ravi. But that's only a rumor. Not factual.

And let's not forget to mention how Carter's suspension is going to affect the basketball team. Carter is one of the most valued players on the team. He's played in every game since he joined the team, and he's won almost every game. And he has also been benched from playing in any games until further notice.

Ravi doesn't necessarily care about sports, so the decision doesn't affect him. However, it is clear that the rest of the school doesn't share his indifference. Carter's suspension from school _and_ the games has been the talk on everyone's lips. Everywhere Ravi would turn, someone new is gossiping about Carter being suspended and benched, and how the basketball team has no more chance of winning games, and blah blah blah. It's all things Ravi doesn't care enough to listen to. At least they're no longer talking about him.

To Ravi's relief, he's become less of a spectacle at school (probably has a lot to do with the low attention span of the students). The days after his first day back were met with much less attention from others, and much less people gawking at him as if they've never seen him before. People still stared, but they found it in themselves to look away and mind their own business. This made Ravi feel significantly better about being in school. The constant staring and whispering that followed his presence was very uncomfortable, and Ravi would much rather prefer to be in school without feeling like the newest attraction at a circus.

He'd never been so happy for people to ignore him and find something else to talk about in his life. But who could blame him though? The student body seemed so blissfully unaware of Ravi's discomfort as they ogled over him, completely unconcerned with the fact that maybe, just maybe, Ravi didn't want all the attention.

The attacks kept happening to Ravi at various times throughout the day. Ravi has been doing his best to keep track of them, see how long they last, and what triggers them. All things Dr. Phillips asked him to do. But he swears they're all random. Sometimes he'll get one during a stressful situation, and sometimes he'll get one in the middle of class for no reason. The worst of them all is probably when they wake him up from a dreamless sleep, making it difficult to fall back asleep afterwards. He hasn't figured out why they happen, but he's become accustom to the signs so he can prepare himself for it.

The scary part about it is he thinks he's getting used to it the more it happens. He's getting used to the closing of his throat and the body tremors and the dizziness. As if it's becoming a part of him now, almost like a routine. Given, it's only been going on for a few days, but they have begun to feel less and less frightening the more often they come.

Overall, he's gotten better at handling them he believes. Once the quickness of breath and feelings of suffocation start, Ravi would usually rest his head on his desk, close his eyes, and count backwards from 10 while focusing on his breathing. Or if he's in the hallway surrounded by too many people, he would find a bathroom or closet or empty classroom and do what he can in there. The process does its job each time, though he wishes there were a way he could get rid of them completely. The attacks were sometimes exhausting. And very annoying.

Ravi will just have to combat them the best he can.

Finally, it's Friday. The end of the week (yay!). The restless atmosphere is felt all throughout the school as students fidget in their seats with excitement as they await the ring of the final bell. The bell which releases them back into the world, allowing them to be as wild and free as they desire. Some students whisper to their friends (because whatever it is they have to say can't wait until the bell rings). Some students proceed to texting each other as they make after school plans to meet up at Central Park, or are simply posting Snapchats as a way to pass the time. Some have fallen asleep and are unaware of anything going on. Even some teachers have given up on trying to keep the attention of students and have allowed them to use the final ten minutes of class to study, read, or talk as much as they want. Last period on Friday's were always like this as the oncoming weekend called the students, luring them to freedom. It's now only a matter of minutes before the clock hits **3:25** , and _boy_ was time moving slow.

Ravi sits quietly in his last period Geometry class working on the congruence problems in his book. They're really simple. Problems he can do in his sleep. Ravi completes each question quickly and with ease. He seems to be the only one actually working on the problems the teacher assigned for them to do as all the other students pretend to work but actually talk to each other. Well, Ravi _and_ Dana, who once again sits next to him, are the only ones actually doing the work.

Ravi isn't at all excited about the final bell like everyone else. In fact, he's dreading it. He's probably the only person in their school wishing for the school day to keep going so he wouldn't have to leave. Peculiar, right? Ravi's usual relief to the end of the school day (or indifference) is replaced by apprehension. And slight anxiety (not enough for an attack). Most people get to leave school and go have fun with their friends, or even go home to watch television. Or literally do anything else.

Not Ravi though. Because Ravi has to go to group therapy.

And Ravi is not happy about it.

His actually a nervous wreck about it. His nervous have been on edge all day and his attacks are a bit stronger and more prominent than usual. His been shakier, and all he can think about is the people he will be seeing in the group and the reaction they will have to his presence. He's hoping that they won't pay him mind, but with his luck they will start whispering as soon as he walks in the room and they see the thick lump under the sleeve of his hoodie that conceals his bandaged arm. With his luck they will snicker when he speaks, through things at his back, or maybe push him around like a human punching bag. They'll probably see him as the same weird, scrawny Indian boy he's always been known as at Walden Academy, and treat him just as bad. And he'll have no choice but to slide right back into the dark room, right back into the hallow dimensions of his subconscious.

The lead in Ravi's pencil breaks when he presses too hard on the paper he's writing on. The sudden action causes him to release the tight grip he didn't know he had around it. He groans as he clicks the top of the red mechanical pencil. Usually more lead would pop out after a couple of clicks. But fifteen clicks later and new lead still hasn't come out.

With a louder groan, Ravi slams the empty pencil on the desk after the sixteenth click. The stupid piece of plastic probably thinks the same thing he is. He's going to look so pathetic when he walks into group therapy, and he's going to make a complete fool of himself. He might as well hide somewhere so he won't have to go. Maybe he can get someone to push him in a locker or something. Or slam his head into a wall.

" _Whoa_ there, Hulk." Dana looks up at Ravi's sudden outburst with a quizzical eyebrow. Ravi almost forgot he was in a class of 20-30 students. "Whatever's going on the pencil is innocent. I swear."

He sighs as he realizes how ridiculous he must have looked slamming the pencil like that. He bashfully takes the pencil in Dana's out stretched hand, muttering a 'thanks' under his breath.

"What's got you all steamed up anyway?" Dana asks as she continues to work out the last problem.

Ravi shakes his head as he continues his work. "It's nothing really." He mumbles. "It's not that serious."

"Then why are you taking out all your anger on poor mister pencil?" She coaxes with a cool smile showing the straightness of her pearly whites.

Ravi can't help but smirk back. Dana has this charisma that just makes you want to smile and laugh with her. It's like the glow that she walks around with rubs off on everyone she meets and makes their day better than before. She has that effect on people. It's called the Dana effect. If she can make Ravi smile through his tough times, she can damn sure do anything.

Ravi has concluded that he is fond of Dana. She's been nice to him for the past couple of days and willingly chose to sit next to him in the classes they have together. She talks to him with ease, and Ravi even finds himself enjoying and engaging in their short conversations. She's even offered to sit with him during lunch, but it's never happened as her lunch periods have been occupied by club meetings, tutoring sessions, or something else that her busy life style requires her to do. If Ravi didn't know any better, he would say she's actually being a friend.

Too bad Ravi still has a lot of guard up.

"Just," Ravi doesn't meet her eyes as he speaks, "some… pent-up teen angst. That's all." Not a whole lie. Not the whole truth either, but not a whole lie.

"Oh. Yeah." Dana nods in understanding. "Hormones and all that."

"Yup, puberty." Ravi mumbles. He feels like he's making the conversation _very_ awkward.

"What are your plans for the weekend?" she asks.

 _Group therapy, brooding, panic attacks, sitting alone in my room because I don't have friends_. "I don't really have any."

"The poetry group I'm in is having a small open mic event Saturday night at Delphine's. You should come. Dinner's free with a Walden Academy ID."

Ravi feels his ears heat up and his heart flutter from the invitation. He's not sure how to handle it since he's never been invited anywhere before. A giddy feeling swells up in him at the gesture because it's the friendliest one he's ever had. But a few things also cross his mind. 1) He's not a poet, and public speaking will give him a panic attack. He already knows it. 2) The poetry group is a school affiliated group, which means students from _this_ school will be there. And he doesn't think he can handle school events yet. 3) He's still socially awkward, and would probably sit there the whole time looking uncomfortable and miserable.

Thus, he must decline.

"Thanks," he starts with a sheepish smile, "but I'm not a poet. And public speaking makes me nauseous…"

"Ravi, you don't _have_ to be a poet to come." Dana says with a smile (how is this girl always smiling and happy?). "And you don't have to participate in the open mic part either. You just have to come, sit, listen, and enjoy. In fact, some of the people who come to our open mics don't even like poetry, and spend the whole night booing us and eating food.

"Plus, it's _free food_. How can you pass that up?" Ravi doesn't mention his diminishing appetite as she speaks. "I'm pretty sure most of the people who come only come for the free food anyway."

An involuntary chuckle escapes Ravi's lips, damn near scaring him.

"Can you at least think about it?" she asks. She's persist, Ravi will give her that. "I promise it's not as horrible as it sounds."

Ravi nods, partially to make her happy, partially because he feels like he doesn't have a choice. "Okay I'll think about it."

That satisfies her enough. Her grin can compete with the Cheshire cat. "Great!"

As soon as she says that, the final bell rings. Most of the students in the class had started packing up their stuff a minute before the bell so once it rang they would be able to get up and go. Which they did. But everyone excitedly and anxiously left the room, ready to start their weekend.

Well, everyone except Ravi, who is reminded of where he has to go now and what he has to do. A large pit suddenly grows in his stomach as every fear and anxious feeling hits him at once. He feels a luminous dread over whelm him, and suddenly he wishes for nothing but to remain glued to the seat and frozen in place forever. The room has almost cleared out and he has yet to budge.

"Activities start at **6:30**." Dana packs up her stuff, not yet noticing Ravi's discomfort. "Dinner's served at 7. You can bring whoever you want, but non-Walden Academy students have to pay for dinner." She stands up and swings her bag on her shoulder. She's about to say something else, but she suddenly becomes aware of the stony look on Ravi's face and the fact that he has yet to move. His eyes are filled with nerves and he looks ready to puke.

"Ravi? Are you okay?" She gently shakes his shoulder which breaks him out of his stupor. He blinks a few times before becoming fully aware of the near emptiness of the classroom and Dana standing next to him with her bag already on. He looks down on his desk and sees that he still has all his stuff out and open. He quickly starts stuffing everything into his bag, trying to ignore the shakiness in his hands.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just spaced out for a minute." His voice is shaky, and he stands up and grabs his bag. His breath catches in the back of his throat and he feels his hands start to clam up. The two walk out of the room, Dana talking about something that Ravi can't focus on because his heart feels like a million zebras stomping on his chest and his airways start to feel constricted. Dana says something along the lines of "see you later" before she runs off to wherever she said she's going. Ravi can't remember what she said because someone turned the heat up and he's sweating bullets and now the walls feel like they're going to crush him. He can feel everyone's eyes on him. He can hear everyone laughing at him as his body goes into overdrive. He can hear their words of hate as they belittle him for not being able to keep it together. For not being someone better than himself. For not dying when he had the chance.

Ravi feels like everything around him is moving in slow motion as he tries to navigate the halls, dodging students as best he can. But his legs feel like dumbbells as he tries to walk, and his head is now spinning and he knows for sure he's going to pass out at any moment.

Through Ravi's blurred and unfocused vision, he spots a door somewhere to his right and before he knows it, his pushing the door open and closing himself inside the small dimly lit room. The sounds of activity in the hallways are now muted and the crowdedness is gone.

At least he'll be able to gain control over his senses peacefully.

He hears wheezing and almost looks around to see where it's coming from, but soon realizes it's him gasping for air as his body tremors seem to get worse. He slides his back down the door until he hits the ground. He hears a million voices in his head saying a million words he's heard over and over and over again.

 _Pathetic._

 _Loser._

 _Shithead._

 _Faggot._

 _Terrorist._

 _Sorry excuse for a human._

 _Better off dead._

 _Better off dead!_

It takes everything in Ravi for him not to bang his head against the door until it splits open. He grabs at his hair and buries his head between his knees. He fights for control over his thoughts, his breathing, and everything else that's gone out of his control. He silently begs and pleads for the voices to shut up. He pleads for them to leave him along. Black dots dance across his already blurred vision and he's sure he's going to die right here in this room.

And then he remembers.

With every ounce of strength he can muster up, Ravi squeezes his eyes shut and focuses everything on his breathing. _10_. He inhales gagged breaths and exhales the same through trembling lips. _9_. His arms shake and he tights his grip on his hair hoping for the room to stop spinning and the walls to stop closing in. _8_. He swears he's suffocating, but he does everything to regulate his breaths. _7_. The body tremors are suddenly slowing down, making it easier to pass air in and out of his lungs. _6_. The voices die down and the temperature in the room seems to be normal again. _5_. His inhales have become calmer, and whatever was gripping his throat has loosened its mighty hold. _4_. The room slowly stops spinning around him. _3_. The walls aren't closing in on him anymore and his heart isn't pounding so fast. _2_. The tremors stop completely and he finally inhales and exhales steady breathes.

 _1_.

Ravi doesn't move. He's afraid of moving. He's afraid moving will cause another attack, and he'll end up being stuck in… wherever it is he's stuck in. He takes in some shaky yet normal breaths to make sure that it doesn't happen again. He can still feel his heart throbbing in his chest and can feel the pulse in his neck beating in unison. His hands are still clammy and his back damp with sweat, but after a while he concludes that it's finally over.

Slowly, Ravi releases his hair from his hands and allows his head to fall back until it hits the door behind him. That one was by far the worst attack he's ever had. Prior to right now, they've all been on the same level, and he's been able to get them under control in a few seconds without people noticing. He doesn't even remember where or how it started. Or what caused it. He doesn't even remember coming into this room.

Ravi's eyes lazily scan the room. The only occupants other than him are a mop, a broom, and a dust pan so he presumes he's in a janitorial closet or something like that. Ravi tries to stand up but he is hit with a wave of exhaustion and dizziness, and the sudden urge to go to sleep. The panic attack took up most of his energy, and he can't bring himself to move. So, he stays there, his head leaning against the door. For how long? Hours maybe. He doesn't know.

He plays with the sleeves of his hoodie, wondering whether he should tell someone about the attacks he keeps getting or not. He thought he was able to handle them, but after what just happened, it's pretty clear that he can't. He can't believe he had one that bad. And it came so suddenly too. As if his body really wanted to shut down completely. What is he to do if this happens again in a more public setting where he can't go somewhere to calm himself?

The sudden vibration of his phone in his pocket draws Ravi's attention. He fishes it out of his pocket and stares at the message from Emma.

 **Emma 3:30**

 _ **where r u? we're waiting at your locker**_

Ravi's main disbelief is at the time. He's only been in the closet for five minutes. He would've guessed a whole hour. He quickly texts Emma back saying that he's on his way. Slowly so his head doesn't start throbbing, he lifts himself off the floor. His feet feel wobbly, but he manages to stand up without falling over. He gets a bit of orthostatic hypotension ( _ **AN: that thing that you get when you stand up and get dizzy**_ ), but it wears off quickly and he proceeds to open the door and walk back out into the hallway.

Ravi's not going to tell Emma and Zuri about what just happened. He's not going to tell anyone, except for maybe Dr. Phillips. He doesn't want to give his family more reasons to worry about him. They already do that enough. He's going to figure out a way to handle them without getting anyone involved.

He can handle it himself. He's sure of it.

* * *

"Hi. We're here for the **4:15** teen group therapy session."

"What's the name?"

"Ravi Ross." Ravi stands a few inches behind Jessie as she talks to the very bored and uninterested looking receptionist at the Eugene E. Crawfman Pediatrics Hospital. He's never been here before. It's not the hospital he was taken to, and he's never been to any other hospital except for that one and a run down one in India.

The hospital is huge, and is supposed to be one of the best children's hospital in New York State. It contains some of the most top rated and highly decorated doctors in America, and its treatment programs are almost always successful. It's also on the expensive side, so it's a good thing Ravi comes from a wealthy family or there would be no way he would be able to afford treatment here.

"Room 40E." The receptionist drawls, not bothering to look up. "Take the elevator down the hall to the fourth floor and follow the signs."

Jessie thanks her and leads Ravi around the circular front desk in the middle of the lobby towards a brightly lit corridor. They pass doctors, nurses, visitors, etc. as they walk, each seeming too busy to notice the nervous wreck of a teenage boy scurrying behind his also nervous but much more composed nanny. They're all caught up in their own little busy world of illnesses, medicine, patients, and probably other personal issues.

For a few seconds, Ravi thinks about what it must feel like to be a doctor of such high degree. Someone other people depended on to cure them of illnesses, trusted to perform surgeries, and relied on to save lives. He wonders what it would feel like to have someone depend on him in the same way. He wonders what it would be like to feel that important, and that special.

There are six elevators at the end of the corridor, each on different floors of the tall hospital building. Jessie presses the one central button and the elevator nearest to the lobby descends until it reaches them in seconds. They enter the elevator and it dings at it closes its doors behind them.

"How are you feeling?" Jessie asks as the elevator makes its ascent.

"Nervous." Ravi replies. "Terrified."

"Kind of like the first day of school, huh?"

Ravi very jerkily nods.

The elevator dings as it reaches the fourth floor. The doors open to reveal bright yellow walls and the same bright, fluorescent lighting as the lobby. Emma would say the place has great lighting for selfies.

They step out of the elevator and start following the signs to room 40E. "I know how scary this must be for you." Jessie starts. Ravi trudges along robotically, the hammering in his chest taking up most of his attention. "But I promise that after the first day, coming here is going to get easier and easier." She wraps an arm around his shoulders and smiles. "You might even start to love it here."

Ravi internally snorts at that. He doesn't see there being any way of him loving group therapy, but he just nods so Jessie believes that everything is okay.

They finally reach a door labeled 40E-F. "Well, this must be it." Jessie pushes the door and Ravi follows her into a short hallway with two doors one directly in front of the other. The walls are the same bright yellow that reminds Ravi of the sun. That's probably the point; paint the walls a color that makes kids happy.

All it really does is give Ravi a headache.

There's a smaller desk in front of one of the doors which Ravi sees is 40E. A young girl (probably in college) sits behind it as she types away on the Dell computer in front of her. She looks up and smiles at Ravi and Jessie, already 20 times nicer than the receptionist in the lobby.

"Hi." She says cheerily as they approach her desk. "Are you here for the **4:15** session?" Cindy, Ravi concludes this is her name judging by her name tag, is too happy to be true. Her smile is wide and reaches her eyes, and her voice has a happy little ring to it. Ravi spots the cup of Starbucks coffee resting on the desk. He wonders how much caffeine is in there that's making her so contagiously jovial.

"Hi, yes." Jessie smiles right back. "Today is his first day."

"Alrighty. What's your name sweetheart?"

Ravi barely even realizes that it's his turn to speak. He more than eagerly let Jessie do the talking for him, but now both Jessie and Cindy are staring at him waiting for his reply and he suddenly feels like a cat has got his tongue.

No, he literally feels like cat claws are stabbing his tongue.

He clears his throat. "R-Ravi Ross." He doesn't say it very loud, but she hears him and starts typing away at her keyboard.

"Alright Ravi you can go right on inside. The session should be starting soon." He doesn't think it's possible, but her smile grows.

He doesn't smile back.

"I'll be back in an hour to pick you up." Jessie says. And to his horror, Ravi realizes that from this point on, he's on his own. Jessie can't accompany him to the group session. She won't be there to answer for him or if he gets nervous or uncomfortable. He's moments away from entering what could very well be the most terrorizing place he's ever been, with nobody he knows and where the chances of him having another attack are very, _very_ high.

Is it getting hot in here or is it just him?

Jessie sees his panicked expression. "Listen. It's going to be okay." She rubs his arm and feels him trembling. "It's only for an hour. You're going to be able to hear the stories of kids with similar experiences to you, and you're going to learn a lot here. And if something happens that makes you uncomfortable, just text me and I'll come get you." She's relieved to feel his body tremors lessen and he nods. She gives him a quick, reassuring hug and before he knows it, Ravi is pushing open the door and is leaving the bright yellow walls, smiling receptionist, and Jessie behind.

The room resembles a classroom, but larger. It is a grayish, white color which is way better than the obnoxious yellow of the hallway. The white curtains around the floor to ceiling windows are pinned to the side, letting the afternoon sunlight illuminate the room. Various posters and signs decorate the walls, both cliché and actually meaningful in their quotes and designs. There's a lectern off to the side and a Smartboard, like an actual classroom. Had this been any other occasion, Ravi would have thought this was a school.

Ravi continues to walk forward, dragging his feet on the light blue carpet. The plastic chairs are arranged in a circle, and almost each one is occupied by someone. He finds a seat next to a red-haired girl talking to a guy next to her. She doesn't stop her conversation when he sits but she glances his way.

Ravi takes a breath as he studies the group of teens around him. A boy, who looks maybe 13 or so, has his head buried in a book, his long sandy hair covering his eyes. The girl sitting next to him laughs with another girl who sports a pixie cut and a hot pink head band. A few seats down is a guy who fits the stereotype for a jock. He looks to be about 17 years old, and he wears a t-shirt that's about three seconds away from ripping because of his muscle mass. He leans back in his seat, arm draped on the empty seat next to and a phone in his hand. Including Ravi, there are 12 people in the group. Overall, the group seems diverse enough, and Ravi feels a bit of his anxiety dissipate.

Once the clock hits **4:15** , the door to the room opens again. Ravi turns to the door to see a very casually dressed man walk in caring a messenger back and some sort of Starbucks drink. His shoulder length hair falls in his face as he sets the cup on a table near the door. "Sorry I'm late." He apologizes as he pushes his hair back. "You would not _believe_ the line at Starbucks."

He's young, probably in his late 20s, about 5'7, and his tan skin tells Ravi that he's possibly Latino. He makes his way to the central chair in the circle, a plastic chair like the rest of them that seems like it's reserved for him. Ravi takes note of his faded jeans, black vans, and red shirt with a lightning bolt symbol for the DC Comics superhero the Flash. He gives a very wide, slightly bucked tooth smile which seems to generate a few smiles back.

"Alright!" He exclaims as he claps, causing Ravi to jump (he's the only one). "Welcome back guys! How was everyone's week?" He's met with less enthusiastic groans and murmurs. "Oh, come on guys. I'm sure something exciting happened to someone this week. Anyone want to share?" His excitement is both infectious and a bit offsetting. Seriously, what is in the coffee that the people in this place drink?

Flash t-shirt looks around the group eagerly, eyes bright as he looks for any volunteers. Finally, pixie cut raises her hand, and he points at her to share. "I got a part time job. I start next Monday."

The group simultaneously starts clapping as she blushes and smiles bashfully. "That's great Monica. You're not going to abandon us because of your busy schedule now, are you?" Pixie cut (Monica) giggles and shakes her head no. "Alright, well that's great to hear. Anyone else?"

"I got recruited by Ohio State." Jock adds in with a smooth, easy drawl.

That seems to get more of a reaction seeing that Ohio State is a great school. " _Whoa_ ," Flash t-shirt's eyes grow wide at the confession. "That's incredible. Full scholarship, right?"

"You know it."

"Now _that's_ what I'm talking about."

Nobody else share's. Flash t-shirt seems content with what was shared because he quickly moves on. "Alright well, let's begin."

And then his eyes land on Ravi. And the hammering in his chest starts up again as everyone else in the room turns their attention to him.

"As you can see," Flash t-shirt begins, "we have someone new today. Every time we have someone new, we do introductions so you can better familiarize yourself with everyone. So why don't you tell us your name, age, and why you're here." He looks at Ravi with kind eyes, as if he can sense the anxiety radiating off him. Ravi wants more than anything to be swallowed by the Earth.

He looks around at the twelve pairs of eyes staring at him waiting for him to start. None of them look intimidating or cruel. Some look bored, but most seem genuinely interested in his story.

Something tells him that he's taking too long to speak so he clears his throat. "Um, I'm R-Ravi." His hands start playing with the sleeves of his hoodie as a way of distracting himself from the way his hands start to tremble. "I'm fifteen…" He is hoping to get away with ending it there but by the look on Flash t-shirt's face, he's not going to be so lucky. "And I'm here… I'm, I'm here because I tried to kill myself…" It's weird to hear himself say it out loud, and very unnerving. He braces himself for the backlash.

But to Ravi's surprise, all he sees as he skims the room are looks of understanding, sympathy, and curiosity. Flash t-shirt still looks at him with the same kind eyes, unfazed by Ravi's confession.

"How?"

Ravi's head snaps up in the direction of the voice, which belongs to the sandy haired 13-year-old. His book is nowhere in sight and his head has resurfaced, revealing his small, glasses-clad face.

"Wh-what?" Ravi blinks.

"How did you try to kill yourself?" The boy sounds so young and innocent in his question. He probably doesn't even realize that that's not necessarily a question you ask someone.

Ravi stutters before Flash t-shirt chimes in. "Ravi, do you feel comfortable disclosing that? If not, it's okay. You don't have to." He's still smiling. Does he ever not smile?

Ravi doesn't think he can say it. He hasn't been able to actually say the words out loud. The thought of verbalizing what he did that night brought back memories of every thought, every word, every little thing that happened, and it sent a panicky feeling straight to Ravi's spin, causing sweat to trickle his back. _No_ , he thinks to himself. Not here. Not now. He can't have another attack in front of all these people. He needs to find a way out of this fast.

Without saying a word, Ravi's shaking fingers pull back the sleeve of his left arm and reveals the lumpy bandage on his arm and the smaller cuts around it. The hammering of his heart quickens. Someone gasps. Some look at him with sorrow. Someone to his left mumbles an apology.

"Thank you so much for sharing Ravi." Flash t-shirt pulls Ravi's attention to him. He pushes his sleeve back down and clutches his arm close to him, a habit he's been doing. "I hope this group is helpful on your journey to recovery, and you feel comfortable here."

And with that, the rest of the room begins doing the same introductions as him. They're however more fluid and relaxed with it, most likely used to this type of thing. Ravi quickly learns their names, ages, and backstory. Eddie, 14, a dark-skinned boy with braces, has generalized anxiety and depression, and was forced to start group therapy by his concerned parents. Todd, 16 with bushy curly hair, was arrested for violence and antisocial behavior. Riley, the pretty red-head next to Ravi, is 16 and like Ravi, slight her wrist five months ago. Alicia, 17, has struggled with anorexia and bulimia for a few years, but is improving. Sam, the jock, is 17 and struggles with anger management and self-injurious behavior ("And I play football," he adds proudly.). Lindsey is the quietest of the bunch (besides Ravi). She's 14 and is a victim of rape and has been burdened with suicidal thoughts. Rodney, 17, has ADHD and depression. Isaac is 15 and suffered from substance and, "I set fire to some stuff, tortured some animals, went a little psycho". Monica is 16 and struggles with cutting and anorexia ("I haven't starved or cut myself in nine months!"). Tara, 15, has been in abusive foster homes her whole life and suffers from PTSD. And Connor, the 13-year-old, is "kinda bipolar, I sometimes try to hurt myself, and I almost killed myself a few times." He says it causally, like he's ordering food from McDonald's.

Like Ravi said, a diverse bunch.

But nonetheless, after hearing from everyone Ravi feels less anxious about being here. He doesn't feel like he's the only crazy one in a room full of teenagers. They each have something they're dealing with, and from their positive expressions, Ravi thinks that the group therapy might actually be helping.

Flash t-shirt is besides' himself with joy. "I'm just going to quickly introduce myself. My name is Santiago Ramírez, but everyone calls me Tiago so you can call me that. Currently working towards my doctorate, but I won't bore you with those details. I'm 27, I have two dogs, and I'm Colombian. And if you ask me—"

Flash t-shirt—Tiago— is interrupted by the sound of the door opening and someone rushing in the room. Everyone, including Ravi, turns to see who decided to barge into the room.

Ravi's eyes have never grown wider, for as soon as he turns around, his eyes meet two beautiful topaz gems, flecks of brown and green dancing around it.

Grayson Sinclair stands by the door looking slightly disheveled, yet somehow still put together. His eyes scramble around the room, the hasty expression still displayed in the crinkles of his forehead. His lips are slightly parted, taking in breaths heavily as if he were running. He runs a hand through the loose hair on his head and it falls to the side.

And finally, his eyes connect with Ravi's.

Ravi see's everything melt away from Grayson's face when they make eye contact. The hast, the nerves, the stress of running late. It all vanishes, replaced by an expression Ravi can't put a name too because he's never seen it before. Grayson stands by the door, eyes fixated on Ravi's. He doesn't move and neither does Ravi. Ravi feels an invisible pull that makes him want to jump out of his seat, run over to Grayson and… he doesn't know. But the pull is strong and if it isn't for Tiago's cutting voice, he might have done just that.

"Grayson! So nice of you to join us. Fifteen minutes late…" Tiago cocks an eyebrow at him. This is the most serious he's been all day.

Grayson's mouth opens and closes a few times, eyes never leaving Ravi's. "…I-I, uhh…" He blinks and shakes his head, turning to focus on Tiago. "S-sorry Tiago. Got caught up with something at school." He walks over to the empty seat next to Sam and does one of those bro handshakes Ravi has never had before. _They must be friends…_

Tiago waves him off. "No, it's cool. Not like you interrupted anything important. Just my life story…" a couple people laugh at that.

The session continues without any more interruptions. Tiago had the group do san icebreaker, mainly for Ravi. They each had to partner up with the person next to them and answer questions like what's your favorite television show, etc. Ravi paired up with Riley who is actually very nice and patient. Ravi felt comfortable around this girl even though he's known her for maybe twenty minutes. Once this was over, the group had to engage in an activity involving M&M's, where they had to pick one of the chocolate candies from the bag, and whatever color they got, they had to answer its corresponding question (Tiago brought chart paper with the questions written on it). For example, someone who pulled a red M&M had to share one thing that makes them happy, etc. When the bag came to Ravi, he pulled an orange M&M (say a good choice you made today) to which Ravi responded that he coming to the session was a good choice he made (even though he didn't choose to come).

The activities took up most of the time, and once it was over there was only about fifteen minutes left in the session. That's when the floor was open for people to share and discuss whatever they felt like sharing. Ravi sank back in his chair at this, opting out of this part. However, Ravi listened intently at what everyone had to say. Tara, for one talked about how her new foster family actually made her feel loved, and wanted to adopt her, but she still had huge trust issues after her previous ones. Sam discussed how using football as an outlet for his anger saved him from doing harm to himself and others, and it's now paying off to his advantage. Eddie shortly said that his parents finally trusted him to be alone again, and they don't worry about him so much anymore.

And the whole time, Ravi can feel two pools of topaz gazing at him.

Before Ravi knew it, the session was over. Once it's finished, Tiago pulls him to the side to talk to him and find out how he liked the session. Ravi's answers are short and brief, and Tiago doesn't force him to say more than he wants to.

Ravi finally walks out of the room and makes his way back into the main lobby. He has to admit, it wasn't that bad. It wasn't bad at all actually. Tiago made a point to mention that the room was a safe, judgment free space for everyone, and they should all feel comfortable to talk and participate at their own rate.

It's like Ravi walked into a whole different world.

He shoots a quick text to Jessie that the session is over. She texts back that she's on her way, and Ravi stands awkwardly in the hallway, wondering what to do while he waited. He spots a water fountain and, deciding he's parched, goes over to it for a drink. He's about to press the bottom that releases the water when a voice startles him.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Ravi abruptly stops and looks up only to once again see two pools of topaz watching him. He slowly straightens up, his heart suddenly racing at the sight of Grayson Sinclair leaning next to the water fountain, a playful smirk on his face, his dimples cutting holes in his face. "That water fountains broken. The minute you press that button, it's going to spray water all over you." His deep, velvety voice had a raspy undertone to it, which caught on miniscule syllables in his speech.

Ravi blinks out of his stupor. "Then where can I get something to drink?" He's suddenly more thirst than he was before.

Grayson beckons for Ravi to follow him around the corner. He gestures to the vending machine. "Right here." Ravi nods and pulls a couple bills out of his pocket. "Totally sucks that you have to pay for it but it is what it is." The vending machine dispenses the bottled water and Ravi takes it, awkwardly looking between it and Grayson before drinking. "You'd think a high-class hospital like this would afford to at least fix the water fountain, right?"

The bottle in his mouth keeps Ravi from responding and saying something stupid.

"So," Grayson starts, signaling for Ravi to follow him back around the corner, "did you like your first group?"

Ravi tries to search for the right words. Did he even have an opinion about the therapy session? "It's… not what I expected. At all."

"You thought it was gonna be scary, right?" The taller boy asks. "Being in a room full of strangers and expected to talk about feelings…"

Ravi nods. "Yeah. Petrified."

"What do you think of Tiago?"

"He's… enthusiastic. And smiles a lot."

"Yup. I've known him for a while, and in all that time I've never seen him anything but happy."

"So, you, you've been coming here frequently?"

Grayson nods and presses the elevator button. Ravi didn't even realize they walked all the way to the elevator. "Yeah you can say that."

The elevator dings and they step inside. Grayson presses _**L**_ for lobby and the elevator descends. It's silent, Ravi wanting badly to fill up the silence, but his mind is currently pudding as he stands near the varsity basketball player close enough to breathe in his scent (like fresh pine, something sweet, and mint chocolate). And he can't decipher what's wrong with him and why he can't think straight and why the proximity made him feel a weird giddiness, but then the elevator opens and his feet are leading him out into the lobby where the smell of sweet pine isn't so strong. They continue to walk in silence until Grayson stops Ravi.

Ravi turns to face him, his hazel eyes down-cast. He looks worried, and a little scared. Nervous even. "Ravi, listen." He finally looks up and topaz meets chocolate brown. Ravi almost steps back because of the intensity of his eyes. "There's… there's something I've been meaning to tell you—"

"Ravi!"

Both boys snap their heads up in the direction of the voice. Jessie stands a few feet away, smiling and beckoning him to come.

Ravi quickly mutters an apology, and a quick goodbye before running over to Jessie who automatically starts bombarding him with questions about the hour. Grayson watches as the Indian boy walks out of the revolving door and then out of sight.

So much he wants to say to him. So much he _needs_ to say.

* * *

 _ **This is 16 pages y'all. 16. But it all needed to be here. I**_ _ **n this chapter. This one. Here.**_

 _ **Ten points to whoever can guess why Grayson needs group. (Hint, you probably don't know)**_

 _ **As for the OCs, Tiago is played by Carlos Valdes (which is why he's wearing what he's wearing. Read closely) because we just see him fitting that part really well. For Riley we kind of think Madelaine Petsch fit the part. And everyone else are people we created from our heads.**_

 _ **(Read our story 1800 273-8255 in the My Babysitter's a Vampire section!)**_

 _ **Alright loves, I must now go to sleep. Reviews are nice. Please leave them.**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia**_


	12. Chapter 12: Uncensored

_**Soooo we're back. Meant to upload this sooner but writers block and busy and…**_

 _ **Disclaimer**_ _ **: We do not own Jessie.**_

* * *

 _Chapter 12: Uncensored_

 **Dana 11:17 A.M**

 _ **Hey are you coming tonight?**_

Ravi stares at the message displayed on his lock screen. He's not used to getting texts from anyone other than his family members, so seeing a new message from someone outside of the Ross family is surprising. His heart does a little excited flip at the message. It makes him feel a little good about himself. Getting messages from other people besides his parents and Jessie.

Ravi unlocks his phone, but his fingers hover over the keyboard on the iPhone screen. He doesn't know how he's going to answer her. He completely forgot about the open mic night Dana invited him to the day before. But he's been pretty dead set on not going, his mind being made up the minute she asked him. He knows he promised Dana he would think about it, but in all honest what is there to think about? There's no way Ravi would be able to survive any school event at the moment, what with his crippling anxiety and constant panic attacks. Not to mention how socially awkward he is and how his actual existence is suddenly of interest to everyone. He'd much rather spend the night in his room doing homework, reading, watching Netflix, or thinking about topaz ey— uhh he means thinking about how he'll survive the upcoming week.

Yup. Exactly that.

But Ravi can't bring himself to type up an excuse. Everything he comes up with sounds too dishonest. Plus, Dana has been so kind to him this past week. She looked so happy when she asked him to come, like she genuinely wants him to be there (although she always looks happy). He feels like by telling her no, he'll be letting her down in some way. And he doesn't know why but that bothers him.

He closes the texting app and locks his phone. He'll think of an excuse later. Or maybe he might reconsider and go. But the latter is unlikely. He turns back to the chemistry homework he had moved to the side—

—but then a knock at his door distracts him yet again. " _Ravi can I come in_?" It's Luke.

"It's open!"

Luke comes in holding his laptop, looking much better than he did a few days ago. The bruising around his eye has faded a bit even though his eye is still red and purple, and he no longer has the bandages wrapped around his knuckles, revealing small cuts and bruises. He doesn't seem as down either, but that might be because of the coffee he snuck a sip of this morning when Jessie wasn't looking. If Jessie knew he had some coffee, she would flip several times.

Some things never change.

Luke sits on the edge of Ravi's bed. "You busy?"

"Well, I'm doing chemistry homework so…" Ravi gestures to the chemistry book open besides him.

"So that would be a no."

Ravi chuckles and closes the book. "No, I'm not busy right now."

"Good because I think I've made a breakthrough." He excitedly beckons for Ravi to come closer to him. Ravi curiously leans over to look at the laptop screen. "Check this out. I'm still not too sure what I did but somehow I got into this GED website for Detroit." Luke clicks on one of the internet tabs and displays the website. "And I looked around and found a list of colleges the GED applicants ended up going to and everything." He then clicks on the link that takes him to the list. "And I went through each school and looked through some alumni records until I found," He clicks on a link that brings him to a new tab, "this. Detroit Community College. And look at the name that's on this list." Luke scrolls down a list of names and pictures until he lands on the one name he was looking for.

 _Olsen, Vanessa_.

"Luke that's incredible!" Ravi exclaims, taking the laptop in his hands. " _Olsen comma Vanessa. Graduated June third, 2008 with an Associate's Degree in Education._ " He reads. "How did you even find this?"

"I don't even know. I just clicked around until I got somewhere."

"Well this is still great." Ravi says. "You're one step closer to actually finding her. I'm impressed Luke."

"Thanks." Luke smiles. "The only thing is… I don't know where to go from there. Everyone else on the list has a picture of them, or where they went after that. Or, y'know, some type of information. But Vanessa Olsen has nothing there. So even though it's more than I knew before, it's still a dead end."

"At least you have more to go off of than you did before. And this new information will probably get you more answers. Like for one, she studied education. So we can assume she's a teacher of some sort."

"Yeah I guess." Luke sighs. "I wish this wasn't so frustrating and time consuming. Why can't I just type her name in Google and _boom_ , she pops up?"

Ravi chuckles. "Anyone worth looking for isn't easy to find."

Luke rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah whatever Aristotle." Ravi gives Luke the most perplexed of looks after what he says, to which he looks back in confusion. "What?"

Ravi smiles in amusement. "You know who Aristotle is?"

Luke really rolls his eyes now. "Shut up will yah?" He playfully shoves Ravi and the Indian boy laughs in amusement.

Luke's laptop suddenly dings not even a second after he speaks, indicating a new iMessage. The message pops up on the screen and Luke's eyes grow wide and his heart rate quickens upon reading the message. He rushes to grab the laptop, but Ravi is too quick and moves out of his reach.

"Wait," Ravi hovers the mouse over the iMessage, "who's this?" **Doug 11:26 A.M**. _**Brenna?**_ followed by the several eye emojis. "Who's Brenna?" His mouth twists into a lopsided smile.

Luke finally snatches the laptop from Ravi and frantically slams the lid shut. "Nothing. I mean no one."

Ravi raises an eyebrow in amusement. "Okay. And why is Doug texting you about nothing, I mean no one?"

Luke splutters a series of unintelligible sounds. "I-sh-wh-I, don't you, uhh, don't you have chemistry homework to get to?"

Ravi laughs at the shade of scarlet that spreads across Luke's freckle-clade face. He's never seen his brother so flustered over a girl before. Cocky, yes. The older boy usually flaunts about girls texting and DMing him on a daily basis, or he usually talks about girl like he was talking about food. He prides himself with it actually, his ability to attract so many females. But to see him literally embarrassed and speechless over the mention of a girl is new behavior. Luke must really like this girl if he wants to hide it so much.

Or he's actually growing up.

Luke gets up to leave at the same time Ravi gets another text from Dana, this time two question marks being in the message. Okay, maybe he kind of wants to go to open mic night, but at the same time he's afraid to. The only people he talks to at school are Dana and his siblings. He can't put himself in a situation that's going to call for him to interact with more than just four people. Especially if only one of those people will be present.

But wait. What if…

"Hey Luke," Ravi starts, causing Luke to stop in his tracks and turn around, "can I, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure man, what's up?"

Ravi starts fiddling with his fingers. "You're probably going to say no…" Luke gives Ravi a look that urges him to continue. "Well…, it's just… there's this event going on tonight. For, for the poetry club at school. Someone invited me to go." He pauses and looks at Luke's slightly blank expression. "And I, I want to go. But I don't think I can handle going by myself…" Ravi looks down sheepishly. He doesn't know what he's thinking. Of course Luke out of all people doesn't want to go to some stupid school affiliated poetry slam. The teen would probably rather acquire head lice. He braces himself for the "no" he's sure to get and the disappointment that will follow.

"Oh…" Luke mutters before realization hits him. " _Ohhh_! Sure, Ravi I'd be happy to go with you." Ravi looks up in surprise.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'll go with you if you want. Why did you think I was gonna say no?"

"Well," Ravi begins, "it's a poetry event. For school. I didn't think you'd want to go to something like that."

Ravi's not wrong. Luke doesn't necessarily like poetry. He sometimes detests it in fact. Well not sometimes. All the time. And he'd rather avoid it at all cost. But at the same time, he'll do anything he can to make sure Ravi is happy and comfortable and doesn't feel what he felt that dreadful night. And if that means having to endure nonstop poetry that he doesn't understand on a Saturday night, then that's exactly what he'll do.

 _It's for Ravi_ …

"Don't worry Ravi." Luke gives him a reassuring smile and a pat on the back. "I don't mind going with you."

Luke's heart warms at the smile that grows on Ravi's face. A genuine smile. "Great!" Ravi sends a quick text to Dana confirming his attendance tonight.

"And who knows." Luke says before he leaves the room. "Maybe I'll even enjoy it."

* * *

At around **6:25 p.m.** , Ravi and Luke enter _Delphine's_ , a vibrant, Italian and French fusion restaurant that opened about a year ago a few blocks away from the school. It's grown to be a typical hang out spot for Walden Academy students with the majority of its customers being said students. The cozy atmosphere paired with the affordable pricing, the great food, and the closeness of location attracted the students of Walden Academy the minute the restaurant opened. And the management is always overly happy to host school parties and events, and quiet frequently show their affiliation and allegiance to the school.

They might as well change the name from _Delphine's_ to _Walden Academy Café_.

Luke and Ravi show their school IDs to the makeshift bouncer at the door (a rather large member from the football team), and make their way into the dimly light restaurant which is buzzing with life and talk. It's actually pretty full, a great turn out in fact. Students walk around the restaurant, going from table to table to talk to their peers. Waiters and waitresses walk up and down carrying trays of drinks. Music plays softly in the background but doesn't stop the chatter from the people in the restaurant. A small stage and microphone are set up in a corner, and a girl with black hair is talking to someone who looks to be the manager of the place.

"So I guess we should find somewhere to sit." Luke suggests as he and Ravi stand near the door awkwardly. Ravi nervously plays with his hands. His heart rate has sped up and he feels himself starting to tremble and he honestly feels nauseous. The amount of people around him is making him feel like passing out. He's debating whether he should just go back home and hide in the confines of his room. But he's already here. He already got to this point. He really shouldn't go back. Plus he already told Dana he would be here so he's sure she's expecting him.

But Ravi doesn't have to worry much more because in about five seconds flat, Dana runs up to him and Luke in a happy, purple-haired heap. "Yay you came!" She exclaims. She's wearing a gray t-shirt with the word _**UNCENSORED**_ on it and she looks like she wants to hug Ravi, but she doesn't.

Ravi forces a smile which he feels looks more like a grimace. "Yup. Here I am." He feels Luke besides him eyeing Dana questioningly and he stutters out an introduction. "This, er, this is, er, my brother. Lu—"

"Luke Ross." She finishes with a tight smile. "I know. And I'm quite surprised you decided to come since the last time I invited you to one of these, you told me you'd rather eat a live tarantula than come to a loser fest like this." She crosses her arms, but the tight smile doesn't leave her face. Her attitude deviates from the usual jovial one she sports.

Luke's face pales in shame at the memory of the remark he made almost a year ago. "Oh, you, uh, you remember that…" he gives a sheepish laugh. "Sorry about that…"

"I bet you are." She dismisses him, turning to Ravi. "Come. I saved a booth for us to sit in." Her cheery attitude is back. She beckons for them to follow her to an empty booth next to a window. Ravi and Luke slide in on the same side and Dana sits across from them. Ravi's nervous have somewhat decapitated but he still has the nauseous churning in his stomach. Luke is sitting at the end of the both, blocking Ravi from being able to run to the bathroom if the feeling worsens (or out of the restaurant if the temptation comes up).

"I see you've been let out on probation." Dana says eyeing Luke's still bruised eye and knuckles with a pointed look.

Luke frowns as he hides his hand in his lap. "Temporarily yes…" And it wasn't an easy process. Since Luke is still indefinitely grounded and isn't supposed to leave the house except for school and wherever Jessie drags him too, the process of getting permission to leave the house wasn't an easy one. Luke begged and pleaded with Jessie and their parents for him to come to open mic night, but they wouldn't budge. They couldn't believe that Luke would ever want to attend a poetry event, and accused him of trying to sneak off to some party or whatever. It wasn't until Ravi explained to them the situation that they finally allowed him to go.

"Doubt it was because of good behavior." Dana mumbles but both Luke and Ravi hear her. Luke looks like he's shrinking in his seat from Dana's cold shoulder, and feels pretty out of place.

"So," Ravi, sensing the unusual tension, chimes in so the conversation isn't on Luke anymore, "what exactly goes down at one of these?"

"It's an open mic." Dana explains. "So anyone who wants to go up and say something, a poem, a song, a letter, they have the opportunity to do so. It's not limited to club members. Everyone is welcome to speak their mind. And it's completely uncensored, so you can say whatever you feel without repercussions or fear of judgement."

Say whatever you want without repercussions or judgement? Sounds like a dream land to Ravi, who's had to feel repercussions and judgement his whole life.

"It's more crowded than I expected." Ravi says. He honestly pictured a small, lowkey type of night. But the turn out looked equivalent to if the basketball team won a game. But then again, Ravi doesn't go to school events or parties so what does he know?

"I _know_!" Dana looks like she's bursting with pride. "It's such an improvement from last year when we barely had anyone. We were a brand new club, so we barely had any support. But I think the poetry club is finally starting to reach more people and get the recognition it deserves."

"Or maybe the free food is what's bribing more people to come." Luke jokes as a waitress places a plate of assorted breadsticks and butter on the table.

That was the wrong thing to say because Dana's face instantly fell at the comment and is replaced by an annoyed look. "People were coming to open mic night _before_ it was held in a restaurant, so no. It's not the free food." The breadstick Luke is about to take a bite out of hovers in the air for a few seconds before he deflates and puts it on a napkin and pushes it away, mumbling something unintelligible under his breath.

Ravi sensed the tension between Dana and Luke (mainly from Dana) the minute she walked up to them. He's not sure why she's acting so harshly towards him, but he doesn't like it. He doesn't want there to be any bad feelings between his brother and the only friend he has. "H-he was only joking." Ravi quickly says in an attempt to defuse the situation. "I'm sure people will come whether there's free food or not."

Dana opens her mouth but doesn't get a chance to answer because the same black-haired girl taps on the mic to get everyone's attention. The feedback from the mic rings throughout the restaurant and everyone turns to the stage.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen." She says with a smile that lights up her face. "I know we're supposed to start now, but we're running a little off schedule since our president is stuck in train traffic. MTA's a bitch, amirite?" A few people laugh. She jumps off the stage and the chatter continues on as if it was never interrupted.

" _Ugh_! This literally happens _every_ time." Dana says with an eyeroll. "We never start on time because of this."

"Why is he always late?" Ravi asks.

Dana shrugs. "Nobody knows. He blames it on the subway system, but come on! You don't have to be a doofus to know that the trains aren't bad this much." Ravi notices how her eyes twitch to Luke on the word 'doofus'. But he doesn't comment. Nor does he think Luke notices. Or maybe Luke notices and chooses to ignore it.

The black-haired girl suddenly slides into the booth next to Dana and Dana instantly makes room for her. "Can you believe Billy's late again?" She asks Dana, the most irritated expression on her face. "We have a set time for a reason! If he wants to be late all the time, then why not make all our lives easier and change the time of open mic? Or, I don't know, make someone else the president who can actually be here on time!"

"I know, right?" Dana says. "But maybe he'll give us some type of explanation this time."

"Doubt it." The girl mumbles. Her blue eyes perk up, however, after finally noticing Ravi and Luke's presence. "I see you've brought more people to _Uncensored_ 's Open Mic Night." She smiles and her whole face lights up, much like it did on the stage.

"Oh! Right! This is Ravi and Luke Ross, both very eager to be here. Ravi, Luke, this is—"

"Brenna Monroe." She extends a hand to Ravi which he shakes. "Vice president of _Uncensored_. Nice to meet you Ravi." She seems nice. She doesn't mention his cast which bulks underneath the sleeve of his hoodie. Nor does she ask about the state of his health. Ravi already likes her. Her smile widens when she turns to Luke. Ravi glances at his brother. Luke's face has turned several shades of deep scarlet and his eyes have become the size of saucers. "I already know Luke though. We have History together, right?"

Luke's mouth opens and closes a few times, the heat in his cheeks spreading to his ears. "Uhhhhh…" He looks frozen, like he might be sick. Or explode. Whichever comes first. Ravi's brows furrow at Luke's odd behavior and he elbows the boy to bring him back to the current. Luke blinks a few times. "I-I, y-yeah. We have, er, we have h-history." Luke gives a weird sort of smile before looking down at the breadstick on the napkin.

Ravi eyes Luke's demeanor suspiciously. A demeanor he has never seen from the freckled boy. He's fidgeting and playing with his hands, his cheeks are bright red, and he's stuttering worse than Ravi does. Ravi looks from him to Brenna before it finally clicks.

Brenna was the same name that Doug mentioned in the iMessage earlier.

So _this_ is the girl Luke likes. It all makes sense now. Ravi snickers to himself, having never seen Luke act this way in front of a girl before. His cocky and rather douchebag-y attitude is replaced with nerves and embarrassment. He can't blame Luke though. Brenna is actually a beautiful girl with long black hair, bright blue eyes like crystals, and a smile that just makes you want to smile with her. He can see why Luke has completely lost all his cool due to her presence. And honestly, it's kind of amusing.

The four of them sit and talk for the next fifteen minutes or so, with Luke blushing madly every time Brenna addresses him. Ravi has to fight to keep a straight face every time this happens, and does his best to fill in the blank spots Luke leaves in the conversation due to his inability to form words. Dana still hasn't warmed up to Luke, making a point to show how she disapproves of his presence, but Ravi brings the conversation away from his brother as much as possible. Luke looks as though he regrets coming, and Ravi asks if he wants to leave. But to that Luke musters up a smile and tells Ravi that he's fine and that he'll stay as long as Ravi wants to stay. Ravi knows Luke is only saying that because he knows Ravi wants to be there. And he's grateful for that. But he still feels bad for dragging Luke to a place that he's not enjoying. He'll have to find a way to make up for it later.

A waiter takes their order, and the four of them show their student IDs so they can eat for free. Finally, at **6:45** , a senior rushes into the restaurant and hops onto the small stage, and taps the mic, bringing the restaurant to a slow quiet.

"Hello everyone!" He says. "Welcome to _Uncensored's_ first open mic night of the year!" The restaurant starts clapping and a few people _whoot_ in excitement. "I am Billy Tiseo, your very own President, and I'd like to apologize for the slight delay." Billy wears the same gray t-shirt Dana and Brenna are wearing. His long sandy hair is pulled into a low ponytail, and he looks like the type to have a band in his garage that doesn't make really good music. "We're going to begin in a moment, but I need to go over some ground rules, do some house-keeping. First of all, no prejudice. _Uncensored_ is a safe space for all of us to speak or minds, even if some of us disagree. No bullying any one because you don't like them or what they have to say.

"Second of all, respect everyone who steps up to the mic. No talking, laughing, yelling, stomping, or any other noise making while someone has the mic. Give everyone here respect and you shall get respect back.

"Third, this is open mic and everyone his open to speak. However, this is not a free for all. If you have something you want to talk about or a piece you want to recite, we have a list right next to the stage. You can write your name at any point during the night and we will call you to the stage. However, since we need to end by **10:00** , we won't be adding anymore names to the list at **9:30** so we can be out of her on time.

"And lastly, have fun. Enjoy yourself. Take advantage of the ability to discuss whatever you want without any teachers giving you detention for 'being rude'." He says the last part with quotation marks. Despite his tardiness, Ravi can already see why he's president. He has a way of grabbing everyone's attention without trying too hard. And he looks like the type to love poetry.

"Before we begin," he continues, "let me just say how _great_ the turn-out is tonight!" More clapping and excited cheers. "I feel so honored to be the president of a club that generates so many souls and brings so many people together. You are all so awesome for being here.

"Alright, no more cheesy speeches. Let the open mic night begin! First act up, Andi Cho!"

And with that, Billy walks of the stage and the night begins. The first person to walk up to the mic is a short Asian girl who seems to be a freshman. Her hair is styled in a pixie cut and she looks more nervous than confident to be in front of everyone. "H-hi. My name is Andi. This is my first open mic, and I'm really nervous so please bear with me." She unfolds a piece of paper from her pocket and clears her throat.

" _I used to think that love was like_

 _a new grown tree, with fresh leaves_

 _and branches that cradled and nestled_

 _living things, and on sunny days brought breeze._

 _I used to think love looked like_

 _a blazing sun as it illuminated_

 _a clear blue ocean floor. I thought_

 _love was warm and fuzzy and irradiated._

 _I used to think love felt like_

 _red velvet. Tasted like a warm cake_

 _being pulled out of your mother's oven as_

 _she places it in front of a window that viewed the lake._

 _I never knew love felt like_

 _a blazing blue fire eating away_

 _at your childish heart. Flames ignited by_

 _a crippling desire that breaks your soul, but you so_

 _desperately want it to stay._

 _I never knew love could be_

 _a butterfly and a spider at the same time._

 _A dream and a nightmare wrapped up in a_

 _bundle and handcuffed to you like a repugnant crime._

 _I never knew love would break my heart._

 _I never knew it would shatter me,_

 _stomp all over me, chew me up and spit me out_

 _and make a memory of what I used to be._

 _They said I'm too young to know what love is._

 _My teenage heart isn't mature enough._

 _Yet, love still found me, and showed me it's true meaning._

 _And it broke me. And I say this without a bluff._ "

Andi releases a breath she was holding the entire time. "Thank you." The entire restaurant erupts into snaps. Not applause, but snaps. Ravi and Luke look to Dana in confusion.

"Snapping is the preferred way of doing things in the poetic world." Dana states as she snaps. Ravi and Luke nod, both making a mental note of this.

The night continues, with more and more people going up to the mic to recite whatever came to their mind. They took a thirty-minute break to eat dinner, which gave Ravi the opportunity to pretend to enjoy the Fettucine Alfredo he ordered. He forces himself to eat it all even though his appetite would rather otherwise. Once dinner is finished, the mic is open for more people to speak, and more people step up to the mic and voice their mind. Ravi watches in amazement as each person bravely walks up to the mic and either reads of a paper, from their phone, or just speaks off the top of their head. He listens intently as they each spill their minds and emotions out to everyone sitting in the audience, and each time is surprised by how enthusiastically the crowd snaps. Each poem is about something different, but each filled with the same amount of emotion and meaning. Some people even talk about more personal things, but talk about it with the utmost confidence. Some people get emotional. Some ask the audience for a prompt and make a poem off a random word. Some even use profanity.

"So people can just talk about anything?" Ravi asks Dana at some point. "And say whatever words they want?"

"Yup." Dana says with a smile. "That's why we call ourselves _Uncensored_. We don't censor anyone's freedom of speech here."

Ravi nods and thinks about what that would feel like. Being able to speak without having to censor what he feels. Something he's always done, and continues to do. He wonders what it would be like to write a poem that describes fully and in depth exactly what his inner turmoil has been, and exactly what being unclosed in a dark room is like. He wonders what would happen if he too spilled himself onto a piece of paper and wrote anything and everything that would sum up to what his life has been. He pictures himself walking up to the mic just like these people have been doing, and reciting his demons to the entire crowd, unleashing the troubles within him. He wonders what they would think. What would their reaction be? Would they understand? Would they cringe or shun him? He shudders at the thought, the nausea in his stomach returning. Even if he were to ever write poetry, there's no way he'd be able to survive standing up in front of 30+ people and saying it. He'd have a panic attack before he reached the stage.

Still. It's something to think about. Something to keep his mind busy. Maybe Ravi will start writing poetry to get some things off his chest. Maybe he will use that journal Dr. Phillips gave him for something after all.

Maybe.

Over all, Ravi enjoys the night, which is not what he thought would happen. He actually has fun, and eventually feels a little more comfortable around all these people. He might even come to another open mic night, or any other event _Uncensored_ has.

Maybe…

* * *

One of the best parts of being a Sophomore honors student (in Ravi's opinion) is being able to choose an elective, something no other Sophomore is allowed to do. Actually, only Juniors and Seniors are allowed to choose elective classes, or a class that they actually want to take and have interest in. But since Ravi and Dana are ahead of the rest of their class having taken a few of their Sophomore classes in eighth grade and in their freshman year, they were allowed to take a Junior elective their Sophomore year.

Both Ravi and Dana chose Astronomy as their elective and, unsurprisingly, are the best students in that class. While every other Junior seems to be struggling with the different concepts, Ravi and Dana have no issue with the subject and seem to pick up the material quickly. It seems to come at ease to them, just like every other subject, but honestly who's shocked by this? The Juniors in the class usually look at Dana and Ravi in awe every time they ace a test or answer a question right, and beg them for tutoring (Dana usually does the tutoring. Ravi just sits quietly). It's the only class Ravi has never been taunted or bullied in, mainly because the upper classmen wanted his help more than his demise.

Dana and Ravi have Astronomy last period on Wednesday and Ravi almost always looks forward to it. He sees it as a highlight too his usually glum days. They both opt for seats in the back as usual right next to each other. They listen intently and pretty much understand exactly what Mrs. Houts is explaining while the rest of the class seems to be lost and confused. It gives Ravi a weird satisfaction to know that he's better at them in Astronomy. At least he's good at that.

"Okay everyone." Mrs. Houts says when there is twenty minutes left before the final bell. She seems unusually excited. "Put your books away. It's time we start talking about our first project." A bunch of groans follow her words as much of the class looks stressed and deflated by this. "Oh stop that! It's not that hard of a project trust me. I've done it before with previous classes and even the worst of students managed to pass.

"Alrighty then." The class finally quiets. She gives a stack of papers to a Junior girl in the front who starts handing them out. "Your project is going to be on the lunar phases. You're all going to explore the effect of the lunar phases on various events on Earth; things like temperature and birth rates. You're going to do research on this, explain to me _in detail_ your findings, and you're going to do both a paper and a power point explaining your observations." More groans and cries and people saying 'I'm gonna fail!' "Wait, wait! You didn't let me finish. You are going to do this with a partner to alleviate some of the stress. So you'll have someone to help you succeed on this project. I promise you it won't be that bad. And it's not due until December, which gives you a whole two months to complete it."

The junior girl hands Ravi and Dana the paper with instructions on what to do for their project, along with its due date and expected requirements.

"You wanna be partners?" Dana asks Ravi. "With the two of us together, we'll totally sweep the floor with everyone else's project!" She gives him a sly smile.

Ravi opens his mouth to reply but is cut off by Mrs. Houts voice. "Before you do anything else, no, you may not choose your partners." The groaning intensifies, this time Dana joining in as she scoffs in disappointment. There goes their killer project. Ravi's expression quickly takes on a stressful look at the notion of being paired with someone he doesn't know, someone who is a Junior, older than him, and probably ready to tear him apart. He already feels anxious and he doesn't even _have_ a partner yet.

"I have already picked your partners. When I call your names, please go sit with him or her, and start working on the project. Or sit there and talk about your weekend plans. I really don't care. Just do you." Some students chuckle. Ravi sinks a little in his seat at the prospect of having to work with someone besides Dana. The room starts to feel hot suddenly. He swears if he has another panic attack…

"Shelby Diaz and Louis Fleur."

The students get up and move around so they can sit together. Neither Shelby nor Louis look happy to be partnered with each other, and very reluctantly take seats next to each other. Ravi prays whoever is his partner doesn't have that same dreadful look on their face.

"Marcus Hall and Freddie Shaw. Cindy Katz and Ivana Davis. Melvin Alberts and Dana Ramon."

Dana rolls her eyes so hard Ravi is sure they'll get stuck in her brain. She reluctantly grabs her things and drags herself out of the seat. "Wish me luck. I'll be needing it." She grumbles. He doesn't blame her. Melvin is probably the worst in their class. He, however, looks over the moon to have Dana next to him.

Mrs. Houts continues to read of names from the list on her desk, every name filling Ravi both with relief and anxiety as he waits to hear his own name and partner. "Sarah Seltic and Melina Lopez. David Cravitz and Christina Taylor. Ravi Ross—"

Ravi's stomach completely drops upon hearing his name, his eyes growing wide in irrational fear. He feels his breathing involuntarily quicken and his hands tremble. It's happening again. A panic attack. Right in the middle of his Astronomy class in front of all these Juniors. He's probably going to pass out and they'll just laugh at him because he can't even keep it together long enough to get assigned a partner and the walls feel like they're closing in on him and dear God he wants to disappear—

"—and Grayson Sinclair."

—and as if it never happened, everything snaps back to normal (as normal as it can get). His stomach abruptly stops churning as if whatever toxins that upset it disappeared. His hands grow still and somewhat sweaty. He's breathing at a normal rate again which shocks his lungs. The walls have gone back to where they were before. Ravi stares at Mrs. Houts as if she spoke Korean, not yet understanding her words, yet understanding them all the same. It takes what might have been a few seconds or an hour for Ravi to process the name she called. The name he never even realized was in this class.

 _Grayson Sinclair_.

Ravi feels the piercing gaze of those eyes on him before he sees it. He feels like life has been set in slow motion as he turns his head towards the front of the room, his eyes landing on the two pools of topaz that have been in and out of his mind all week, the gold and brown flecks dancing in the orbs. His heart pounds stronger. Not faster. Not rapidly. Stronger. Like a deep base playing in his chest. It's all weird and out of the blue and he doesn't know how to explain what's going on with him, but he can't bring himself to question why he's feeling this way and why Grayson's gaze makes him feel like honey. All he wants is to keep looking at those pools of topaz for as long as life permits him to and why _god_ has he never noticed that he was in this class?

They're coming towards him now, the pools. And he wants them to come towards him, but Ravi finally blinks out of his stupor when he realizes what's going on. Grayson is walking towards him. _Grayson is walking towards him_! Ravi feels a different type of panic as the hazel eyed, brown haired, dimpled basketball-playing junior makes his way to the empty seat that used to be occupied by Dana. Ravi wishes Dana was still sitting there because then at least his insides wouldn't feel like goo.

Ravi watches as Grayson takes the seat next to him with ease. He flashes a pearly white smile at Ravi who gives the junior a really awkward one back. Ravi's eyes graze over his smooth olive skin and the chiseled muscle of his forearm, and he nearly slaps himself to stop from staring at Grayson like a creep.

"So," Grayson starts in his raspy voice, "I guess we're partners, huh?"

"Y-y-yeah." Ravi's voice cracks very embarrassingly. He'd give anything for a glass of water at this moment. He clears his throat. "Yeah, we're p-partners."

Grayson nods. "It's a good thing we are, or I would completely fail."

"What, what do you mean?" Ravi's voice cracks again and it's like the puberty brick is repeatedly hitting him over the head.

"I mean, I'm slow as a turtle in Astronomy and you're probably the smartest dude in this whole school." Ravi blushes despite his dark complexion. "I'm pretty much a dead weight at this. Don't know why I chose it to begin with…"

Ravi's heart sinks. He knows where this is going and he's almost disappointed. Grayson is going to use his good looks and suave to persuade Ravi into doing all the work while he sits back and relaxes, and Ravi will have to work on the project by himself. And Ravi will sadly let Grayson get credit for all the work he didn't do, and Grayson will smile in satisfaction because he successfully took advantage of Ravi's brain. He's not new to this. He's been down this road before. It's what happens every time he has to do group work."

"Whatever. I'll do my best to contribute but you'll have to be patient with me because Astronomy makes me feel stupid." Grayson chuckles.

Ravi blinks. He blinks several times. He wonders if he heard right or if his ears are just messing with him. Grayson wants to _contribute_ to the project? Like, he actually wants to contribute? Not put off all the work on Ravi and take the credit? He actually wants to help?

"Umm, o-okay sure." Ravi stutters, his tongue growing heavier and heavier by the second. "No problem. So, er, when do you want to get started?"

Grayson bites his full, pink bottom lip as he think's and Ravi has to forcefully tear his eyes away from the older boys' lips. But it's the most distracting thing he's ever seen in his fifteen years of living. "Well I don't have practice today, so how does today sound?"

"Great." Ravi says too eagerly. "Sounds great."

"Cool. Where do you wanna go to start things off?"

"My house." Ravi blurts out without thinking. It takes a moment for him to realize that he just offered the basketball play to come to his house and Ravi feels like flinging himself out of the window for being so mindless. He feels his eyes becoming saucers and he wishes he could take back the invitation because honestly _what was he thinking_! But it's too late. It's already out there in the atmosphere.

"Your house." Grayson repeats, giving it a thought as he bites his lip yet _again_. Ravi can't help the open-mouthed expression as his eyes stay fixated on the lip bite as if it's a warm cake placed on a table, freshly baked and iced. He can't even think straight to question why he's feeling like a million butterflies fluttering everywhere. He's suddenly overcome with desires he's never had before, but he doesn't feel like shaking it off. "That's cool with me. Do you want to go straight there, or do you want to set up a time?"

"Uhhh," every intelligent thought leaves Ravi's mind, the image of Grayson's bottom lip still playing itself through Ravi's mind. He's barely aware of the question asked of him and he scrambles to find words to say that don't make him sound like a buffoon. "Uhh, not, umm straight, not straight." Ravi clears his throat and blinks because the sentence he said made Grayson's eyebrows raise to his hairline and Ravi's cheeks burn. _Pull it together Ross_! "I mean, let's set a time and met up. H-how is **4:30**?"

Grayson smiles, two dimples slashing his cheeks. Ravi nearly melts into a puddle. "Perfect. Here." He scribbles something down on a piece of paper in his notebook and rips it out, followed by another piece of blank paper. He places both papers plus the pen on Ravi's desk. Ravi looks down. The first paper has a number scrawled on it, followed by the name _Grayson_ in neatly printed hand writing. "My number. So, you know, you can text me about the project and your address and stuff." Ravi feels the strangest excitement at the thought of texting Grayson, but he pockets the paper.

The second one is blank however. "Do you, er, mind giving me your number too? So y'know, I can have it?" Grayson's voice is suddenly small, and shy even. His cheeks have a slightly pink tint, but Ravi doesn't notice because he's trying to control his hand as he shakily writes his number on the paper (he messes up and has to start over). He hands it back to Grayson who flashes his perfect smile as the bell rings.

"Thanks." He mutters as he picks up his bag. "See you later Ravi." Grayson stands up and walks around Ravi's desk towards the door. Ravi's gaze follows him as he goes, and he catches himself before he can stare to intently at the way his back looks stronger than Ravi's soul.

The slam of books on the table next to him makes Ravi jump, bringing his attention away from Grayson ( _finally_ ). He turns back to the desk Grayson was at and Dana is now standing there looking like a raging bull. "I need a new partner." She growls. Ravi quickly gathers up his books in his bag. "I cannot spend another minute partnered with Melvin or my IQ level might have to suffer."

"It can't be that bad." Ravi says as he stands up.

"He thinks Mars is a city in Africa."

Ravi snorts. They get to the door of the class room where Luke stands waiting for him. Today was his first day back from suspension, and boy has the school been excitedly gossiping about the fight and his return. He can't go anywhere without someone pointing at his black eye or whispering something about the incident. Paired with Ravi and his drama, the rumor mill must be having a field day. Evan Carter is back too, but neither Ravi nor Luke have seen him all day and want to believe he's avoiding them.

"Hey man." Luke greets him. "You okay? You look kind of red."

Ravi's face does still feel hot from the amount of blushing he did when he was interacting with Grayson. "Uhh, yup. Peachy." No way is he about to admit how talking to the topaz-eyed Junior made him feel like singing and hiding under a rock all at the same time.

"Well I gotta go." Dana says, not really looking at Luke. Still giving him the cold shoulder Ravi sees. "I'll see you tomorrow Ravi." She turns and walks in the opposite direction, her purple pony-tail swinging as she goes.

"Why does she hate me?" Luke asks as they begin walking towards the exit where Emma and Zuri wait.

"What?" Ravi says in mock shock. He knows that Dana doesn't seem to be too fond of Luke for whatever reason, but he doesn't think she outright hates him. Ravi's hoping that Dana's just sizing him up maybe. Figuring him out. And he is hoping Luke wouldn't notice her harshness. "She doesn't hate you."

"She doesn't seem to like me that much either." Luke mutters.

"I'm sure she'll come around. She doesn't even know you yet."

"I don't think she _wants_ to know me."

"Who wants to know you?" Emma and Zuri walk up to them, both girls looking more than ready to leave school.

"Dana Roman. I'm pretty sure she hates me. And I don't know why."

"Are you kidding me?" Emma snorts as the four of them walk down the hall. "She's one of the nicest people at the school. She loves everyone. She's basically a gummi bear and a lollipop put together."

"Well she's more like licorice to me."

"Luke, you probably did something to annoy her and now she thinks you're a joke." Zuri rolls her eyes.

"Can you for one minute not assume that I did something to make someone hate me? I'm not that horrible!"

The four of them continue their conversation and small bantering. Well, Ravi tries to converse, but his mind keeps wandering. It keeps wandering to the fact that in an hour, Grayson Sinclair, the topaz-eyed, dimpled cheeked, basketball playing, pretty boy Junior would be entering his home. _His home_. And would be in close proximity to Ravi.

And Ravi is nowhere _near_ prepared for it.

* * *

 _ **Don't even know how this is 16 pages… Like how does this happen again?**_

 _ **So yes, the vision behind Brenna Monroe in this fic comes from Brenna D'Amico from**_ **Descendants.** _ **And Doug is also from**_ **Descendants** _ **. And Andi is from**_ **Andi Mack** _ **. Will these people be important in later chapters? Maybe… Honestly the only reason we decided to use characters that exist in other places is because thinking of all these OCs is a lot of work and we're lazy lol.**_

 _ **Someone who reviewed asked if Connor would be in other chapters and my answer to that is maybe…**_

 _ **Thank you all for reading. Also we have two stories up in the**_ **My Babysitter's a Vampire** _ **section so if you want to go check that out then pleeeeeeease.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading. Please review. The more reviews we get the fast we upload.**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia.**_


	13. Chapter 13: The Color Red

_**It's 12 AM. I am sick and sleep. Here is chapter 13.**_

 _ **Disclaimer**_ _ **: We do not own Jessie.**_

* * *

 _Chapter 13: The Color Red_

Ravi has been nervously checking the time on his phone every three minutes or so since he got home. His leg bounces as he sits on the living room couch, glancing back at the elevator every few seconds. He alternates between running a hand through his hair, and rubbing said hand against his bandaged arm which oddly enough gives him comfort. The text that he received about twenty minutes ago didn't do anything except cause his anxiety to worsen as Ravi awaited the inevitable events that were sure to happen.

Grayson Sinclair coming to his house.

He hasn't stopped thinking about the fact that the boy with captivating topaz eyes would soon be coming to his home to work on a project that Ravi still isn't sure he'll be able to fully focus on. And the knowledge that he's probably going to act like a complete fool just heightens his nerves. It's become apparent to him that whenever Grayson was in proximity, he gains the ability to sound like a baboon and feel like someone set fire to his blood. And he's never been like that around anyone before. Nervous, apprehensive, and scared, yes. And all for good reason. But never the way he found himself acting the few times Grayson was near him.

It's all really weird and confusing to Ravi. And fact of the matter is, he's most definitely going to be in the same predicament the minute Grayson walks into the apartment.

The more rational part of his mind tells Ravi that his nervous ticks and worrying are ridiculous. He shouldn't be over reacting to this. This is no different than having to study with any of his siblings, or even Dana for that matter (if his siblings or Dana had beautiful hazel eyes, deep dimples, a sultry smile, you get the point). It will simply be two guys casually working on a school project in the penthouse and nothing more. The more irrational side of Ravi, however, thinks that he will probably have a stroke the minute Grayson comes.

And a smaller part of Ravi feels like there's more to it, but he pushes that away for the time being.

Ravi has been convincing himself that the reason he's so nervous is due to his awkwardness, lack of social skills, and lack of friends. He can't remember the last time he's had someone come over to do homework, or just in general. The last few times he had to do a group project, the group either worked on it in school or made him do all the work. Never did they offer to come to his home nor did they offer to do their fair share of the work. So naturally, Ravi would feel uneasy about it, especially given his past experiences with high school students and basketball players.

Yup. That is the only logical explanation.

Ravi checks his phone again. **4:24**. The last time he checked, it was **4:21**. He's been checking the time every three minutes _exactly_. He feels like throwing his phone at a wall so he can get a grip on himself, but then he'd probably run both hands through his hair until it all falls out. And what's the use of a broken phone anyway? How will Grayson text him if he needs to?

His siblings reacted just as he would have expected. Zuri showed indifference, Luke looked skeptical but seemed alright with it, and Emma's face turned beet red and she had this dreamy look in her eyes for maybe two seconds. And Jessie seemed thrilled that Ravi is making friends even though he tried to explain to her that they aren't really friends. Just two guys working on a school project. He barely knew Grayson to call him a friend anyway.

Though the idea of being friends with him is appealing…

At **4:27** , Ravi's phone buzzes.

 **Grayson 4:27 P.M**

 _ **So i think i'm here. do i just take the elevator up?**_

Ravi's heart skips a beat. _He's early,_ he thinks to himself as he fumbles with his phone to respond quicker than he probably should have.

 **Ravi 4:27 P.M**

 _ **Yeah. All the way up to the penthouse.**_

He shakily listens as a doorman's (not Tony) voice comes through the intercom on the wall, letting Ravi know that there is a visitor for the Ross family. Ravi nearly falls off the couch and stumbles to the intercom to quickly stutter a response, letting the doorman know that it is okay to send the person up. If Ravi thought he was nervous before, he's having an aneurism now.

Ravi steps back and watches as the small screen above the elevator indicates that it's moving up from the first floor. He dances from foot to foot, wondering how much he really needs to do this project right this second. There's no rush, right? It's not due for another two months. Maybe he can postpone it until later. Maybe he can make a run for it before the elevator gets to the apartment, and make up something about him being sick, or send one of his siblings to tell Grayson that Ravi left the country.

But Ravi doesn't have time to decide on that because within seconds the elevator has reached the penthouse (curse this stupidly fast elevator!) and it's dinging, and the doors are opening and the inevitable is approaching. Ravi holds his breath, wishing for his speeding heart to stop making audible thumps (at least he's pretty sure it's audible).

Grayson steps out of the elevator coolly, looking around before his eyes land on Ravi and those dimples slash his cheeks. "Hey."

"H-hey." Ravi smiles, trying to keep his attention off Grayson's dimples. "You, er, got here fast."

Grayson nods. "Yeah, I just ubered it."

Ravi nods back. The awkward silence falls on them as they stand there staring at anything but each other: the wall, the floor, the ceiling, the piano. The awkwardness grows on as neither boy knows what to do or say next. And Ravi's heart is beating to fast and throat feels constricted, so even if he wants to talk, it would probably sound like a frog croaking instead.

Finally, Grayson speaks up first, gesturing to the couch. "So, should we stay in here or is there somewhere else we can go?"

Ravi looks between Grayson and the couch. "Umm, no we can, uh, we can stay in here."

Grayson heads over to the couch first, and Ravi scurries after him. He must already look stupid, making Grayson stand there by the elevator in awkward silence instead of inviting him in like a normal person. Two minutes in to having Grayson in his house and he's already failing as a host.

"Pretty convenient that you have an elevator that goes into your apartment, huh?"

Ravi blinks out of his inner scolding. "Wha— oh. Yeah, uh, yeah I guess."

They both sit on the couch. Grayson relaxes right away. "Don't you ever get scared that someone might break in?" Grayson looks so comfortable already, and it's not even his house! How can he look so calm and collected when Ravi can barely sit next to him without being distracted by his smooth, olive skin?

Ravi shakes his head. "I though the same thing when I first came, but we have a personal key for the elevator that let's in. And we have security too so…"

Grayson nods. And more awkward silence follows. Ravi really wishes he could be better at making conversation. He wishes he wasn't so verbally and socially challenged. He can almost hear Grayson thinking how boring Ravi is to himself.

"Alright." Grayson finally says. "Do you wanna get started?"

"Uh, y-yeah," Ravi splutters, "yeah we should get started."

Grayson reaches into his bag and pulls out his Astronomy textbook. Ravi finds himself momentarily distracted by his toned forearm, but when Grayson catches his eye, he pretends to be busy with his laptop. "So how should we start this thing?"

Ravi glances at him from his laptop. He hadn't thought about how they should proceed with the project. He's been too busy freaking out over this little study session. "Uh, w-well, I, uh, guess we can start by…" by what? How is he supposed to know or come up with an answer? "…uh, by defining the different lunar phases and giving an explanation for each." That doesn't sound too bad, considering the fact that Ravi just pulled that out of his ass. It actually sounds like he's put some thought into this.

"Different lunar phases…" Grayson repeats. "Right. I know that. That's like the full moon and stuff, right?"

Ravi nods. "Yes, the full moon is a part of it."

"Uh," Grayson mutters, flipping a little through the textbook, "and then there's like the… umm…" Ravi tries hard to fight a giggle as Grayson tries to figure out the other lunar phases. "Uh, the halfmoon, right?"

"Technically it's first quarter or third quarter." Ravi says. "But you're close."

"First quarter and third quarter…" Grayson's face scrunches up in a way Ravi thinks is really cute. He fails to hide his blush at thinking this. "What's the difference? Why not just go with one?"

"Well it all depends on the positioning of the Earth, moon, and sun." Ravi says. He knows lunar phases like the back of his hand having studied it a lot in India. "The first quarter moon occurs some time after a full moon since we can only see half of the part of the moon that reflects the sun. And the third quarter occurs before the full moon—" Ravi abruptly stops when he realizes that he's rambling. He hates it when he gets too caught up in what he's saying and forgets himself. He used to do it all the time when he first started American school, and it only got him bullied and beat up because nobody cared about his 'nerd knowledge'. Grayson doesn't want to hear about all of this. "Sorry." Ravi shrinks back, looking down at his hands. "I got carried away…"

Grayson furrows his eyebrows, having actually been interested in Ravi's explanation. "No, it's okay. Don't apologize. I really don't know this stuff anyway so you explaining it to me is doing me a solid." He flashes a smile which makes Ravi blush harder.

It takes a minute for it to register in Ravi's mind that Grayson wants to hear more of what Ravi was saying, which is surprising more so because no one ever wants to hear Ravi discuss things like this. Nevertheless, Ravi reaches for the Astronomy text book Grayson is holding and with shaky fingers flips to the chapter that talks about Lunar phases.

"S-so this," Ravi points to a diagram of the lunar phases, "is the full moon, but I'm sure you know that already. This next one is called waxing gibbous, where we can only see about seventy-five percent of the portion of the moon that reflects sunlight." Ravi glances up and sees that Grayson is glancing between the book and Ravi with interest. Ravi continues. "Then we have the first-quarter, and then the waxing crescent."

"Waxing crescent." Grayson repeats. "I knew it had an actual name. I've been calling it a wedge the entire time. And my cousin's been calling it a toenail."

Ravi laughs. A very short, breathy laugh that catches him completely off guard. Grayson smiles back, giving Ravi a bubbly feeling because his smile is so warm. Ravi recovers himself and continues explaining to Grayson the different lunar phases, their names, and why they look the way they do. Grayson looks like he's clinging to Ravi's every word. As though it's the first time he's ever heard it explained, and Ravi is making all the sense in the world.

"Wow you know your stuff." Grayson states when Ravi is finished. "What are you, some sort of astronomy expert?"

Ravi blushes once again and shakes his head. "Not really. This is just some basic stuff."

"You sure as hell know more 'basic stuff' than I do. Has this always come so easy to you?"

Ravi shrugs. "I-I mean, I guess. I used to study the moon and stars a lot back in India. Part of the reason why I decided to take Astronomy."

"Oh, so you're at a higher advantage than the rest of us, huh?" Grayson says, raising an eyebrow.

Ravi blushes again, but more from nervousness. "Uh, I just… I, uh—"

Grayson cuts him off with a short laugh. "Dude, relax. I'm only kidding. It's really cool that you know so much about this."

Ravi smiles. "Really?" Grayson nods. "You're the first person to think that. Nobody… nobody ever thinks I'm cool…" He's heard a lot of things said about him. Some nice, most negative. But never that anything he says or does is cool, or anything close to cool. He can't help but wonder if Grayson is playing a prank on him. Some kind of stunt where Grayson wins Ravi's trust only for him to dunk a bucket of nasty stuff all over Ravi. It's probably being recorded right now, and broadcasted for the entire school to see. This is probably the irrational part of Ravi's brain speaking, but Ravi can't see any logical reason for Grayson, handsome star basketball player, to think Ravi is cool.

Grayson shrugs as he absentmindedly replies to something on his phone. "I must be 'nobody' then. Can't really see how that's true though. Some people must be real dipshits."

Ravi laughs another short laugh, fighting against his rising blush. _Grayson Sinclair think's I'm_ cool? He can't think of ever receiving a greater compliment than somebody telling him he's cool. _Especially_ someone like Grayson Sinclair. Ravi wants to sit there and think about the fact that Grayson think's he's cool, but the awkward silence is starting to build again and that easy, conversational air has suddenly vanished. Ravi clears his throat. "But, uh, but anyway…"

Ravi spends the next ten to twenty minutes further explaining the lunar phases to Grayson, stopping every so often to answer any questions he might have. The more Ravi explains, the easier he thinks it is to be so close to Grayson without losing his train of thought. But once Grayson moves closer to him, his mind goes blank and his tongue stops working and he's back to a blubbering mess. But at least he's somewhat improving. And what's better is Grayson looks content in listening to what Ravi is telling him. He looks as if he's really enjoying himself.

Once they finish and Ravi gets over how close Grayson is to him, they decide to officially start making progress on their project. Ravi would love more than anything to continue talking about lunar phases so Grayson could be close to him and look at him with the same interest from before. But rationally, he can't just talk Grayson's ear off for the next hour about the moon and sun. Grayson is sure to eventually become bored of the topic. Anyone would be.

Grayson is quick to pull up a PowerPoint and declare that they start right away on that, to which Ravi fails at concealing a chuckle.

"What?" Grayson asks in confusion. "Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing? Working on a PowerPoint?"

"Yeah," Ravi says, "but we don't even have any information to put on the slides yet."

Grayson makes a face like he's just realized he's said the dumbest person in the world. "Oh. Right…"

"We should probably just do some research for now and write down some information."

And that's what they proceed to do for the next hour. They both look through the textbook and on Google for anything they think would be useful in their project, and take notes on it as they go. Ravi seems right in his element the entire time, making an outline and bullet points and paraphrasing as if he does it in his sleep. Grayson catches himself watching in amazement every time Ravi writes something down, not finding any difficulty in what he's looking for. Grayson looks at his own disorganized notes, which don't at all look as lengthy and detailed as Ravi's, and he suddenly gets the feeling that he's doing everything wrong. Grayson mentions this, followed by his inability to take proper notes.

"There's nothing wrong with them." Ravi says after looking over what Grayson's done. "They're not bad at all." Which is true. Grayson's notes are way better than what Ravi expected. They're a little unorganized, but it's still good. Better than anything anyone else has done when they did a project with Ravi.

Grayson's confidence seemed to pick up after Ravi's approval, and they continued to work. As the hour passes, Ravi's previous nerves about Grayson being in his house somewhat disappeared. He's gradually becoming comfortable around Grayson, and even though he still blushes when their eyes meet and he still can't help but stare at him (as creepy as that sounds), more time that passes, the more it becomes easier to talk to and be near Grayson. When it's almost six o'clock, Ravi closes the lid of his laptop in triumph. "I think we've done enough for today. It's getting late so I guess we can stop here."

Grayson nods, closing his textbook and stretching. "Good. My brain is fried." Ravi doesn't fail to notice how Grayson's shirt rises a bit, revealing the smallest amount of skin on his abdomen. He averts his eyes quickly and tries to busy himself with putting his things away. "It was a good start thought, right?"

Ravi looks up. "Yeah. It was."

And, the awkward silence is back. They sit there for a good thirty seconds, looking around the room as if they've never seen it before. The comfortable ease Ravi felt when they were working is starting to dissipate, and he's getting that anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach again. He wants to start a conversation, but the only thing that comes to mind is 'your eyes are beautiful', and 'you have a great smile'. Grayson also looks like he has something that he wants to say, and is about to say it but is cut off at once when Jessie enters the living room, talking on the phone.

"…I've already emailed you the paper work and scheduled the meeting. Yeah, alright. I'll see you then." She hangs up the phone with an exasperated sigh, and turns to the two teenagers as if only now remember them.

"Hi, I almost forgot Ravi said a friend was coming over today." She smiles, her voice cheerier than ever. Ravi tries not to cringe at the fact that Jessie just said Grayson is his friend since they've only spent time together for an hour, and hardly know each other. She walks over, her hand out. "I'm Jessie, their nanny."

Grayson flashes his perfect smile back, dimples and all. "Nice to meet you. I'm Grayson Sinclair." He takes Jessie's hand and shakes.

"You guys get any work done?" Jessie asks.

"Yeah, we just finished." Ravi says too quickly, with the sudden desire to make Jessie go away so he can be alone with Grayson. He's not sure why he wants to be alone with him since all that will happen is more awkward silence though.

Jessie nods. "That's great. Did you want to stay for dinner? I think we're having shrimp alfredo tonight." Ravi doesn't think Jessie or Grayson see the way his eyes grow wide with panic at Jessie's dinner invite. It's one thing to study with Grayson, but for him to be sitting right next to Ravi at the dinner table around his whole family while Ravi blushes madly every time he utters a word is not how Ravi planned on the evening going.

But to his relief (and disappointment), Grayson says, "Thanks for the invite, but I actually have to get home. Gotta babysit my younger cousins tonight and my aunt will kill me if I'm late." Ravi sends a silent thank you to Grayson's aunt, wherever she is.

"Alright, well, the invite is still open for a later date. You're welcome over any time." Grayson thanks her and Jessie walks into the kitchen, the door swinging behind her.

Grayson stands, grabbing his bookbag. "I should get going." Ravi stands up after him and follows him to the elevator, pressing a little too hard on the button that calls it.

And for probably the hundredth time, awkward silence follows, and it's at a point where Ravi just finds it ridiculously annoying. How many times is he going to find it hard to speak _in his own house_?!But he doesn't do anything about it because the elevator reaches the penthouse in no time, the soft _ding_ filling the silent apartment. Grayson turns to Ravi. "So, I guess I'll see you later." He holds out a fist to Ravi. Ravi's first instinct is to flinch away because past experiences have told him that nothing good every comes with a fist. But when Grayson's fist continues to hang in the air, Ravi realizes that Grayson isn't going to hit him. On the contrary, actually.

Grayson wants a fist bump.

Ravi's heart jumps with giddy. Nobody has ever offered Ravi a fist bump. Well, except for maybe Luke but that has always been on rare occasion, and has only started happening more recently. And they're brothers so that doesn't count. Ravi forgets what to do for a whole five seconds, the signals not going to his hand that he should ball it up and connect it with Grayson's. But the tension and awkwardness are rising again, and the elevator doors are going to close soon, and Ravi will beat himself up for the rest of his life if he doesn't return the fist bump. So, Ravi makes a fist and connects it with Grayson's. The older boy smiles, which makes Ravi smile back shyly. They drop their hands and Grayson walks into the elevator. And everything would've been fine and they could have left it at that. But right before the elevator doors close, Grayson calls out something that makes Ravi's stomach do at least three backflips.

"I'll text you later!"

And then the doors close and the elevator shoots down, taking the topaz eyed, dimpled basketball player with it, leaving Ravi in a stuttering mess, trying to process the fact that Grayson Sinclair said he would text Ravi later.

* * *

Ravi shoots up in bed, his heart thumping much faster than it should be and his body shaking like an earth quake. His t-shirt is drenched in cold sweat and he's somehow become a tangled mess with his blankets. He's breathing has quickened so much that he's now wheezing, and he's sure that he's going to pass out from the intensity of the panic attack. He feels like running away and hiding and throwing up and bursting into flames all at once. His room, though the lights are turned off, looks like it's spinning uncontrollably. He wants more than anything for the room to stop spinning and his heart to stop racing and for the red images in his head to go away, but the more he tries to calm down, the worse it gets.

Ravi closes his eyes, his breaths coming in and out far too fast. He can't focus on what he's doing because the room is extremely hot and the walls feel like they're screaming at him, but he begins to do the one and only thing that has proven to help his panic attacks. He starts counting backwards from ten in between his wheezing breaths.

" _10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…_ "

Ravi relaxes. Everything is back to normal, or somewhat normal. His body isn't shaking as much, the tremors slowly going away. His pulse is at a normal speed and the room doesn't feel like a volcano anymore. He sits there for a while, still tangled in his blankets like a tornado. His t-shirt suddenly feels very uncomfortable on him in it's sweat drenched state. Ravi tugs at it and pulls it off, flinging it to the side. He'll pick it up later if he remembers. The temperature of the room hits his damp back, sending a shiver up his spine. He can't bring himself to get a different shirt yet, feeling too exhausted to get out of bed. For now, he just needs to sit and get his bearings.

It was a dream that caused the panic attack. Ravi knows it. He has that feeling you have when you wake up abruptly from a dream where you were doing or saying something intense. The only problem is, he can't remember what it was about. He could remember it maybe two seconds after he woke up, but now the entire thing has slipped from his mind, and he's now clueless as to what it was about, or who was in it. All he can remember is the color red splashing around the dream. But other than that, nothing.

And it's just so frustrating. Waking up and not remembering your dreams is one thing, and it's usually normal. It happens all the time. But having a dream induced panic attack and _not_ remember why is on a whole different level. It feels like his subconscious is bullying him, tormenting his mind when he's asleep with horrid images, only to make him forget the minute he wakes up. It's as if his mind wants to torment him until he's gone crazy. Maybe he is already starting to go crazy…

He can still see splashes of red. Ravi can't find a context behind it, not seeing the relation between a red object and his anxiety. It seems so absurd. But then again, he's not even sure what happened in the dream, so red could mean literally anything.

Ravi sighs, and falls back against his pillows, his now damp back hitting the warm sheets. He looks at the time on his phone. **1:17 A.M**. It's still late, and he's exhausted. He should probably just get back to sleep, and sleep off the ordeal that happened. Harry adjust his blankets and sheets so they're not all over the place and turns over, closing his eyes in a feeble attempt to sleep again. He tosses and turns for what feels like hours though, unable to fall back asleep. He can't get the image of red out of his head. Red floors, red walls, red chairs. It's all that dances across his mind until an hour passes and he finally sits up in defeat. He can't go back to sleep. Not yet anyway. There's no use trying to when there is so much going through his mind.

What's so significant about the color red that makes it standing out to him the most from that dream? Why is that the only thing he remembers? He's absolutely sure he didn't have a nightmare about the color red because not only is that ridiculous, but there's really no way that could have triggered a panic attack. It all doesn't make sense. And he's never had dreams based around a single color before, or any dream that caused him to remember red and only red.

Actually, come to think of it, that's not entirely true. Ravi very vaguely remembers the presence of red in the dream he had when he slept in Luke's room that one time. The same dream that he also couldn't remember for the life of him. The only thing he can recall, however, is small spots of red popping in and out and around in a disorderly way. He wishes he could know more about whatever was going one with him and his subconscious, or at least enough so he could anticipate future attacks, and help to prevent it.

Ravi, having decided that he no longer wants to stay in his room, swings his legs off the bed and stands up. He grabs a clean t-shirt from one of his drawers, and tugs it on before quietly leaving his room. The darkness of the hall calls to him like it did before, wanting to haunt him and torment him and drag him back into the abyss he's been trying to escaped. He walks over to the next best place he can think of and knocks on the door, hoping to god that the person will answer.

Luke opens his bedroom door, his eyes squinting a bit as he tries to stifle a yawn. His eyes land on Ravi and the sleepiness mixes with confusion and concern. "Ravi? What's up man? Is everything okay?"

Ravi gives him a small shrug. "I, uh, can't sleep. Bad dream." He knows it's a half truth, but he can't tell Luke that he just had a panic attack about the color red popping up in a dream he can't remember, not only because it's ludicrous, but because he doesn't want Luke to worry unnecessarily about him. He's already been doing that enough. Why stress him about something that's probably not that serious? "Can I sleep in here?"

Luke nods without hesitation. "Yeah, sure bro."

"Thanks." Ravi mutters as Luke holds the door wide open so Ravi can come in.

Luke closes the door. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ravi shakes his head and sits on the edge of the bed. There's nothing _too_ talk about. "Not really. It was only a dream that freaked me out a little. And I just don't really want to be by myself right now, if that's okay with you."

Luke nods like his life depends on it. "Of course it's okay." He yawns, and walks over to the other side of the bed, making the weight of the bed shake. "Do you need anything else?"

"No." Ravi says, finally feeling drowsy enough to effectively fall asleep. That mixed with the exhaustion he felt before makes him want to bury under the covers and sleep for ten years. He's actually grateful that the feeling is back after being wide awake for an hour. "I just want some sleep."

"Okay then." Luke gets under his covers and lays back down. Ravi follows suit. "Just let me know if you need anything else, alright?" Ravi mutters a response, which seems sufficient enough for Luke because he turns over, utters a, "Goodnight," and is out like a light.

Ravi stares at the dark ceiling for a moment. _The color red_ , he thinks to himself. There has to be something significant about it, and why he keeps dreaming about it. There has to be some reason why it's frightening him into a panic attack. He wants so desperately to tell someone about it so at least one other person will know. But the thought of stressing out his family more than he already has seems much worse to him. They're all doing so much to accommodate for him and his issues as it is. Adding panic attacks to the already tall pile seems like it would be too overwhelming. It's already overwhelming him, let alone other people. No, he'll keep it to himself, and sort it out for now. He'll figure out why the color red is of so much importance.

But for now, he needs sleep. Ravi closes his eyes, and within minutes is drifting back into an uninterrupted sleep.

* * *

 _ **What a fun, short chapter. Short of a filler before we get to the good stuff. Writing can sometimes be so difficult because you want to get to the big stuff right away, but you have to fill in the holes before you can get there. And those holes are always difficult. But this shall suffice.**_

 _ **Reviews are nice. If you liked, please review.**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia**_


	14. Chapter 14: Extra Baggage

_**What is this? Am I really updating another chapter already? Two chapters in one month? Is this really me?**_

 _ **Quick update: this is a one person account now. Not a two person account. Please enjoy this next chapter.**_

 _ **Disclaimer**_ _ **: I do not own Jessie.**_

* * *

 _Chapter 14: Extra Baggage_

"I'll be back in an hour to pick you up, alright?"

Ravi and Jessie stand outside the door labeled 40E-F in the very yellow hallway. The color of the walls doesn't leave Ravi with that nauseated feeling anymore, but that might also be because he's not nearly as nervous for group this week as he was last week.

He nods at Jessie. "Okay. I'll see you later."

She gives Ravi a hug with a reassuring squeeze and Ravi walks through the door. The minute Ravi sees the very happy looking college student sitting behind the desk (Sandy, something like that) Ravi feels his stomach do a little flip. Okay, he might have lied a little. He's not nervous about group per say, but he's nervous about seeing a particular person at group. Ravi tries not to think about the prospect of seeing Grayson in group, but every now and then, the thought slips into his mind, and his fluttering heart betrays him. He hasn't seen much of Grayson since Tuesday when they started their project, which he feels is unfortunate. He's mainly seen him a couple times in passing in the halls, and during class. He's stopped to have a 30 second conversation each time they met, but was always whisked away by a group of people who were either rowdy Juniors or members of the basketball team who had way too much testosterone running through their blood. But other than that, they didn't get much time to talk.

Not like Ravi expected it or anything. They're not really friends. They're just doing a project together.

Something that he was expecting but didn't get was the promised text message though. He's mildly disappointed that Grayson never texted him after Wednesday, but he feels like he shouldn't be surprised. Grayson is a busy person and has more of a social life than Ravi could ever dream of having. Of course, the last thing he's worried about is texting an awkward Sophomore who's not even on his level socially. So yeah, he's not at all surprised.

Doesn't mean he wasn't looking forward to it though…

At least he's not feeling as apprehensive about group therapy as he was last week. He's concluded that it's really not as bad as he thought it would be. Yes, it's still a bit weird to him to sit in a room full of strangers and discuss how he feels, but there is a somewhat welcoming atmosphere to the whole thing. So, is he nervous? Yeah. But does he feel like having a panic attack? No so much.

He might just be able to survive this thing.

Plus, it helps that he knows someone else there.

He walks right up to the desk and _Cindy_ (her name is on her nametag) is already smiling. "Hello. Here for the **4:15** session I presume?"

Ravi nods. "Uh, yeah. Ravi Ross." He doesn't wait for her to ask for his name.

She nods as she types on the computer. "Go right on inside. The session will be starting soon."

Ravi thanks her and pushes the doors to go inside. As far as Ravi can see, everyone is already seated in the circular formation except for Sam and a guy he thinks is named Isaac. But everyone else is already there, either talking or sitting quietly.

And yes, that includes Grayson.

He's sitting in the same seat as last week, talking casually with Riley, the pretty red-head Ravi was paired with the previous week. Something pangs in Ravi's heart upon seeing Riley twirling her hair at him in a rather flirtatious way, but he shakes it off. Ravi makes his way over to the same seat as last week, but Grayson turns around and spots him before he can make it too far. A bright smile spreads on his face, dimples cutting at his cheeks. He beckons Ravi to sit in the empty seat next to him and Ravi, smiling very shyly, doesn't think twice before taking the seat.

His heart is doing so many flips at the moment.

"Hey." Grayson says once Ravi is seated. Riley has already turned to talk to someone else leaving Grayson with his attention completely on Ravi.

"Hi." Ravi says. He's tempted to ask about where Sam is, since he and Grayson seem to be friends (and had Sam been here, Ravi probably wouldn't be sitting with Grayson), but he chooses to keep his mouth shut.

"So, second week." Grayson starts. "Not as bad as last week, right?"

Ravi shakes his head. "No, I guess not. I don't feel nauseous so..." This earns a smile and small chuckle from Grayson which makes Ravi feel good.

"That's good. It definitely gets easier after the first week. But trust me, everyone is a nervous wreck at first. You should have seen me. I almost peed myself."

Ravi does one of those short, breathy laughs that he only does when Grayson says something slightly funny (or not funny at all). Kind of like a chuckle or snort but not really. He blushes despite himself. "How old were you?" He asks.

Grayson opens his mouth to answer but Tiago walks through the door holding a Starbucks cup (like last week) and looking just as cheery as he had the previous week. All the talking in the room ceases and Ravi's second week of group therapy begins.

"Alright!" Tiago says once he's seated in the same seat as last week, the same wide smile on his face as always. Ravi is pretty sure his face should have cracked by now. "Welcome back you guys! Anything exciting happen this week?"

The most exciting thing was that the boy named Eddie started martial arts. No one else had anything interesting happen to them during the week so that little portion lasted about 45 seconds.

"So, this week," Tiago starts, reaching into his messenger, "we're gonna start off with an activity that is fairly simple." He pulls out a bright yellow soft ball (why is _everything_ about this place bright and yellow?) and twirls it in his hands. "This is the Mind Ball. No Connor, it's not just any regular soft ball." Connor looks like that is exactly what he was going to ask before Tiago interrupted him. "This balls purpose is greater than any regular sports ball. You see, the recipient of this ball has to say whatever comes to mind when they have the ball in hand. For example," he throws the ball in the air and catches it, "if the topic were to be animals—" and he swiftly throws the ball to Todd who catches it without blinking.

"Uh, I would say a snake?" He asks.

"Perfect." Tiago exclaims and gestures for Todd to pass the ball back to him. "And then you pass it to the person next to you who then has to say the first animal that comes to mind, and so on. So, since we've already got this topic why not start off with it. And you can't say the same thing twice, so nobody gets to say snake." He looks around to make sure everyone got the point. "Good. I'll go first." He throws the ball up in the air again. "Dog." And then he passes it to Eddie.

"Elephant." And he passes it to Rodney.

"Squirrel." And he passes it to Lindsey.

"Mouse." And she passes it to Ravi.

Ravi panics for maybe two seconds, the spotlight suddenly on him and making him uncomfortable, before remembering that all he needs to do is come up with legit any animal he can think of. Not too hard. His mind immediately goes to Mrs. Kipling. "Lizard." He blurts and passes the ball to Grayson.

"Tiger." And he passes it to Riley.

"Wolf." And she passes it to Todd.

"Shark." And he passes it to Alicia.

"Deer." And she passes it to Monica.

"Butterfly." And she passes it to Tara.

"Horse." And she passes it to Connor.

"Scorpion." And finally, he passes it back to Tiago.

They repeat the process again but this time using any type of food. Ravi finds it much easier the second time around and swiftly says "bacon" when it's his turn (mainly because that's what Bertram made for breakfast). They continue a couple more times, using vague categories such as movies, holidays, and reasons why school sucks (this round probably got the most laughs and generated the most enthusiasm). When the ball finally came back around to Tiago though, Ravi somehow knows the little game is going to change in a way he isn't going to like.

"Alright, well those were some great warm up rounds." He says once everyone stops giggling. "But now we're going to get a little more serious about our topics. Remember, it's the first thing that comes to mind, but since I know this may be harder for some, I'll give you a minute or so to think about your answer. _And_ I want you to explain your answer a bit more. No one word answers."

Ravi is immediately more nervous about the new topic Tiago is going to pick, and tenses up in his seat. He was comfortable enough with how the activity was before seeing that there was no wrong or embarrassing answer, but serious topics meant digging deeper into his subconscious and opening up me, and he's not sure he's ready to share all of that with everyone here. He's not even sure if he's ready to share that with _anyone_ in general! Not to mention that he has to answer it with more than one word and make sure that it's satisfying enough for Tiago. Ravi feels like the temperature in the room is slowly rising.

"The new topic is," Tiago jerks Ravi out of his mental panic, "things we are grateful for." And he swiftly tosses the ball over to Eddie.

Eddie stares at the yellow ball in his hand with wide eyes, as if seeing it for the first time. He's probably panicking in a way similar to Ravi. "I'm…, I'm grateful for my karate dojo, and the people there who have accepted me." He passes it to Rodney, who passes it to Lindsey. Ravi can't remember what either one of them said, but way too soon, the ball is in Ravi's hand, and eleven pairs of eyes (including two pools of topaz) are on him waiting for him to speak.

"Um…" he doesn't know what to say. His mind has drawn a complete blank and he feels like that one episode of Spongebob Squarepants when he emptied his entire mind and forgot his name. _Come on Ravi think! What are people generally grateful for?_ Food, water, clothes, shelter, education, family, parents… _parents_! "I'm grateful for my parents…" He wants to end there but he remembers he has to explain it. "…who adopted me from India." Okay. That wasn't so bad. He _is_ extremely grateful for that seeing that they could have adopted any other child in the orphanage but they picked him. He gives the ball to Grayson and it continues around the circle until it gets back to Tiago.

And Ravi is pretty sure that Tiago has it out for Ravi or something because the next thing he knows, Tiago asks them to stand up because now instead of passing the ball to each other, "you guys are gonna toss it to any person in the circle. Not the person next to you." And we're not even going to address the fact that Ravi is exceptionally bad at sports and catching things which is already stressful enough, but then Tiago drops the bomb that they have to say, "one nice or positive thing about yourselves. And remember, no repeating what someone else said." And it would be all well and good because Ravi could just say he's smart and be done with it (not to mention that it's already extremely hard for Ravi to find positive things about himself). But when Connor tosses the ball to Alicia and she says, "I guess I'm smart. I'm on the road to be valedictorian at my school so," well just think of how quickly Ravi's face paled.

That was going to be Ravi's one 'get out of jail free' card. The one thing he know he's good at, that he knows is positive about himself. The one thing that despite how shitty he feels about himself, he can say is a good thing. The one thing that no amount of bullying or torment could take from him because he has the grades and evidence to prove it. He's always been able to tell himself, "well, at least I'm academically intelligent." But now he can't even say that. Now he has to find something else that he thinks is a positive about himself.

And he's not sure there's anything else.

And suddenly Monica is tossing the ball to him, and he very ungracefully misses it. And Grayson picks it up and hands it to Ravi. And Ravi feels eleven pairs of eyes burning into his flesh like the hot sun. Or maybe the room just feels as hot as the sun.

"Um…" He's eyes dart around the room as if looking for a way out of this situation. "I, uh…" He feels his hands begin to shake and he feels like it's hard to breathe. He wants to drop the ball and run out of the room, but he feels frozen in his terror. "I-I, uh, I…" He doesn't know if anyone else can tell that he's about to have a panic attack, but he sure as hell does not want them to be able to tell. He doesn't want anyone to be able to tell. That's probably the last thing he needs.

He suddenly feels a light nudge on his arm that draws his attention away from his current dilemma. Ravi turns to the source and his eyes land on two topaz gems. And he is suddenly hit with a wave of relief and reassurance. Grayson gives Ravi a warm smile, maybe to calm him or encourage him or give him a bit of confidence, or something along those lines. But the main thing Ravi feels while he looks into Grayson's beautifully hazel eyes is comfort. The weirdest, yet most familiar and pleasant sensation of comfort. As if everything will be alright as long as Ravi looks into those topaz gems that glint back at him like luminescent stars—

 _Stars_!

"I'm good at astronomy." Ravi turns to look back at the group. He feels like a good hour has passed since he got the ball, but it's probably been about five seconds. "I, I like to study the moon and the stars, and constellations and those things." That seems so satisfy (and interest) everyone in the group to Ravi's relief, and he feels the biggest weight lift off his shoulder. He blindly tosses the ball to Todd who catches it despite Ravi's horrible aim.

Ravi wonders whether Grayson was trying to help Ravi out or whether he was just trying to be some sort of comfort, or whether he accidentally nudged Ravi and he just imagined the whole encounter. Or if he nudged Ravi at all. But whatever the case, Ravi is sure glad he sat next to Grayson because lord knows how long it would take him to come up with something good about himself otherwise.

* * *

 **Jessie 5:15 PM**

 _ **Running a little late. Stuck in traffic. There's an accident somewhere. Will be there soon**_

Ravi's heart slightly deflates. Group therapy is finally over (no real highlights after the whole mind ball fiasco) and he was really looking forward to going straight home and hiding in the peace and comfort of his room. And he was really hoping that Jessie would be there right away, so they could leave and he could start the weekend. But of course, not everything can work out in Ravi's favor.

Ravi sends a quick 'okay' text back before pocketing his phone. What is he supposed to do until Jessie comes? It could be a while before she gets here, depending on how heavy the traffic is and how bad of an accident it is. He guesses he can just sit in the lobby downstairs and wait, but he doesn't know how long he can stay in a public and crowded place like that by himself before he has another panic attack. Maybe he can just sit and wait in the group therapy room, but Tiago mentions something about a **5:30** session so that's out of the picture. Maybe his best bet is just waiting in the lobby—

"Got any plans right now?" Ravi's train of thought is so abruptly interrupted by Grayson that he asks him to repeat what he said.

"Do you have any plans?" Grayson repeats. "Are you free right now or do you have to go somewhere?"

"Oh." Ravi says. "I'm was going to go home but Jessie is stuck in traffic, so I guess I'm free until she comes…" Ravi doesn't know why his heart is beating faster but he does his best to stay calm.

Grayson nods. "I don't have to be home any time soon. Maybe we can hang out for a while, until Jessie comes at least." Everything inside Ravi lights up like a Christmas tree, and he can't think to do anything but nod. "Do you want to maybe chill at the Starbucks across the street? Y'know, instead of sitting here."

And suddenly, Ravi's tongue grows heavy and his face heats up. "Y-yeah." His voice cracks (he thought he was past this voice cracking thing) and he clears his throat. "Yeah. Sure. Cool." He feels like a damn idiot saying it like that but it's better than voice cracking and stuttering. Plus, it should be easy for him to say yes to Starbucks. He loves Starbucks.

Grayson smiles nevertheless. "Awesome." And after texting Jessie that he's going to Starbucks with Grayson, the two of them head out.

The Starbucks is actually directly across the street from the hospital, and they get there in under three minutes. It's not too crowded since it's after five in the afternoon and Starbucks is mainly busy during the day. The few people that are there are either doing work on a laptop or scrolling through their phones as they finish their buttered croissant or iced coffee. The ambiance is just like how every Starbucks feels. Warm and welcoming, and dimly lit. Ravi doesn't necessarily like coffee, but the smell of it in the air always brings him another weird comfort. He relaxes the tensed muscles he didn't know he had as soon as the door closes behind him.

They both order their drinks (Grayson a Grande Mocha Frappe, Ravi a Tall Passion Tango Tea Lemonade, "with four pumps of raspberry, and four pumps of classic") and once they get them, they head to one of the tables near the back.

Ravi sips on the sweet drink as they take their seats, the fruity taste flooding his mouth. Grayson looks so natural and fluid in the Starbucks setting, making Ravi feel awkward and out of place. He absentmindedly gnaws on his straw.

"I love this place," Grayson starts before an awkward silence could grow. "I come here almost every day after group."

"I didn't even know this was here." Ravi says.

"They just opened it a couple months ago. Something about too many doctors and nurses getting to work late because the other Starbucks is too far. Plus, business is pretty good around here."

"But then, if this Starbucks is so close, why does Tiago still come late and complain about how long the line is?" Ravi wonders.

Grayson shrugs. "One of the mysteries of life."

Ravi continues to chew on his straw, trying to figure out what to say next. He stares at everything except Grayson; his hands, the table, the window, the floor. He should really find a YouTube tutorial on how to be more conversational because his inability to have a conversation with Grayson is becoming more and more painful.

Thankfully, Grayson does the heavy lifting (like always) and picks up the conversation again. "Is that any good?" He gestures at Ravi's drink.

Ravi nods. "Uh, yeah I get it every time."

"Mind if I take a sip?"

Ravi is slightly startled by the request but nods, and holds the cup out with a shaky hand for Grayson to take a sip. Grayson doesn't notice his hand tremors, or maybe he chooses to ignore it. The whole encounter seems much more intimate than it should to Ravi, and for some reason the sight of Grayson's lips around his straw excites him in the weirdest way. But he doesn't mention any of this.

Grayson sits back. "Not bad. Really sweet."

"It's the only thing I ever really get from Starbucks." Ravi takes of sip of the drink, trying not to think about how Grayson's lips were just around this same straw.

"So, you don't ever get the food here?" Grayson asks. "Or coffee?"

"I don't really like coffee that much."

Grayson looks astonished. "What?! You don't like coffee? So, you don't even like frappe's?"

Ravi shrugs. "I've, uh, never had one before. I just always assumed it tastes like every other coffee based drink."

"It doesn't." Grayson shakes his head. "It's way better than 'every other coffee based drink'." He says it in a way that makes Ravi giggle. "There's a lot more going on with it that kind of masks the taste of coffee. Plus, you can add any type of flavor to it so you're really only tasting that. Like I got a mocha one so all I really taste is chocolate. It's perfect for the none coffee lover."

"Sounds… good." Ravi says for lack of anything better to say.

Grayson holds out his cup similar to how Ravi did it, and Ravi just eyes it in confusion, looking between the cup and Grayson. "Wanna try some?"

"Uhh…" Ravi's heart skips a beat at the cup in front of him and the way Grayson is looking at him, as if this is a normal occurrence. As if they always come to Starbucks and share drinks like it's nothing. As if they've always been good friends and this entire thing is natural. He's so calm about it, meanwhile Ravi is trying to figure out how to gain control of his motor skills.

Grayson seems to notice Ravi's apprehension and internal dilemma. He seems to regret putting pressure onto Ravi so soon and looks like he's going to pull away, but Ravi rushes forward without thinking and before he knows it the straw is in his mouth and he's sipping on the cold drink.

And Grayson isn't wrong at all. His eyes widen once the taste of the frappe hits his taste-buds. The taste of coffee is definitely there, but it's mild and muted, and overpowered by chocolatey sweetness. And it's _delicious_. It reminds Ravi of ice cream or a milkshake, or something else sweet like that. And it surprises him. Never has he tasted something that contains coffee that he actually likes, that doesn't even taste like coffee that much. He's never even given thought to trying something different at Starbucks, his Passion Tango Tea always being his default. But he might have to actually give frappes a better chance.

Ravi sits back. "Wow." Ravi says, causing Grayson to smile in triumph. "That's actually really good."

"Told you. Doesn't really taste like coffee, right?"

Ravi shakes his head. "No, I could barely taste it. I kind of want to get my own right now."

"Well why don't you?"

"I already have this one." Ravi holds up his drink. "And I can't finish both drinks anyway."

Grayson nods. "Understandable. You think you'll order one of this instead of the passion fruit whatever that you got?"

"Yeah." Ravi chuckles. "I'll start getting that instead. I guess I can give the Passion Tango a break."

"I love putting people on to these." Grayson looks so victorious, as if he's won a basketball game. "Nobody ever believes me when I say it's good until they get a sip of it. I've got almost the whole team onto this, and half of group. Still trying to persuade Sam though but that kid is like a huge bag of bricks."

Ravi suddenly remembers Sam's absence from group. "Where was he today, by the way?" He asks in pure curiosity. "And the other guy? I think his name is Isaac."

Grayson takes a long gulp of his drink. "Not sure about Isaac, but he comes and goes all the time. It's normal for him. But Sam's touring one of the colleges he was recruited for this weekend. Ohio State I think."

"Oh." Ravi nods. "I remember he said something about that college recruiting him last week."

"Yeah. He's got a few more Universities after him too. Some even in Canada and England. They're practically begging for him to go to their school. I don't blame them though. Sam is one hell of a quarterback."

Ravi nods, not really knowing what to say to that. He doesn't know much about Sam or sports, so he can't really add to it (he's not even too sure what a quarterback is, but all he knows that it's football related). And he only asked his previous question because he's quite positive that had Sam been at group today, he would have sat and talked with Grayson, and not Ravi. But in Ravi's silence, Grayson continues. "I hope I get recruited like him. But for basketball of course."

"I'm sure you will." Ravi says. "Are you any good?"

"I'd say I'm alright." Grayson shrugs, trying his best not to sound too cocky and conceited. "I mean I always play my best, and I win us every game and all."

Ravi looks sheepish. He feels like he's insulted Grayson in some way. "I, uh, I'm not really in to sports. And I've never been to a school basketball game, so I wouldn't really know."

"Really?" Grayson cocks an eyebrow. "You've never been to one of the games?" Ravi sinks in his seat and shakes his head, but Grayson doesn't look offended in the slightest. "That's understandable. Sports isn't everyone's cup of tea. But you should definitely check out one of the games some time."

Ravi blushes. This is the second time he's been invited to a social event in less than two weeks and he's not sure if he's entered an alternate dimension or not. It doesn't seem real to him that Grayson Sinclair wants him to go to one of his basketball games and his wondering if he just imagined the invite. "Really? Y-you want me to watch one of your games?" Grayson nods. "But, but I don't know anything about basketball. I don't know how to follow it or anything. I'd probably end up cheering for the wrong team."

Grayson laughs. Ravi didn't know he said anything funny. "That's not a problem. I can just teach you everything about it. Show you the rules and the basics. It's not hard to follow once you understand the game. I can even teach you how to play if you want…" Ravi thinks he imagines the pink tint to Grayson's cheeks when he says that.

"I-I don't think I'd be any good if you tried to teach me." Ravi fidgets with the sleeve of his hoodie. "I mean, you saw me try to catch Tiago's Mind Ball…"

"Nobody is automatically a professional at basketball Ravi. Or anything really." Grayson's topaz eyes lock with Ravi's. "Everyone starts out as a novice. I mean, look at me and Astronomy." Grayson smirks and Ravi can't help but smile back. "That's why you practice until you become an expert at it."

Their eyes stay locked, like something is drawing them closer to each other. Like a magnet. Ravi finds himself not wanting to look away from the golden flecks inside of the hazel, and how they dance in his eyes and sparkle exactly like stars. They remind him of the constellations he likes to study, with their bright and connectedness. Grayson's gaze somehow seems softer as he stares at Ravi and Ravi feels ready to melt under the strong gaze. He feels that warm comforting feeling again, a feeling that makes him want to lean closer to Grayson until it's all he can feel, until Grayson is all he can feel.

Ravi breaks the gaze upon thinking that. A deep blush rises in his cheeks and he sips on what's left of his drink to give himself something to do besides think about what he had been picturing in his mind.

Grayson softly clears his throat. "Just think about it, okay? See if you'd like to give it a try."

Ravi nods, unable to think of anything really. He tries to think of a new topic to distract himself from the moment they just had. "How, uh, how long have you been playing basketball?"

Grayson absentmindedly plays with the label on his near empty frappe. "I've always played. Used to play streetball in the park and stuff when I was little, and I joined my first team when I was maybe twelve."

"Streetball?" Ravi's ignorance to this sport is displayed on his face.

"It's a more casual kind of basketball that's played in parks and parking lots, and any open space really. It's mainly played outside."

"Oh." Ravi says, thinking that it makes sense. "Is it better than regular basketball?"

"Not really." Grayson shakes his head. "Most rules are ignored. Not a lot of structure to it. And you're not really playing to improve in the skill. Just for afterschool fun mainly, and street cred."

"Street cred?" Ravi knows what that is of course, but can't see how something like 'street cred' could apply to Manhattan, _especially_ in the part that they live (though he doesn't get out much so there's a lot he doesn't really know). "In this city?"

Grayson immediately knows what Ravi is talking about. "I, uh, spent the first ten years of my life living in the South Bronx. Street cred there was really important, and basketball usually gave that to you."

"Oh." Ravi's never been to the South Bronx and is intrigued to hear more about it. He's only ever heard stereotypical stories about it but refuses to base his judgement on secondhand stories. "What's it like over there?"

"Definitely different from the Upper West Side." Grayson finishes the rest of his drink. "It's not bad if you compare it to how things were in the '70s. Crime rate is still kind of high. More graffiti present than here. The local playgrounds aren't as nice. But I haven't been there in six years, so can't really say much about it."

"Why did you leave?" Curiosity gets the best of Ravi again and he speaks before he thinks. "Well, what made your parents come here?"

Grayson seems far more interested in the label on his drink than he was before, not meeting Ravi's eye. "I actually moved in with my aunt when I was eleven. And she lives in the Upper West Side, so here I am." Ravi sense that Grayson doesn't really want to talk about this topic anymore. His demeanor isn't the same as it was when they first started talking. He's not smiling and charismatic like usual. Ravi wonders why Grayson doesn't want to talk about any of it, but he doesn't question it. Everyone has something they don't like talking about. Including himself. So, he should be the last person to say anything.

"I came here when I was ten." Ravi mumbles. Grayson looks up at him, his expression unreadable. "So, I get it."

Grayson nods, finally meeting Ravi's eyes again. He pushes his cup to the side. "What's India like?"

"Where do I even begin?" Ravi mutters, also finishing his drink. "It's… hot. All the time. And really crowded. The traffic is way worse than New York too."

"Is that even possible?" Grayson jabs a thumb at the window. Outside, traffic is bumper to bumper, with cars barely moving and people walking in between them.

Ravi nods. "Yup. In India, cars don't wait at stop lights. They just go whenever they can." Grayson eyes widen at this. Must be hard to imagine that when you've spent your whole life in New York. "The country in itself isn't that bad, but I grew up in a poorer area, and I didn't get to visit the nicer parts much."

"Would you ever visit India?" Grayson asks.

Ravi's never thought of that. He's never had the desire to go back to India (because even if his life has been constant hell here, it's still better than the orphanage he grew up in). But he's never thought about going to visit either. It never crossed his mind before now. "I've never really thought about it. But maybe. It could possible happen one day." Which is true. Mumbai has become a tourist attraction, so maybe one day he'll pay the subcontinent a visit. "Would you ever visit the Bronx?" It seems silly to ask since the Bronx is a few train stops away, but he asks anyway.

Grayson shrugs, scratching at a birth mark on his neck. "I honestly don't think I would."

Ravi watches Grayson. He, Ravi, notices how Grayson's demeanor slightly changes at every mention of the Bronx and his past. It's not a significant change, but he seems more closed off to the topic, as if he'd rather not discuss it. Even when asked if he would ever visit the Bronx, Grayson seems more tensed. Ravi wonders what it is about that borough that makes Grayson uncomfortable, but decides not to press it any further. He himself knows what it's like to not want to discuss something, so Ravi can respect that.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he fishes the device out.

 **Jessie 5:40 PM**

 _ **I'm outside of the Starbucks. Do you want me to come in and get you?**_

Ravi's jaw drops at the time. How had twenty minutes passed without him even noticing? It certainly doesn't feel like it's been that long. He looks up at Grayson. "I have to go. Jessie is outside."

Grayson nods. "Alright. I better get going too." They both stand up and throw out their empty drinks. An unpleasant feeling sinks in Ravi's heart because he had just started to enjoy hanging out with Grayson and talking to him. And he just started feeling more comfortable and less awkward. But he supposes he can't sit and talk to him forever.

Though that does sound nice.

They finally step outside. The fall air is nice and crispy, the temperature dropping due to the oncoming evening. Ravi tugs at his hoodie sleeves as a cool breeze passes. He glances around before spotting Jessie standing outside one of the family cars, waving at him. He waves back.

"See you Monday in school?" Grayson says, his usual demeanor back like it never left. He holds out his fist just like he did on Wednesday when he left the Ross penthouse.

Ravi looks at it, his heart doing a leap. But he smiles and bumps his fist against Grayson's. "Yeah. See you in school."

And they walk in their separate directions, Ravi heading towards Jessie and Grayson rounding the corner and heading out of sight.

"Hey." Jessie greets him with a hug. "Had a nice time with your friend?"

A few hours ago Ravi might have insisted that he and Grayson aren't really friends. They barely know each other. But instead he says, "Yeah, I did." Because maybe he and Grayson really are becoming friends.

Maybe…

* * *

"And last one…" Dr. Lauder clips the last of Ravi's stitches and pulls it out, tossing it onto a paper towel on a near by tray. "And you're all done! How does it feel?"

Ravi stares at his now bandage free arm, the now exposed scar very brown against his already dark complexion. He runs his finger on it, feeling the coarse surface. It's still a little tender, but completely healed. The long, vertical line is rough and bumpy, but it doesn't hurt like it did when he woke up in the hospital a few weeks ago. Or when he made the initial incision. "It feels fine." He mutters and Dr. Lauder nods.

He hadn't realized it was already time to remove the stitches until Jessie reminded him in the car ride home yesterday that today would be his appointment. He forgot about his great afternoon with Grayson immediately. His initial reaction was disbelief because he didn't realize so much time had gone by already, and he didn't know that his scar would have healed by now. But the prospect of removing the bulky bandage once and for all made him much happier about it. He's grown used to it, the attention it drew, and the weight of it. He's become accustom to covering it in the shower and sleeping in a way that doesn't disturb him. And he's not as annoyed with it as he was when he left the hospital. But being without the burden of the cast would mean that his life could go back to normal (or as close to normal as his life could be), and maybe, just maybe, he could leave everything that happened behind him, and start over. Maye things could change.

Plus, it would be really great if he didn't have to worry about wearing sweatshirts and long sleeves all the time. He knows there will be a scar, and he has multiple other scars too, but it can't possibly be as bad as wearing the cast all the time making his left arm look bigger than his right.

But looking at the scar, he very much wishes he could wear the cast instead.

It looks much worse than what he expected. He didn't think it would be a thin line, but he didn't think it would be so thick and ugly either. It looks like someone injected something underneath his skin, or like a really bad burn. Ravi doesn't like looking at it, He wants to pull the sleeve of his hoodie down but Dr. Lauder takes his arm and starts feeling the scar.

"Hmm, seems to have healed over well." He puts a little pressure on it. "No pain?"

"No." Ravi shakes his head.

"Well then I think you should be good to go."

Dr. Lauder does some other things that Ravi doesn't pay attention to because he's still staring at the scar that's forever a part of him. The doctor finally leads Ravi back to his parents who look happy to see him without his arm bandaged up. They don't seem bothered by the scar, but they don't have to be. They're his parents.

Later, Ravi lies in his bed examining his arm, now deformed for the rest of his life. He flexes his hand a few times, rolling his fingers into and out of fists to see if there's any difference. To see if he feels any difference. It's silly, he knows. But he can't help but think that there should be something else different in how is arm feels, and not just how it looks. Yet, everything feels fine. He straightens and bends his elbow, but still his arm doesn't feel any different than how it's always felt. He doesn't know how he feels about that.

He knows how he feels about the scar though. And all the small and not as deep scars around it, looking like dancing representations of every dark demon he's every had. Like every word he's ever heard about him and everything people have done to him etched out on his arm. Like everything he's ever felt up until that night he failed to take his own life has taken physical form in those scars, and every mistake displayed in the long ugly one. Looking at it is like looking in some mirror whose purpose is to remind him of everything he is, and everything he's always been. And of what could have been had no one found him on that bathroom floor.

Ravi pulls his sleeve down in a haste, covering his entire arm. He doesn't want to see it. He doesn't want anyone seeing it. He doesn't want the constant reminder of how he felt that night, and everything that went through his mind. The scar reminds him too much of that dark room he's been trying to escape and avoid, like it's a one-way ticket to an eternity there. And he doesn't want to spend anymore time there.

He thought he would feel freer after removing the bandages, like he wouldn't have to carry around this huge weight anymore. But now it just feels like extra baggage he has to work hard to carry and conceal. Baggage that he'll never be able to get rid of.

* * *

 _ ***smiles and waves***_

 _ **So, we got some more info about Grayson. Little bit of backstory. But this boy has A LOT going on, and a lot more layers to unfold. What do you guys think of him and the little bit I've learned about him? What do you think his full story is? Hint: you'll never figure it out.**_

 _ **AND Ravi got his stitches off! Okay after some research I realized that I might have done the whole stitches thing a little wrong, but whatever. My story, my way. Doesn't have to be medically correct, right? *nervous laugh***_

 _ **Anyway thank you all so much for the lovely reviews! They are very motivating. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! See you all soon! Happy Holidays!**_

 _ **-Bye Felicia**_


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